Recently, I’ve taken to writing poetry in church–partially to keep me awake, but also to explore elements of worship, such as this one I wrote a few weeks ago:
Bread and water,
types of Christ,
bond us in the covenant
and make us His people;
bearing His name,
joined in discipleship,
remembering the Savior
by His flesh and blood.
My preferred form is the chiamus, a type of parallel structure that follows an inverted ABCCBA pattern. For example, with the poem above:
> Bread and water, >> types of Christ, >>> bond us in the covenant >>>> and make us His people; >>>> bearing His name, >>> joined in discipleship, >> remembering the Savior > by His flesh and blood.
Perhaps not the best example, but yeah, that’s the basic idea. The parallel elements don’t necessarily have to rhyme, but they do have to share a common theme or idea, and the idea in the center is supposed to be the most important.
The ancient Hebrews used chiasmus quite a lot, and you can find many examples of it in the Bible and the Book of Mormon. According to Avraham Gileadi, the entire book of Isaiah follows a chaistic structure. My favorite example is probably Alma 36, where the whole chapter is one enormous, beautifully complex chiasmus.
Anyhow, I wrote one today that I thought was pretty good. It’s not particularly religious, but it does have a lot of personal significance.
Enjoy!
Friends
Few things last forever;
most friendships come and go.
Others last enough to share
a closeness that can grow.
Self to self,
unveil the masks,
reveal your heart, and when
our souls connect,
this close
and lasting
friendship
never ends.
Just a quick post, because it’s 3:30 am and I’ve got a TON of stuff to do tomorrow, such as:
1) cleaning checks
2) replace the air filter in my car
3) go running with my bro in law
4) finish Genesis Earth 5.0 5) band practice
6) watch Inception with a bunch of friends at the dollar theater
Yeah, tons of stuff. So anyways…
I’m amazed at how quickly I’m pulling through Genesis Earth. Yesterday I revised through 11.7k words, and today I did about 14.1k.
At this point, most of the work is sentence and paragraph level, and has more to do with voice and rhythm than actual story. There were a few science issues, mostly having to do with distances and velocities, but thanks to Logan I think I’ve caught most of those. Thanks so much!
I’m also finding out that this story is much better than I used to think it was. With all the form rejections I’ve been getting for it, I wondered for a while whether I should put it back in the trunk and let it quietly die. Now, however, I can see that it has a lot more promise than I’d previously thought. Even if it isn’t published as my first novel, I really do believe that this story deserves a home.
At the same time, though, I’ve noticed some major differences between my writing in this piece and my writing in the stuff I’ve written more recently. I’m not sure exactly how to put it, but I think it has something to do with voice. I don’t want to say that Genesis Earth is more choppy, but it does seem a lot more…matter of fact, if that makes sense. There are also a lot more rhetorical questions, but I think that’s an artifact of the 1st person perspective.
But even if the voice in this piece is different from my voice now, it’s different in a good way. It feels more…YA? I’m not exactly sure, but it seems to work. The sequels, if/when I write them, will probably be in 3rd person (ala Spin and Axis by Robert Charles Wilson), and that’s going to create a much different feel than this book.
It worked for Axis, though, so I think I can pull it off–that is, if/when Genesis Earth gets picked up by a publisher. I don’t want to write the other two books in this trilogy until I know the first one is sold.
In unrelated news, I had a job interview today. It was with a wilderness therapy company, the same that wait listed me for the January training. I really hope I get in–more than anything at this point in my life, I feel that I need to gain some major life experience. Probably the biggest stumper question was “what three words would you use to describe yourself in your last job, and what three words would your supervisor use to describe you?” A difficult question, particularly when all your recent jobs have been temp jobs. I think I did alright, though–now, we just need to wait and see.
In other unrelated news, I threw an awesome movie night tonight. We watched Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, and maybe fifteen people showed up–most of them from Quark, but a couple of friends from some other places too. Man, that Scott Pilgrim movie is epic. So hilarious, so entertaining, and at the same time, so true. And then, we went to Dairy Queen and hung out until midnight hanging out. It was great.
In still other unrelated news, I recently ordered the anime series Planetes on DVD. It was at a good price, and I knew I’d buy it eventually, so I allowed myself to splurge. I am so happy I did, because the science fiction elements are done surprisingly well. All the little details, from the zero gravity handholds in the walls to the way the stations spin, are surprisingly true to real life, and the show’s vision of 2075 is not beyond the realm of our own possible future. In other words, Planetes is quite possibly the best rocketpunk anime show out there, and a great source for inspiration.
Well, that’s enough for now. Tomorrow, I will finish this novel and send it out to the agent who requested it. In the meantime, though, it’s 4:00 am and I must sleep.
So this morning, I worked on the fifth draft of Genesis Earth while Facebook chatting with some friends I made from World Fantasy. Next thing I know, it’s 4:30 and I’ve revised through 6.5k words.
To be fair, most of that work was pretty simple–polishing the prose, cutting unnecessary verbage, and the like. But…wow. Talk about a splurge.
Because of that, though, I didn’t get any work done in my other project, Into the Nebulous Deep. However, I did do something I’ve been needing to do since before World Fantasy: draft a query letter for Mercenary Savior. Here it is:
Dear _______,
My name is Joseph Vasicek, and I am writing to query my science fiction novel, Mercenary Savior. I thought my work would be a good fit for you because ______.
As the galactic empire slowly collapses under the onslaught of the starfaring Hameji nomads, the sixteen year old James McCoy sets out to rescue his older brother and sister, Ben and Stella, from the Hameji conquerors.
Things look bleak until he meets Danica Nova, captain of a down-and-out mercenary company, who takes him in and becomes his mentor. James reminds Danica of her brother, whom she failed to save when the empire slaughtered her family years ago. Now, she hopes to find some redemption from her demons by saving James from his own.
However, as the two of them spiral onto a collision course with destiny, neither of them realizes that Stella has become a concubine to the Hameji overlord–and that Ben has been brainwashed and made an elite shock trooper in the unit sent to hunt them down.
Mercenary Savior is approximately 120,000 words long. While it stands on its own as a complete story, it has potential for at least one direct sequel and several indirectly connected novels set in the same universe.
My previous publications include one short story published in the December 2009 issue of Leading Edge. I have also won first and second place in the annual Mayhew short story contest at Brigham Young University (for 2009 and 2007 respectively). In addition, I keep a regular blog at http://onelowerlight.com/writing.
Thank you very much for your consideration. As noted in your submission guidelines, I have included _____.
Cordially,
Joseph Vasicek
So what do you think? Does the pitch work? Does it resonate well, or is it boring / cliched / confusing in any way? Any thing else egregious that I should fix before I send this out? Please let me know!
I really suck at submitting stuff. Right now, I’ve only got three or four queries out on Genesis Earth, and one on Mercenary Savior. Like most things, though, the only way to change that is with practice. By next week, I want to send out at least five queries on Mercenary Savior and have the synopsis ready to go.
Also, my friend from World Fantasy had an interesting suggestion for me: try to break into the small presses with my science fiction stuff, to build a name for myself, and work my way up from there.
This runs directly contrary to Dave Wolverton’s break in with a bang philosophy, but it makes sense; very few major publishers seem to be publishing much space opera these days (with the exception of Baen). From what I gathered at World Fantasy, science fiction is a difficult sell these days, and several sf writers are going this route.
I could write more, on other subjects, but that’s enough for now. Good frickin night.
Sixty six percent! I’ve officially passed the two thirds mark in the fourth revision for Mercenary Savior–and not a moment too soon. With only a week and a half until World Fantasy 2010, it’s crunch time. I’ll probably quit my temp job a week early in order to devote the last few days of the month to finishing it.
As I’ve been working on Mercenary Savior, though, a fascinating idea for a sequel has been stewing in my head. It was sparked by an online conversation with one of my first readers:
Reader: I was never fully convinced that James felt he had closure Me: I see Reader: but I was satisfied with the thought that he would get it sometime after the story ends
he’s still young, so he’s still maturing
even at the close of the novel Me: yeah
hmm
interesting
It’s true; James does have a lot of room to grow and mature after the events of Mercenary Savior. In that book, his character growth arc (without giving away spoilers) is about him learning to accept change and stop running from adulthood.
Nothing in that arc has much to do with the kind of person James grows up to be, however, or the significant other with whom he comes to share his life. In other words, there’s a whole lot of untapped potential for building James’s character and giving him a romantic interest.
The question that immediately rose to my mind was: what’s the story?
Now when it comes to sequels, I think the best ones take a long, hard look at the first installment and answer the question: therefore, what? Thus, in Star Wars IV, V, and VI (which I believe to be one of the best examples of a trilogy in any medium), the Rebels defeat the first Death Star in episode IV, but find themselves on the run in episode V because the Empire knows the location of their base. Luke uses the force to pull off a last-minute victory in episode IV, but finds in episode V that becoming a true Jedi takes a lot more discipline and self-mastery than he thought.
So I applied that principle to my own work and came up with the following overarching conflict: the Hameji occupation of Karduna is devastating the people of the Colony to the point where they collectively decide to depart en masse and establish a new community somewhere else. It’s a logical conclusion taken from the ending of Mercenary Savior; the people are well enough off to survive, but too poor and oppressed to do much of anything else.
You may not know this, but the first story I wanted to set in this fictional universe was about a group of starfaring pioneers traveling into the heart of a nebula to escape religious persecution and establish a thriving community on the fringes of settled space. That’s right–I basically wanted to set the Mormon pioneer exodus in space.
For various unrelated reasons, that never worked out, but the desire has always been there in the back of my mind. What can I say–I think that pioneers are cool, and stories about colonizing unsettled new lands just fascinate me. I’ll probably write a massive Utah pioneer epic someday.
But anyways, I started playing around with this old idea to see whether I could recycle it. Right now, I think that I can. The idea is that James becomes the leader for one of these emigrant groups, and has to see them safely through to a young planet in the heart of this nebula. They decide to fly into the nebula in order to isolate themselves from the Hameji, since the FTL tech in my universe doesn’t work within a Nebula.
And then something really crazy happened. This scene popped into my head, stronger than any other idea I’d had so far. I imagined that a group of pirates had captured the expedition and refused to let them go unless they gave the pirates three young women to keep as slaves.
Pretty standard conflict, right? But then, I thought: what if three young women of their own free will stepped forward and offered to sacrifice themselves to save the others? What would James do then?
Well, it wasn’t hard to figure that out at all. James would never let them go. He’d fight the pirates, even if it meant risking all the lives of those he’s trying to protect.
This raises some interesting questions of morality. Is it right to risk the lives of everyone in the community when three individuals have already offered to sacrifice themselves for the good of the whole? Is it right to deny someone the opportunity to give their own life to save others? Or is James just being stubborn and reckless?
At a first glance, that’s the way it looks. But then I imagined what James would say to justify himself. After what he learns from the events of Mercenary Savior, James would argue that the community needs to stick together–that in order for the whole to survive, everyone has to know with absolute certainty that no-one will be left behind. Once the leader shows that he’s willing to sign his followers over, how can any of them trust him with their lives? Under such conditions, trust breaks down and the community falls apart.
From that, a whole host of other ideas started gradually coming to mind. How does this event tie into James’s romantic interest? Does it tie in at all? What would the people’s reaction be to this decision? Coming from the background of the Colony, would they want to put the issue to a vote instead? Is it ever right to suspend democracy when facing a crisis, and if so, under what conditions?
So anyway, I won’t tell you what I have in mind, but I have a lot of really interesting ideas. It’s gotten to the point, in fact, that I may just write the sequel after I get back from World Fantasy.
In closing, let me leave with this excellent track from one of ocremix’s latest albums, a rearrangement of Donkey Kong Country 2. Believe it or not, this song could be the main theme of this novel. Listen to it and I think you’ll see why.
Went to the Book Academy Conference at UVU today. It was fun, with several excellent panels by some local authors. More about that in a later post.
My new mp3 player arrived today: a refurbished iRiver T10. An ancient, nearly obsolete machine, but it’s got a good quality microphone, which all the other brands lack. Besides, if it’s anything like my old iRiver ifp-890, it’s built to last. With 1 GB of storage instead of 128 MB, it’s a step up in the world.
The revision of Mercenary Savior goes well, though it also goes slowly. Only 1.2k words today, when I was hoping to finish this last chapter. I’m right between part II and part III, with the twist ending that…well, I won’t give it away. So far, I’ve managed to add a scene and rearrange several chapters without adding more words than I’ve cut. That’s good–I need this draft to be tight.
I also dropped the money for plane tickets to World Fantasy 2010. They came to about $300, which was cheaper than I was expecting. I’ll be sharing a room in the next hotel over with Eric James Stone for about $50 per night, but there’s room for others if you’re willing to sleep on the floor. Just let me know.
I think I’m going to experiment with my schedule next week and try waking up early to write instead of staying up late. Maybe if I get the writing in first thing, it will help things flow later, and I won’t always feel like I’m playing catch up. We’ll see.
One final thing: I’ll post more about this later, but I have a great idea for a direct sequel to Mercenary Savior kicking around in my head. It would involve James leading the people of the Colony on an exodus into the heart of the Good Hope Nebula, where they would be completely cut off from the outside world–kind of like the pioneers. It would also involve letting James grow up and giving him a romantic interest or two, something that I didn’t really do in the first book.
And before you say it, yes, I know the advice is to not waste time writing a sequel to a book you haven’t sold yet. I think I could make this work, though. Mercenary Savior, while far from perfect, has a lot of potential–perhaps the most potential of anything I’ve written. I’d be surprised if I didn’t eventually find a home for it, and when I do, having a sequel already written can only be a good thing.
I witnessed a friend of mine propose to his girlfriend today…at one of the weekly meetings of The leading Edge. It was awesome.
We have this quirky tradition among Leading Edge slushpile readers (well, several actually). On the whiteboard, someone will write “Today is _____ day,” and then that person or someone else will fill in the blank with a different colored marker.
Well, when I showed up around 7:45, the message on the board was “Today is Multiple days,” with an asterisk that said “will be explained later.” Like most of the people there, I shrugged and didn’t think too much of it.
Well, around 8:15, Neal got up and said “I think it’s time to explain what I mean by ‘Multiple days.'” He then went up and started explaining how it’s harvest day, some other day, something else…
To be honest, we all kind of lost interest. Then he wrote down “the twist that no one saw coming,” and I think we cracked some kind of joke at it, but most of us still weren’t paying attention.
Then he wrote “Nyssa will you marry me?” and got down on his knees with a ring.
It was fantastically awesome. She screamed and went crazy, one of the girls got up with Neal’s phone and started taking pictures, and everyone clapped. Some of the editors came over to see what was going on, and when they saw it, their eyes just went wide. It was awesome.
Man, this science fiction and fantasy stuff at BYU leads to so many marriages. I can count at least half a dozen from Quark, and I’m sure there are a ton of others that were before my time. I think the main reason for it is that these sf&f clubs and events bring us together in a low-pressure environment where we can all just be ourselves and have fun. Friendships naturally lead to more-than-friendships when you don’t feel forced to date someone from the group every week (which is why Quark has just as many marriages, if not more, than most BYU singles wards).
Anyhow, congratulations Neal and Nyssa! I wish you both the best of luck! May all your children grow up to be just as geeky as you both!
Revised the first chapter of Mercenary Savior today. I will probably revise it a couple more times before this draft is finished, but at least I’ve done it once.
For some reason, most of my alpha readers didn’t give me too many comments to work with. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, but in practical terms it means I’m mostly on my own. Still waiting for some to get back to me, though.
Last week, I wrote the prologue, where as a young woman Danica returns to her home only to find her family massacred by hired thugs. It was…surprisingly dark. Charlie liked it, though, so that’s a good thing.
Charlie also complimented me on my prose, saying that it improves every time she reads something of mine. That’s a pleasant surprise, since I certainly don’t notice any difference–but then again, I’m so close to my own writing that improvement is hard to see. Good to know that my craft is getting better, not getting worse. Thanks!
Last week, I realized that I didn’t have any submissions out for Genesis Earth. None at all. I sent out a query on Saturday, but it was surprisingly difficult. Submitting is definitely not my strongest point; I really need to work on that.
In unrelated news, I’m flying home tomorrow to spend the week with my parents. I asked to come home for my birthday present; my mom’s health insurance through her work covers me until September, but only in Massachusetts. Since I haven’t had a dental checkup in years, I figured it would be good to get that done. Also, it’s a nice break and a chance to see my folks. I’m looking forward to it.
Let’s see, what else is going on? Oh! The Kepler Mission announced a press conference for Thursday to discuss “an intriguing star system” they recently discovered. Needless to say, I can hardly wait!
Also, no less than 6 fellow quarkies are moving in to my apartment complex this next semester. Six! And they’re all girls! If Baggins old place was Bag End, and his new place is Rivendell, our complex is freaking Minas Tirith. And we’re forming a dinner group, too! This next year is going to be awesome.
And that’s just about it for what’s new in my world. I came just shy of 4k in Mercenary Savior today, and I hope to keep that up (or do more) until I get a new job. For now, let me leave you with this EPIC chipophone presentation from lft. 8-bit music ftw!
So a couple weeks ago, I heard of this for-charity writer’s conference going on in Sandy this weekend. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to attend the full event, but I did go to the evening extravaganza with fellow writer and quarkie Jimmy.
The evening session was great! There were some excellent performances by Divine Comedy and singer/songwriter Nancy Hanson, and a giant question/answer panel with such local writers as Shannon Hale, James Dashner, Sara Zarr, Brandon Mull, and Brandon Sanderson, among others.
My question for the panel was “with the way the market is changing, what advice do you have for new writers trying to break in right now?” Most of the answers were pretty standard fare, such as “don’t write for the market, write what you love,” “don’t let all the crazy speculation keep you from writing,” and, perhaps implied more than spoken, “no one really knows how things are changing; just keep writing.”
At the signing afterwards, though, I was hanging out with Brandon Sanderson, and he had some interesting things to say on the subject. When asked about getting an agent, he said that new writers should follow the blogs of the agents to whom they want to submit and join the conversations going on there.
Let me just say that Brandon is better to his fans than practically any other authors I know–and that’s saying something, because I have yet to meet an author in-person who wasn’t friendly and gracious. Maybe it’s something about sf&f; the community tends to be really good to its own.
Anyway, even with all the fame he’s gained from the Wheel of Time (he’s basically Tor’s biggest superstar fantasy writer right now), Brandon is still very accessible and down-to-earth. He makes a special effort to remember his fans, and greets them by name (or by some other tag if he can’t remember names) when he sees them. One of the guys asked if he could take a picture of Brandon with a message to his son, and Brandon not only took the picture but posted it to his twitter pics.
Overall, the event was a good opportunity to rub shoulders with other authors and aspiring writers from the area–and in Utah, there is certainly no shortage of either one. Chatted with Dan Wells and Rob, an old friend from the first 318 class I took at BYU, as well as others. Besides that, the money went to buy books for low-income kids across Utah–how can you not feel good about that? Great event–I’m glad I could go.
I’ve got half a dozen things I could blog about, but it’s 2 am and cleaning checks are tomorrow, so I think I’m going to give a quick update and go to bed.
Worlds Away from Home is doing quite well–I’m only two chapters and five scenes from the end. I’d push really hard to finish it tomorrow, but I’m still waiting on some of my alpha readers for Mercenary Savior and probably won’t start that project until after I go back to Massachusetts at the end of the month.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the seven point story structure Dan Wells talked about at LTUE 2010 (which I missed, but caught on youtube), and I’ve got a TON of ideas for Mercenary Savior now. I’m practically chomping at the bit to start analyzing this story and working out all the complex plot and character elements. That’s very good.
While chatting with one of my alpha readers for Mercenary Savior, I had an interesting idea for a direct sequel. Basically, while James’s storyline has some closure (or should, after I finish this next revision), he’s still got a lot of growing and maturing to do. My mind is already working it out…should I make that my fifth novel? Or move on to something else first? The thing about direct sequels is you can’t sell them without the first book, and if the first book doesn’t sell…
I’m applying for Redcliff Ascent; if all goes well, I’ll be participating in the November training (since September is full). At first, I was hesitant about this (since I kind of need a job now), but looking at it now, that’s probably the best time to do it. It’s after World Fantasy, which gives me time to finish Mercenary Savior, and late enough in the year that I can still finish that article for Mormon Artist. Plus, I can easily get a schedule that allows me to attend LTUE 2011. The only disadvantage is that I won’t be able to attend all of Brandon Sanderson’s English 318 classes, but that’s not such a big deal (seeing as I’ve taken the class twice already!).
Other than that, life is good. I’m going home in a week to see my parents and get my teeth done (since my mom’s health insurance covers me until my birthday in September–why pay for a checkup when you could have it for free?), and I’m definitely looking forward to that. And now that I’m almost finished with Worlds Away, I can see that it’s got potential, and that’s encouraging. Not this draft, certainly, but once I fix all the holes, it could really go somewhere.
Either way, it’s going to be nice having four novels under my belt.
I’m not sure whether this notebook is #3 or #2. There’s a lot of notes from English 318, which would put it in the winter, but I don’t know if it’s from ’08 or ’09.
Not that that matters; ideas are ideas. And here they are!
An empty parking garage with no exit.
Covered this already in a previous post. Strangely, it’s one of the most popular posts on this blog. I constantly get search engine traffic from people googling “empty parking garage” and other such stuff. Who googles “parking garage”? Weird.
Telepathy through instant messaging between microchips interfaced with the brain.
Also covered in the same post.
And they all lived evily ever after.
Bwahahah! I’ve got Jakeson to thank for this line–specifically, from a conversation at LTUE. Good times!
A TV show where the viewers vote between ads what should happen next.
I’m pretty sure I got this idea from an Escape Pod story–one of the Hugo short story nominations from ’06 or ’07, IIRC.
What if the human mind, which we think is so great, is ridiculously broken?
After all, isn’t it true that we only use a tiny fraction of our brain’s capacity during our lifetime? What if the true potential of the human mind far outstrips anything we could possibly imagine?
What if the human brain was manifested as some sort of library / processing building, with short term, easy access, and archival memory sections manifested as bookshelves and long rooms? And there were flies or insects or parasites of some sort that fed on the archives, causing forgetfulness? And you were trapped in there?
I’m pretty sure I was tripping out on the Brain Science podcast at this time, combined with an old Roger Allen McBride novel about time travel and terraforming. Good times.
What would it be like to be God’s intern?
FREAKING HARD.
If perfect, instantaneous communication is possible, doesn’t this blur the individual identities of those speaking, so that they become simply voices in one mind? If so, does this mean that our individuality is based on the ways we misunderstand each other?
At its core, this idea is a take on the whole perfection vs. personality debate: the question of whether our individual personalities disappear as we approach Godlike perfection. I’ve come to the conclusion that this is not the case, but that’s a discussion for my other blog (which I have not updated in a ridiculously long time, dangit).
A middle aged mom at a children’s book fair in Utah who has a tattoo partially showing from under her sleeve
I saw this in the Wilk one day, and started wondering about this woman. Who is she? Where did she get the tattoo? Why is she at a Utah Children’s Book Fair, which is about as far removed from tattoos and tattooed society as you can get?
A robot that was made to suffer, as part of an experiment.
It makes you wonder what ‘suffering’ actually is. Do inanimate objects suffer? Do the rocks and clouds and sky and stars suffer? Do they weep for us?
On that trippy note, I’ll cut this short and finish reviewing the notebook in a later post. Until then, stay awesome.
So a couple weeks ago, I heard of this