P is for Parenthood

I’m currently in the process of writing the second edition of my newsletter exclusive, Science Fiction from A to Z, adding a bunch of new chapters and rewriting all of the old ones. For a blog post this week, I thought I’d share one of the new chapters. Let me know what you think!


I was going to make this section “P is for Pulp,” rounding out “G is for Golden Age,” “N is for New Wave,” “D is for Dark Age,” and “I is for Indie.” But I have to admit, I’m not as familiar with the pulp era of science fiction as I would like to be. I’ve read all of Robert E. Howard’s Conan and Solomon Kane stories, and Edgar Rice Burroughs’s A Princess of Mars (though not the rest of the Barsoom series, unfortunately. It’s on my TBR!) but that’s pretty much it. From what I understand, Jules Verne, H.G. Wells, and (of course) Mary Shelley all preceded this era, and I’m a little more familiar with them, but all I know about the pulp era is what I’ve heard from other sources, and I’d rather not regurgitate that without first exploring it myself.

Instead, I want to write about a major influence on every writer that gets almost no play whatsoever in public treatment of their work, but is arguably the single most important aspect of their lives: parenthood.

Becoming a parent really changes you. When I held my first child in my arms for the first time, a distinct thought came into my mind, almost like a voice: “this is her story now.” They say that we’re all the hero of our own story, and to a certain extent that’s true, but anyone who has brought a child into the world (or adopted a child as their own) has a much more complex and nuanced understanding and perspective. Even a terrible, abusive parent has still experienced what it’s like to become a link between the generations. That experience reshapes everything you do and are in ways that are impossible to appreciate until you’ve had it for yourself.

There is a subtle but distinct difference between books written by authors who have experienced parenthood vs. authors who are childless. I wasn’t as conscious of it until I became a parent myself, but even back in my days as a bachelor, I think I could still sense it, even though I didn’t know what it was. I suspect it’s why I’m a huge fan of David Gemmell, but not of George R.R. Martin, even though on the surface, they write the same kind of book. Both of them write dark and gritty fantasy, both of them are known for killing off major characters and doing horrible things to the ones who survive, and both of them are written quite well—in fact, on an artistic level, Martin is probably superior. But where Martin tends to obsess over themes of victimhood and victimization, Gemmell focuses more on heroism and what makes a hero. Gemmell had two children; Martin (so far as I can tell) has none.

In 2022, I made a new year’s resolution to read or DNF every novel that has won either a Hugo or a Nebula award. To prep for this resolution, I made a spreadsheet of all the novels, along with other pertinent information that interested me, such as each author’s gender, their approximate age when they won the award, and whether or not they have any children. I found some very interesting patterns. There were 110 novels in all, and fifty of them were written by authors who were childless (or at least did not have any mention of children in their author bios and/or Wikipedia entries). After 2015 and 2016 respectively, every Hugo and Nebula award-winning novelist (not counting the Retro-Hugos) has been childless—more specifically, childless women in their 40s and 50s, with one exception who is transgender (Charlie Jane Anders), one exception who is in her thirties (Arkady Martine), and one whose age I cannot determine (Sarah Pinsker). But all three of them are still childless, at least according to the internet.

Now, this is not to say that not having children makes you a terrible writer. In fact, it may actually make you a better writer, since you have more time and energy to devote to learning and improving the craft. But whether for good or ill, I do think that it gives you a handicap in terms of life experience. That handicap is going to influence both the subjects you choose to write about, and how you choose to write about them. I say this not just from my experience as a reader, but as a writer.

My wife and I married a little late, and by the time we had our first child, I’d already been writing professionally for about ten years. Up until that point, the reader I’d had in my mind was basically a younger version of myself. Bringing Stella Home is not a YA book, but a lot of my Amazon reviews assume that it is, probably because I was in college when I wrote it and was writing the sort of book that I wish I’d discovered back when I was in high school and reading things like Ender’s Game and Dune. After I’d experienced the real world and become sufficiently red-pilled, I wrote books like Gunslinger to the Stars for my naive college self. But since becoming a parent, my perspective has begun to change, and I find myself writing less for myself and more for my daughter—or rather, the kind of person I expect my daughter to grow up to be. I’m a lot more conscious of certain kinds of content, and while that doesn’t mean that I shy away from it, I do find myself asking: “What am I really trying to say here? What purpose does this really serve?”

The Genesis Earth Trilogy is a good example of this evolution in my own work. The first book, Genesis Earth, was my first published novel, and really was written for a young adult version of myself, which is why I chose to categorize it as YA science fiction. The whole story revolves around two young scientists on a mission to an alien planet, and how they come to discover just as much about each other as the planet they’ve been sent to explore. It took me ten years to write the next book, Edenfall, not because I didn’t know what would happen next, but because I didn’t feel like I was ready to write it. Then I got married, and that was the experience I needed to break through the block and finish the book—and it went in a much different direction than it would have, if I had written it while I was still single. But the conclusion to the trilogy, The Stars of Redemption, was the book that I wrote after my daughter was born, and that experience had a very profound impact not just on the story itself, but on the characters, the thematic elements, and the way the last book brought everything together from the first book to a meaningful conclusion. I know for a fact that I would not have been capable of writing such a book without the experience of becoming a father.

Camp NaNoWriMo: Day Twenty

  • Words written: 1,315
  • Total stories written: 3
  • Total words written: 14,538
  • Total words remaining: 15,462
  • Total words behind: 4,822

So I said I was going to write that politically incorrect story, but instead I had a really cute idea for a flash fiction piece last night, and spat it out. Had to do with time travel and the way that my wife always says “can we go to sleep two hours ago?”

Anyways, the wife is feeling very sick right now, throwing up and everything. The baby is asleep, and I really should go to bed too just to be ready for tomorrow. In the afternoon, I’ll be out and about cutting up an old tree and hauling it off to the transfer station, so not sure how much writing I’ll get done. With luck, a solid 2k words. That’s the goal, anyway.

Camp NaNoWriMo: Day Thirteen

  • Words written: 1,363
  • Total stories written: 1
  • Total words written: 7,926
  • Total words remaining: 22,074
  • Total words behind: 4658

Decent writing day. I woke up feeling much better, which allowed me to get a lot more done. I’ve also made a conscious decision not to do publishing tasks before noon, so that should help to prioritize the writing.

The problem before was that when I sit down to work (usually while the baby takes her morning nap), I would procrastinate writing by doing publishing tasks instead. Important stuff that does need to get done, but not as important as writing. The afternoon is Mrs. Vasicek’s turn to watch the baby, so that’s when I’ll do the admin type stuff.

Another thing I’m experimenting with is writing on a tablet instead of the desktop, which is set up in the family room where everyone usually hangs out. There are advantages to that (see Stephen King’s On Writing), but when you need to write your way out of a rut, some privacy and/or quiet space can be very helpful to get you to focus. Fortunately, I’ve figured out a way to work with Mrs. Vasicek’s old Kindle Fire. Cheap, crappy tablet, but it has a basic word processing app that produces TXT files, and that’s all I need.

So that’s what’s going on here. Should have a couple of days to get back in the saddle and build the writing momentum again. At some point, I need to haul a bunch of yard waste to the dump and help my sister pull her stuff out of a storage unit in Manti, but those aren’t imminently urgent.

Camp NaNoWriMo: Day One

  • Words written: 997
  • Stories written: 0
  • Total words written: 997
  • Total words remaining: 29,003
  • Total words ahead: 29

So after moving into my in-laws’ house to house-sit for them while they’re gone for the next 18 months, and hosting a ton of family in June when they came through for summer vacation, I’ve decided to get back into writing by doing Camp NaNoWriMo this month.

Just like last year, I’ll be doing short stories instead of a novel, only my goal will be 30k words instead of 50k. That comes to just under 1k words per day, which is actually a leisurely pace compared to a typical nanowrimo. But we’ve also got a lot going on this month, including new renters moving in, a family vacation with my in-laws, family from my side moving into the state (and needing help moving in), etc.

The first story I’m working on is actually an old trunk project of mine, that I feel I need to either buckle down and finish or else trunk forever. Part of that is because it’s about the breakup of the United States of America, which means that it’s going to feel extremely dated in another decade or so, no matter how current events play out.

After revising through about 1.5k words which I already wrote in the story (and which I’m not counting toward my camp nanowrimo goal), I put in about another 1k words and called it a day. I don’t think this story is going to be much longer than 4k words (maybe as many as 5k), so with luck I’ll be able to finish it on Friday. But the plumbers are also coming, and that has the potential to wreak havoc on the baby’s napping schedule, so… we’ll see.

At least things are off to a good start!

2020-01-10 Newsletter Author’s Note

This author’s note originally appeared in the January 10th edition of my email newsletter. To sign up for my newsletter, click here.

So right after we got home from the holidays, Mrs. Vasicek had her ultrasound, and we found out that we’re having a baby girl! We are super excited! She looks really healthy so far, so hopefully everything goes well and we get to welcome her into the world this spring.

Right now, we’re in baby name mode, and I have to say it’s a bit different from picking character names. You would think I would have some experience in this area, being a fiction writer and all, but no. My number one name choice is Æthelflæd, but Mrs. Vasicek has soundly vetoed it, which is a shame because it’s such a good namesake: lady of Mercia, daughter of Alfred the Great, and a formidable woman in her own right (yes, I’ve been binge listening to the British History Podcast).

In all seriousness, though, it is really awesome that we’re having a baby girl. I grew up with three sisters, and I’ve often thought that I’d be able to do well raising a daughter. Now we’ll find out!

We’ll probably give our baby a name from our extended family, though that doesn’t actually narrow things down very much. On the Czech side, I’m rather partial to Ludmilla (Lilly), but sadly Mrs. Vasicek has vetoed that one as well. Neither of us are keen on our grandparents’ names, so we’ll probably go back a little further, or save one of those for a middle name.

One thing we probably won’t do is resort to the Utah Baby Name Generator, though it is a real hoot. Tim Urban also has a really fun blog post on baby names up on his blog, Wait But Why. I’m sure if we’re indecisive for long enough, people will start to come out of the woodwork and tell us all sorts of crazy things about names and naming.

What are some girl names that you really like? We’re very much open to suggestions. Who knows? Even if we don’t end up using them, they might show up in my next book.

I suspect that Mrs. Vasicek will be on the fence right up until the month the baby is born, at which point she’ll make a firm choice and won’t be swayed from it. So until then, I guess I just need to maintain a firm grip on the Overton window, though it may have already slipped out of my control.

Æthelflæd…

2019-12-05 Newsletter Author’s Note

This author’s note originally appeared in the December 5th edition of my author newsletter. To subscribe to my newsletter, click here.

We had a very eventful Thanksgiving this year. My whole side of the family was in town for a baptism and a funeral, and we had Thanksgiving dinner with Mrs. Vasicek’s family, as well as pie night, which is a tradition my in-laws have. So lots and lots of family, which was stressful in some ways but also a lot of fun.

Mrs. Vasicek and I took advantage of this to make a family announcement, which I can now share with you: we’re having a baby! The due date for little junior is in May, and we don’t yet know if it’s a boy or a girl, but we will definitely find out next month.

I don’t think it’s really hit either of us yet. Of course, it’s something we talked about while we were dating, and since both of us are in our thirties we decided it would be best not to wait. Our lives are sure to change in a major way once little junior comes along, but for now, it’s still business as usual.

It has made me think a little bit about a blog post I wrote some nine and a half years ago, right after I graduated from college. The post was a response to a New York Times article about “emerging adulthood,” or the idea that we should count the time between adolescence and full adulthood as a separate stage of life.

The article points out that there are five traditional milestones that mark the transition to adulthood:

  • Completing school
  • Leaving home
  • Achieving financial independence
  • Getting married
  • Having a child

In our parents’ and grandparents’ generations, people commonly achieved all of these milestones sometime in their early twenties. However (the NYT article argues), because that isn’t as easy in today’s modern world, and because the human brain isn’t fully developed until about age 25, we shouldn’t put too much pressure on young people to achieve these milestones until their late twenties or early thirties.

As a 25 year-old at the time I read the article, I was much more interested in how I measured up with the milestones than the argument for putting off adulthood itself. Now, at age 35, I’m finally about to hit the last one.

I never consciously tried to put off the responsibilities of adulthood. If I’d found Mrs. Vasicek in my mid-twenties, I wouldn’t have made her wait another ten years. And yet, it seems that many of my peers are putting off adulthood as long as they can—in some cases, indefinitely. There’s a reason why “adulting” is a word now, and why pajama-boy is a meme.

And yet… if I’d met Mrs. Vasicek ten years ago, I don’t think it would have worked out. And if somehow it did, I probably would have put my writing career on the back burner, or abandoned it entirely. Many of my friends who got married a year or two out of college did exactly that. Those who are still pursuing their creative careers are generally either single, married without children, or stay-at-home moms (which seems even more difficult than juggling writing with a day job, but hey).

I suppose I benefited from this idea of “emerging adulthood,” since through my mid-thirties I basically was one. But I didn’t choose it because it was the easy path. It would have been a lot easier to give up on writing—but ironically, I don’t think Mrs. Vasicek would have been attracted to me if I’d done that, and there’s a very good chance I’d still be a single basement-dweller.

So what does this mean about this idea of “emerging adulthood”? Is it something that we should recognize? Yes, but not as an excuse to put off the responsibilities and milestones of adulthood. It isn’t worth putting off your life—or your future family—just because you’re afraid to take that next step, whatever it may be.

2019-09-05 Newsletter Author’s Note

This author’s note originally appeared in the September 5th edition of my author newsletter. To subscribe to my newsletter, click here.

Five years ago, I wrote a blog post titled “Reasons why September is my favorite month of the year.” Ever since then, whenever September rolls around, it becomes the most popular post on my blog. Since this is the first newsletter I’ve sent this September, I thought it would be fun to revisit all the reasons why September is the best month of the year.

First of all, fall is obviously the best season for a number of reasons. Summer is too hot and winter is too cold, but spring and fall are transitional seasons where, for at least a couple of weeks, the weather is exactly perfect. Spring is a close second to fall (and if you happen to live down under, September is a spring month, not an autumn month), but it’s ultimately not the best because the year hasn’t come full circle yet. Spring flowers are pretty, but fall vegetables are better.

Of all the fall months (September, October, November), September is the best because:

  • Chilly mornings — I love waking up to a nice, brisk chill! Must be my Viking blood.
  • Campfire smoke — Few scents are more invigorating than the good, clean wood smoke of a bonfire, especially in the brisk, chilly September air.
  • Farmer’s markets — If you haven’t experienced a proper farmer’s market with fresh, local produce and delicious free samples, you should. It’s a real treat!
  • Crisp Gala apples — Gala is my favorite, though Mrs. Vasicek and I have a running debate about which is the best kind of apple (she prefers Pink Lady). However, all apples are delicious when you pick them right off the tree.
  • Home-cooked chili — A classic staple of American cuisine. It’s too warm for summer and too heavy for spring, but for the colder months of fall and winter, it’s amazing.
  • Autumn leaves — Growing up in New England, this was a special treat. The American northeast has some of the most spectacular fall foliage I’ve ever seen.
  • Labor Day weekend — A very relaxing holiday, and the best way to bring the summer to a close.
  • My birthday — It only comes around once a year!
  • Start of the school calendar — New beginnings, and another reason why fall is superior to spring. In the fall, school is new and exciting, but when spring rolls around you can’t hardly wait for it to end.
  • Old friends coming and going — Related to the reasons listed above.
  • Last chance to go mountain climbing — And it’s much better to go hiking in the fall, because there isn’t any snow yet and it’s not as hot as summer.
  • First chance to take out winter clothes — You can always put on more clothes, but you can’t always take more off.
  • End of the summer slump — It’s always good when book sales are increasing.
  • Beginning of harvest season — So much delicious and healthy food!
  • Orion and the Pleiades — My favorite stars!
  • Clear blue skies — Chill air is great, but so are Indian summers.
  • Indian summers — What did I just say??
  • Long, chilly walks by moonlight — It’s good to get the blood pumping, but not so cold that it freezes your nose and beard.
  • The peace and quiet between summer vacation and the holidays — This is a big one. September is the last month before the stress of the holiday season, which seems to be creeping back earlier and earlier. But that’s a subject for another author’s note, which I’ll probably write as soon as they start to play Christmas music (hopefully not before Thanksgiving).
  • Getting back into writing after a long and eventful summer

Funny how that last one is just as true for me now as it was five years ago. It has been an extremely eventful summer, between getting married, spending time with Mrs. Vasicek’s family, and figuring out our new lives together. But now it’s September, the best month of the year, and things are coming together. Life is very, very good.

I’m married now!

So last week Future Mrs. Vasicek and I got married! It’s been really amazing so far. Amazing, and surreal. This is the first I’ve been on a computer since the 11th. We honeymooned in a cabin up in the Tetons, about a dozen miles from the edge of civilization, and it feels odd to be back, not the least because I’ve moved into her house now, which is now our house… an actual house. Like, with a yard and stuff. It’s pretty rad.

The reception was amazing, too. I should probably post pictures, seeing as we had a dunk tank in the end. Yes, Mrs. Vasicek got dunked in her actual wedding dress. She didn’t want the guests to get bored during the reception, so we had a dunk tank, and a bounce house, and an ice cream bar, and a live band that was really amazing. I’ve never seen so many people dancing at a wedding reception. The floor was packed.

So we’re married now, which means going through all of our stuff, figuring what to keep and where it should go. That process will probably continue for the next couple of months. I’m also learning a bunch of interesting new things about her, like the fact that she has a pen collection of probably more than 100 pens! Good thing she married a writer.

In any case, it’s going to take a couple of weeks to ease back into writing again. My plan as of now is to spend the rest of June outlining my next WIP, The Stars of Redemption, which will complete the Genesis Earth trilogy. Lots and lots of publishing stuff to do, too, including new print editions of all of my books. Expect to see those in the very near future.

To get back into the swing of things, I will do my best to regularly update this blog. I also plan to send out a newsletter before the end of the week, with a sweet deal for my subscribers.

So much stuff happening. It’s surreal. I’m married to a woman who is perfect for me in every sort of weird, quirky way imaginable. If you’d told me a year ago that this was where I’d be, I wouldn’t have dared believe it. It’s amazing. It’s beautiful. Everything is beautiful. When people cut me off on the road, I don’t even care. My wife gets off work in an hour and ten minutes, and I can hardly wait to see her again. Being a newlywed is the most amazing drug ever.

A quick update

If life had a crazy-meter, the needle on mine would be somewhere in the yellow green right now and trending toward the red.

Next week, Future Mrs. Vasicek and I will be traveling to Iowa for my nephew’s baptism. It’s going to be a big family affair. Future Mrs. Vasicek has met everyone already, minus some of the nieces and nephews, but this will be the first time that we’re all in the same place together. Should be fun, but also very busy.

Next month, we’re getting married, and that’s a whole other source of craziness right there. Good craziness, but craziness all the same. Things are coming together one thing at a time, but there’s still a bunch of stuff to figure out, and a bunch of unknown unknowns as well. It will probably take at least a couple of months after we’re married before everything fully shakes out.

As far as writing goes, I’m making slow but steady progress on Edenfall, and should still finish it before the wedding. I’ll share more details on that in the email newsletter that I plan to send out this week, but the short version is that I seem to be over the hump and making good progress. That’s where I’m putting most of my energy, so if the blog falls off for a while, don’t worry—I’m still here.

As for the publishing side of things, I’m figuring out how to get all my books out in print, which was something I thought I’d figured out back in January until I learned just how crappy KDP Paperback really is. That said, it’s the best option for the present time, so I’m trying to figure out how to work within those limitations and design covers that their POD printers won’t mangle too badly. Still, it’s going to be a while.

An area where I’ve really dropped the ball is short stories. It’s been months since I wrote the last one, and I need to put a bunch out on submission again too. Also, marketing is an area that I need to do better in. I’m experimenting a bit with AMS ads, but it is so freakishly complicated that I hardly know where to begin.

But reading is an area that I really need to do better. I try to spend an hour or two each night reading, but the last couple of weeks that hasn’t happened at all. My TBR list is about three shelves long right now, and that’s just the print books. That’s definitely an oversight that needs to be rectified.

At the same time, I’m well on my way toward collecting all of the works of David Gemmell, mostly through Paperback Swap. If everyone has a superpower, mine is the ability to acquire books, so Paperback Swap is a really fantastic way to leverage that. The Neverending Story is my favorite book, but David Gemmell is my favorite author, so I definitely want to have all of his books in my personal library.

That’s pretty much it. Still need to figure out cover work for Edenfall. Still need to assemble my first readers and get stuff figured out for that. All of these are good problems, though. Hopefully, I’ll be trading up for better problems in the very near future.

I’m engaged!

So a couple of days ago, I proposed to the girl I’ve been dating for the past few months. She’s pretty amazing. She’s currently at BYU, getting a masters in computer science. Where I make stuff up for a living, she actually makes stuff happen.

The funny thing is that we were both in Brandon Sanderson’s English 318R class back in 2009, even though we didn’t know each other at the time. She also lived in German house at the FLSR (Foreign Language Student Residence) during the summer I was on the Jordan study abroad. I lived in the Arabic house the year before and the year after. Also, after I came back from Jordan, she studied at the BYU Jerusalem Center.

So many near misses, but the way we actually met was through an online dating app. A couple of years ago, I wondered if I should try online dating, but I got this feeling like I should wait. Then around June of 2018, I got this feeling that the time had come to set up a profile and start looking around.

We started dating back in September, and decided to go exclusive after watching Venom (kind of a weird movie to cuddle together at, but still fun). I spent Thanksgiving and Christmas with her family in Provo, and apparently made a good impression. While playing a board game, her six year-old niece smiled at me and said “you’re my uncle!” to which I replied “not quite.”

Dating this girl has been a real adventure. Without getting into all the personal details, I can say that she’s got everything I’ve been looking for, and then some. On one of our earlier dates, we did an exercise where we each listed twenty things we wanted out of life, and five of those things were on both of our lists.

So yeah, she’s a keeper. I secretly met with her parents last weekend, and proposed on Tuesday. Nothing elaborate, just went on a walk around campus after eating lunch together. We’ve talked about getting married before, so after asking if there was anything else she felt we needed to talk about, I said “I can think of one thing,” got down on one knee, and took out the ring.

We’re planning to get married in June. My dad will be out of school by then, and hopefully my sister and her boyfriend will have their residency papers in Brazil figured out so that they can come. It feels like a long engagement period, and perhaps for a Latter-day Saint wedding it is, but I can be patient. Probably.

Good things are definitely happening!