Life Decisions – Page 5 – One Thousand And One Parsecs

The Obligatory Valentine’s Day Post

I was going to write a long post on why I hated Valentine’s Day, but then I realized it hasn’t been so bad.

Of course, that’s mostly because I’ve been in my apartment most of the day, writing. I did go to Macey’s at one point, and was mildly annoyed by the crowd of people buying flowers at the front, but other than that, it’s been like any other day in February.

I’ve always been single on Valentine’s Day, and while I’ve never really resented that, I have resented the pressure in the LDS church to go on dates and find a wife. But here in Utah Valley, that’s a constant year round, not just on Valentine’s Day. And it’s pretty bad. Listening to some church leaders speak, you’d think that it’s a sin to be single–as if the free agency of others doesn’t even factor into the equation. And worse, they always put the blame on the guys, never the girls, so the girls keep on acting immature which leads to all sorts of ridiculous problems.

A couple weeks ago during Stake Conference, I got in a pretty dark mood after one too many talks on the subject. This poetry is what came out of it:

Find a wife,
Date a week;
Marry young–
A life so bleak.

Where singlehood is selfishness,
And loneliness is sinful, too,
Rejection is a kiss of death;
Unwantedness a fate too cruel.

That’s about as far as I got. I wrote some other stuff, but I’m not about to share it.

Truth is, I’ve kind of given up on the dating scene here in Happy Valley. The hordes of pretty yet immature twenty year olds just don’t interest me, and while I do have a few old friends in the area who I might look up, I don’t expect much to come of it.

Part of it is the fact that I’m twenty six, which in Happy Valley is the equivalent of thirty five or forty anywhere else. I’m just old.

Part of it is the steady accumulation of bad dating experiences over the course of the past five years, which has a lot to do with immaturity, both my own (which I hope has changed) and that of the general population of available females here in Utah.

Part of it has to do with the fact that just about every girl I’ve actively pursued ends up marrying someone else in less than a year.

But mostly, I think it has to do with the fact that I’m just not really interested in anybody. And honestly, that’s kind of liberating. It’s part of the reason why I decided to grow out my beard (pictures coming soon). Most of the girls around here say they hate beards–but who cares? Screw ’em!

But yeah. I’m sure I’m going to get a ton of concerned emails from my family after I post this, but at least I’m being honest.

And yes, I’m sure I’ll find someone someday (or, more likely, she’ll find me), and we’ll settle down to a life of passion and bliss and whatever, but that doesn’t have to be right now.

So happy Valentine’s Day.

(Images taken from postsecret and Kencraft Candy)

Some thoughts on the future

I went to the first class of English 318 yesterday, and the lecture got me to thinking about my mid- to long-term future as a writer.

Brandon spent most of the period organizing the class, which was made doubly difficult by the ridiculously small classroom size. I swear, bureaucracies exist only to make life difficult. This year, for the sole sake of screwing with everyone, they are trying to limit his class size to thirty people (twenty students, ten auditors), but that’s a whole other rant in and of itself.

Oh well–at least there’s still room on the floor.

Anyhow, after getting all the administrative stuff done, Brandon talked about the practicalities of being a writer. He made the very interesting point that as a writer, it doesn’t matter where you live–moving further away from the city won’t negatively affect your earnings, unlike most jobs. That means you can save a lot of money on a house if you’re willing to live 50 to 100 miles away from a major population center.

That got me to thinking: maybe, once my writing career starts taking off, I’ll move down to southern Utah for a while. The country is absolutely gorgeous down there, and the people don’t seem hard to live with. Small house with lots of space, maybe a garden, lots of outdoor stuff all over, plenty of privacy–sounds great!

So here’s a tentative map of the next few years:

present–fall 2011: Get a job, build some credit, get TEFL certified. Keep writing, attend some cons (LTUE, Worldcon), develop new projects.

fall 2011–2012: Teach English abroad for a while (Korea, Japan, etc), build up some savings, have some adventures. Keep writing and submitting.

2013–2014: Get a teaching job in the Middle East (gulf region), have some adventures down there, continue to build savings and gain experience. Hopefully I’ll have broken in to publishing at this point; if not, keep on trying.

2015–2020: Come back to Utah (maybe Salt Lake), live off of savings for a while and really focus on building the writing career. Attend cons and workshops, network, write like crazy (the adventures will probably give me lots of material), work on promotion if I’ve already got a publishing deal, etc.

2020–????: Hopefully, somewhere along the line I’ll meet my wife and get married. Also by this time, my writing career will hopefully be earning me a living–enough, at least, to support a family. With all these things in place, we’ll select a home out in southern Utah, settle down, and start having kids.

That’s one plan, at least. When 2020 rolls around, I’ll probably laugh at my naive and short-sighted view of the future–but at least it’s something to work with.

Brandon did make the point that it’s not as hard to make a living as a science fiction & fantasy writer as most people say–which isn’t to say it’s easy, but it is possible.

According to Brandon, about 1,000 to 2,000 writers in sf&f are currently making a full-time living. Most of them are mid listers–authors you probably haven’t heard of, but see their books occasionally in the stores. If your books sell about 5,000 copies in hardcover over the first three years in print, your publisher won’t cut you–and with the way ebooks are changing things, new business models will certainly evolve, presenting a whole new host of challenges and opportunities.

Bottom line, this is something achievable, so long as I keep producing consistently and work hard to improve my craft. I’m very optimistic about the long-term.

Now, all I need is to find a job…ugggggggh.

(image courtesy Postsecret)

The second to last post of the year

I’ve been figuring out what to say in my Obligatory New Year’s post–resolutions and all that. Before I do that, though, I wanted to give an update on recent goings-on.

First, the writing: I’m making excellent headway in the latest draft of Mercenary Savior, and should be finished by the end of next week. WAFH is coming along too, but at a much slower pace. It’s hard to juggle a good book that only needs a polish with a crappy book that needs a complete overhaul, because the one that needs the most work looks so much worse in comparison. Still, I’m making progress on both.

I just recently noticed, though, that I’ve spent the last two years working almost exclusively on Mercenary Savior. Whenever I took a break to work on something else, it was never more than a month or two before I jumped into another major revision of that project. I worry that that’s going to handicap me, especially as I reach the point of diminishing returns. Mercenary Savior is an awesome novel, and I totally stand by it, but I worry…well, I worry too much. Let’s just leave it at that.

Second: jobs! To my surprise, a number of places have been calling me in for interviews and such. My first pick would most likely be with the BYU Political Science Department, since I already know everyone there and would probably love it. However, a number of other opportunities have been opening up, which means (inshallah) that I’ll probably be employed by the end of next month. Woohoo!

In the mid- to long-term, though, I’m thinking very seriously about teaching abroad. I interviewed today with a program that places people in South Korea, and that could be quite interesting. If I choose to go through with it, I’d probably be shipping out in September, hopefully after completing a TEFL certification program. After working there for a year or two, I could probably land a much more lucrative job in the Gulf, which could be an interesting experience.

Then again, I could stay here in Utah, where I’m much more likely to find a wife…

But you know what? I’m starting to think that that’s a horrible reason to stay here in the bubble. I don’t need to live in Utah to find the right girl (or, as my dad says, for the right girl to find me). She could be anywhere.

And as for all that stuff about the odds being better out here, I’m starting to think that’s a bunch of crap. Yeah, there are a ton of young, available LDS women here in Utah–but there are also a ton of guys, and the competition has like a gazillion advantages on me. I mean, come on, I’m a writer–what have I got on a Marriott School graduate? Even a pizza can feed a family of four…

So maybe I should spend some serious time abroad, even if it does mean fewer dating opportunities. In the meantime, I need to renew my passport and get a job. And who knows what the future ultimately holds? Maybe I’ll stick around. Maybe…

Looking for a life experience

This week, I got hit by some good news and some bad news.

The good news was that I got a short term seasonal job, delivering phone books. That should keep me solvent for the rest of the month, at least until I can find something slightly more permanent.

The bad news? I heard back from the company with the wilderness job, and it turns out I didn’t get it.

So now I’ve got to figure out what to do with my life for the next year. My writing career, as always, is plan A, but that’s more of a mid- to long-term thing. And honestly, that’s how I want it.

I feel that I need to do something big–to go on some kind of adventure. I’ve been working hard to hone my craft, but I feel that I need to acquire some kind of significant life experience, not only to boost my writing, but just to grow as a person. It’s tempting to look for a comfort zone and camp out in it, but I don’t think that would be the best thing for me to do right now.

Before I graduated, I decided not to go to graduate school yet for a few reasons. First, I was sick of school, and felt that I needed a break. Second, I didn’t know what to go in for, and didn’t want to go to grad school just to postpone figuring things out.

Third, I wanted to get out of the cloistered halls of the university and gain some real world experience. I’d spent my whole life up to that point in academia, and was sick and tired of being sheltered from the “real world.” I wanted to get out and see what things were really like on the other side of the ivy.

For the past eight months, I’ve been bouncing around in Utah, working odd jobs to get by. It’s a different set of stresses and problems, and while I can’t say I’m unhappy, I certainly can’t say that I’m fulfilled. Being unemployed is about as unfulfilling as you can get and still be breathing.

I could probably find and hold down a graveyard job until my writing career takes off, but somehow that doesn’t seem much better. I don’t just need a job to facilitate my writing–I need a major life experience to broaden my perspective on things. I was hoping the wilderness job would provide me with both of those, but unfortunately that’s no longer an option.

So what next? Here’s an idea: maybe I could go abroad and teach English for a year.

I used to joke with all my friends that if I didn’t get the wilderness job, I’d probably leave the country and go on an adventure–but really, why not? A chance to see the world, use the teaching and language learning skills from my degree, and acquire new skills that might come in handy later on. Plus, when I come back, I’ll sure have a lot of interesting things to write about.

The big question in my mind is what I need to do to get ready. I suppose the best thing would be a TEFL certificate–I could probably get one of those in a month or two through online classes. But…is that really the best path? And what is the best program to go through? A couple of friends of mine who have taught English abroad for the past couple of years say you don’t need a certificate to get a job, but they were working with kids, not adults. And for the English teaching jobs in the Middle East (especially the gulf), you really do need certification.

So I guess I still need to think it through. Right now, my top three destinations would probably be Japan/Korea (for the earning potential), Saudi Arabia (for the Middle East experience), or the Czech Republic (for the chance to connect with my roots).

I don’t know, though. I’ve still got to weigh the pros and cons. I’ll probably do that in a later post–but for now, that’s what I’m thinking about. And the more I think about it, the more attractive it becomes…

Where were you on 9/11/01?

Tuesday Sept 11th, 2001
Day of the Terrorist Attacks on the WTC and Pentagon

Today has been an incredible day. In describing the events that happened today, one of the teachers said that “the world has changed significantly from what it used to be.” There’s no doubt that that’s true. It’s so strange, I’m still having trouble computing it; it seems almost like a dream; that tomorrow we’ll get up and nothing will be different.

On September 10th, 2001, I resolved to keep a daily journal for one full year (and actually followed through on it until June the next year). That journal turned into a detailed account of my personal reaction to the 9/11 terrorist attacks, the most historic, world-changing event to happen in my lifetime.

September 11th was the first day of school for my junior year in high school.

I first heard the news in 2nd period, which was AP US History with Mr. Gunn. I was excited to see his class, see what the year would be like, etc. Everyone was scrambling for a test. He came in a bit late, and was visibly shaken. He told us that the test was cancelled, and then broke the news to us.

I don’t think anyone computed it right then. I know I didn’t. I heard about it, and immediately my love of storms, breaking news, and perilous events kicked in. But I knew that what had happened was big – and not cool one bit.

I choked down the impulse to get excited, but I did want to know more – a lot more. I asked several questions about what had happened, but there wasn’t much info right then. I had no idea what the incredible magnitude of the event was; I still have trouble, it’s like something from a movie or something.

Needless to say, that was the weirdest first day of school I’ve ever had. Classes went on as scheduled, except for the last period of day, which was canceled for an impromptu school-wide assembly. Everything was upside down, with teachers and students trying simultaneously to launch another school year while doing everything they could to find out what the hell was happening on the news.

I didn’t get to a TV until the mid-afternoon, during my lunch break.

CNN was on, and they were showing footage of the Trade Center and the second plane ripping through it. They showed the buildings on fire and the scene around the buildings. It was incredible; eerie…it was really then that I started to comprehend the sheer magnitude of what had happened.

I watched footage of the Trade Center as the building collapsed – that was incredible. I watched the footage reels play over and over again. There was one of someone at the very foot of the building shooting the building as it burned, then caught it as it began to collapse, and then it started jiggling around as the guy and everyone around him scrambled as fast as they could to get out of there!

It was surreal. In the middle school just across the street, kids burst out laughing when they watched the second plane hit the other tower–then looked around in frightened disbelief as they realized that it was real. I remember looking at the photographs from the New York Times the next day and thinking I was reading a superhero comic, not the newspaper. It just didn’t compute.

I had a ton of questions on my mind that day, and they generally went in this order:

1) Was anyone I personally know hurt or killed in the attack?
2) Were any of the victims friends or family of people I know?
3) Is there going to be a war?

We’re going to remember this day for years and years, it’s incredible. The world has changed; I can feel it. It seems tonight like the stuff on the news is amazing and true, but it doesn’t seem real – not in the sense that I think any of us fully understand everything that’s gone on – everything about everyone who’s been affected by this, including ourselves.

For me, it feels exciting and horrifying at the same time, and I almost feel as if it’ll be gone tomorrow, or at least people will still be reporting on it and nothing will have changed from tonight’s events. Of course, that’s not true.

Interestingly enough, I had been watching the news on an almost daily basis for over a year, waiting for something like this to happen. When the second Palestinian intifada began in 2000, I spent all my free time at school on the internet, checking on the latest developments in the Middle East. When the nightly news stopped covering it, I became so disgusted I stopped watching TV news.

So I already knew who Osama Bin Laden was. I knew all about the Taliban and their egregious human rights abuses in Afghanistan. I heard about the USS Cole only hours after it was attacked, and I was disgusted that the US government wasn’t doing more to defend us from terrorism.

So when the 9/11 attacks happened, I felt simultaneously excited and guilty. Finally, after months and months of slow news, something BIG is happening! But people are dying, too–thousands of people. Is it wrong to be excited? But I’m sad too–does that make it all right? How should I feel about this?

I’m not scared, I’m not terrified like the terrorists want, I’m not angry about all this – I’m just in shock, waiting to see how it all plays out. This is BIG!

Of course, the mental and emotional impact of the attacks were much larger than I understood at the time. I didn’t feel a sense of peace in my life until sometime the next week, when I watched a special LDS devotional broadcast from the Mormon Tabernacle in Salt Lake City. Even then, the impact of the attacks continued to transform me in ways that I didn’t fully understand.

Before the end of the school year, I wrote a short story that amalgamated all of the ways that the events of that year had changed my life. It was my first creative writing project since elementary school that I’d actually finished, and I found it surprisingly cathartic. If you care to read it, you can download it here:

THE DREAM DIARY

The writing is terrible, the plot is cheesy, and it gets a little preachy towards the end, but it’s more honest and genuine than anything else I can possibly say.

After the shock and horror and fear and sadness, the events of that day ultimately brought me closer to God and the people around me. It also led to a lifelong fascination of Middle Eastern cultures alien to my own–and the desire to show that no matter our background or culture, we are all equally human.

That’s the best way to defeat evil–become a better person because of it.

Things I learned from working in a call center

Over the summer I worked part time at a local call center. At the time, it was just what I needed: a flexible job that helped me pay the bills while figuring out where I wanted to go next. That said, I learned very quickly that call center work is not the sort of thing I want to do for large portions of my life.

I’m glad to say I quit my job on good terms with the management, and was one of their more productive interviewers. I don’t harbor any hard feelings against the company I worked for or any of the particular employees.

However, I do want to reflect a bit on the nature of the work itself, which was less than awesome, as well as some of the things I learned about myself in the process. Since this has nothing to do with the company itself, I’m not going to mention it by name. Also keep in mind that the things I have to say are heavily influenced by my own opinions, so they may not apply to you.

That said, here are some of the things I learned from working in a call center:

1) In the long run, jerks only punish themselves.

I spoke with a lot of incredibly rude people in this job. I also spoke with a lot of people who were courteous and well-meaning. Without exception, the jerks seemed overstressed and miserable, while only the courteous people ever seemed genuinely happy and content with their lives.

I think the way we treat others says more about ourselves than anything else. People who are mean and nasty to each other are never truly happy.

2) A small amount of patience makes most things go faster and smoother.

I hated it when people told me “just put ten for everything.” As an interviewer, I couldn’t do that–I was required to ask every question verbatim. Those who were patient enough to let me do that got through the survey quickly and painlessly, while the impatient people who tried to rush things almost always got upset.

I think it’s safe to say that this has a general application as well. When we’re patient enough to let things happen the way they’re supposed to, things happen faster and more smoothly. When we try to rush things that shouldn’t be rushed, we screw up.

3) The ability to genuinely listen is a rare skill.

I can’t tell you how many times I asked a simple question on a survey, only to find the person on the other line answering something completely different. I didn’t expect anyone to drop everything and devote their full attention to me, but how much effort does it take to answer a simple question?

I’ve known for a long time that listening is a skill that requires work to cultivate, but apparently, it’s also one that few people have truly mastered. If you can’t understand a straightforward question well enough to give a yes or no answer, how can you understand something as complex as another person’s feelings?

4) Political campaigns are evil.

This is a little tongue in cheek, but I stand by it one hundred percent. Every survey we conducted for a political campaign asked questions that were clearly geared toward developing negative campaign ads and manipulating public perception. None of them asked how the government could best serve the people.

5) Having a flexible work schedule makes writing both easier and harder.

It makes it easier because you can plan your time around other things that are going on; it makes it harder because your days generally have less structure.

I think I hit a pretty good balance by working in the morning and writing in the afternoon, then going in to work again in the evenings if I needed the hours. Call centers are always looking for people to work in the evenings.

6) Reducing everything to numbers makes human interactions meaningless.

This was, by far, the thing I found most frustrating about my work. I talked with hundreds of people from all over the country and didn’t connect with hardly any of them on a personally significant level. It was all about checking off boxes, where each completed survey was just another number in the system.

This tended to be more true of the short surveys, less true of the longer ones. For that reason, I loved it when I got a survey that took twenty or thirty minutes to complete. It’s very hard to talk with someone for thirty minutes without making some kind of a connection with them, however fleeting.

7) If you have a love of learning, find a job that lets you use your mind.

To be perfectly honest, I never felt completely satisfied at my work. A robot with sufficiently advanced voice recognition software could probably have done my job as well as I could (at least for the ninety second surveys). Over time, I felt like my work was turning me into a robot.

That’s ultimately why I felt I had to get out. Maybe I have a problem with authority, but I can’t stand being just another cog in the corporate machine. There’s got to be a way to pay the bills and still live life meaningfully.

Image courtesy W. Lowe

Am I an “emerging adult”?

I read a fascinating article in the New York Times today about “emerging adulthood”– basically, the modern trend of twenty-somethings (such as myself) who aren’t growing up and settling down. Says the article:

It’s happening all over, in all sorts of families, not just young people moving back home but also young people taking longer to reach adulthood overall. It’s a development that predates the current economic doldrums, and no one knows yet what the impact will be…we’re in the thick of what one sociologist calls “the changing timetable for adulthood.”

The debate goes like this: on the one extreme are those who claim that the age range of 18 to ~30 represents a distinct stage of life, similar to adolescence, in which people are still developing their goals, plans, and worldviews, and should not be expected to take on the full weight of adult responsibilities. They use neurological studies to back this up, showing that the brain is not fully developed until roughly the age of 25.

On the other extreme are those who basically argue that such a definition would give twenty-somethings just another excuse to postpone growing up–that they need to stop leeching off of others and face the real world. They point to the fact that those who skip this phase, starting careers and families in their early twenties, don’t miss anything “universal and essential” for their development.

Of course, the debate is much more complex than these two extremes. I won’t describe it in depth here: do yourself a favor and peruse the article for yourself.

My own views on this issue are mixed. I tend to think that most of my peers are putting off adulthood more because they’re scared or lazy than because of anything else, but at the same time, I do believe that there are others who would like to grow up and move on, but don’t feel like they have a secure footing on this slippery thing we call the “real world.” I’d put myself in that category.

As an example, let’s examine how I’m doing with the transition to adulthood. The five traditional milestones of the transition, according to the article, are:

1) Completing school
2) Leaving the home
3) Achieving financial independence
4) Getting married
5) Having a child

How am I doing with each one?

1) Completing school

I graduated in April of this year with a bachelors in political science and a bachelors in Middle Eastern studies & Arabic. If that’s sufficient schooling to consider my education complete, then I’ve passed this mark.

In today’s world, however, many career paths require an advanced degree. Political science especially is considered little more than a stepping stone, either to law school or a masters in public administration or public policy.

Middle Eastern studies is the same; most students go on to study Arabic at a graduate level, or else work in Washington DC for a while before getting a masters. The only path that bypasses further education is the military, though I’m not sure if you can start working at the State Department with just a bachelors. I doubt it.

None of those paths appeal to me, so as far as education is concerned, I’m basically stranded on a stepping stone in the middle of the river, unsure where to go. I could get a generic job that only requires that you have a bachelors, but without an advanced degree, my career possibilities at this point are extremely limited.

Of course, in terms of my writing career, the educational requirements aren’t quite so stringent–you just need to write well. However, I don’t think my creative writing is going to pay the bills anytime soon. Eventually, I hope, but not yet.

2) Leaving the home

This is one I can solidly say that I have achieved. I officially left home in 2003 and I have never stayed there for more than a couple of months since. I have my own apartment and don’t plan on ever moving back in with my parents.

This is a very important thing to me. When I was nineteen and preparing to leave on my two-year LDS mission, I remember thinking distinctly to myself that I was ready to leave home and set out on my own. Saying goodbye was tearful and emotional, but I never struggled with homesickness on my mission (except in one apartment where I couldn’t bring myself to use certain silverware because it was the exact same kind we had at home). In college, I never experienced homesickness at all.

I love my parents, but I will never move back in with them. If I did, I would consider myself a failure. That’s not that I consider others who move in with their parents to be failures–their circumstances are not mine–but I would never do it. I’d go to an old family friend who occasionally takes in transients before I went to my parents.

3) Achieving financial independence

This is a milestone that I’m working to achieve. For the past three months, I’ve been living completely independent of my parents, but I’ve just barely been able to make ends meet. I have yet to find a mid- to long-term job, and a significant portion of my income currently comes from donating plasma.

In absolute terms, however, I am currently 100% financially independent. I graduated from BYU with no debt whatsoever and a significant sum of money in the bank. Right now, I’m paying for my own car and health insurance, my own rent, my own groceries, and from month to month I’m not losing any money.

Of course, I’m also living in a 6-person student apartment in Provo, which (hopefully) isn’t going to be the case a year from now. When I move on, will I still be financially independent? That’s certainly the plan, but only God really knows.

4) Getting married

Ha. Ha. Ha. Definitely not there yet.

Not that I don’t want to be there. Finding and marrying the right girl is definitely on the agenda, but it generally requires three things: 1) another person, 2) finding that person, and 3) winning that person over.

Historically, I have a remarkably poor track record on the “winning over” variable of the equation–it’s one of the reasons why Chloroform by Flickerstick is my favorite love song. However, I think the faulty variable in this case is the “finding,” and that’s totally my fault. Here in Utah, there is no shortage of girls my age willing to get married–I just haven’t been putting in the effort to find them.

Why? Because I’m lazy? Because I’m scared? Because I don’t know what I want? Because I’m naturally independent and don’t feel a compelling need for an intimate relationship? Probably some combination of all four.

The truth is, I just can’t see myself in a married relationship yet. I can’t envision it. How can you set goals when you lack any kind of vision?

I don’t blame anyone but myself for any of this. Regardless, marriage is a milestone that I have yet to reach.

5) Having a child

To my knowledge, I haven’t done this yet. Considering certain laws of biology, as well as the fact that I’m saving myself for marriage, it would be extremely disturbing (to say the least!) if it turns out that I have.

But even if I were married to a female of the human species capable of assisting me in accomplishing such a thing, is this something we would really want to do at this stage of our lives? Raising children requires a lot of time, energy, maturity, and money. The first three, we could probably manage, but is it really a good idea to start a family when you don’t have a steady, well-paying job?

Regardless, this milestone is so far ahead on the map that I haven’t given it hardly any thought. The last time I tried to imagine what it would like to be a father was probably on my mission or shortly thereafter.

Is that a bad thing? A sign of immaturity? Maybe. I don’t know.

Conclusion

I suppose, if there is such a thing as “emerging adulthood,” I would fall squarely in that camp. Does that mean I just need to stop being irresponsible and grow up? No–it’s much more complicated than that.

So many factors in the transition to adulthood depend on outside factors over which I have little control. Financial independence, for example, hinges on getting a steady job. Marriage depends on the right person saying “yes.” Responsibly having children requires both a spouse and financial independence.

At the same time, there is more that I could be doing–indeed, more that I should be doing. The danger of society treating emerging adulthood as a legitimate stage of life is that it will inadvertently create a comfort zone that keeps otherwise capable adults too sheltered to deal with the real world.

I don’t want to be sheltered. I want to do battle with this elusive “real world” on its own terms and kick its backside. But am I ready to settle down? I’m not sure.

I suppose the only thing that can be said for certain is that according to the five milestones, my younger sister Kate is more of an adult than me. Ouch. But if she can do it…I’m not even going to finish that statement.

One of these days, I’ll get there. In the meantime, I’ve got a long way to go.

End in sight

Things are winding down for my current work in progress, Worlds Away from Home–or should I say winding up, since I’m just a chapter or two from the major climax? In any case, by the end of the week, inshallah, the rough draft will be finished. <crosses fingers>

It’s been tough, but I’m cautiously optimistic that I’ll be able to salvage it, probably sometime after World Fantasy 2010. Drafting is not my strongest point; I’m much better at revision. My goal is to have a fully polished draft before the end of 2011.

As far as the real world goes, things are starting to come together as well. I’m going home at the end of the month to get my teeth checked before my Mom’s insurance no longer covers me, and when I get back this temp agency should have a warehouse job lined up for a while, if I can’t find anything else. I’m cautiously optimistic that my sister will help me get a job at the residential treatment center where she works, which would be awesome, and of course there’s always the possibility that BYU will lift the hiring freeze (pretty soon, they’ll have to).

So here’s my plan for the next few months: quit my job at the call center and go home in two weeks, then either work through the temp agency through September/October or find something better. The wilderness job I was looking at has their training in November, so I’ll start the application process now in order to have that option in case everything else falls through. And if all else fails, I’ll go teach English in Asia for a year.

Meanwhile, I hope to stay in Utah until at least February, preferably until April. There are a lot of good resources here for writers, and I hope to take advantage of them. After I finish the rough draft of Worlds, I will throw everything behind Mercenary Savior and get it polished in time for World Fantasy 2010.

And then? Who knows. I’d kind of like to try my hand at a fantasy novel; I’ve got the start of an idea for a magic system, and enough knowledge of Middle Eastern history to throw in a sweet medieval Arab flavor in the mix.

In terms of the real world, my plan is to reteach myself Algebra, Geometry, and Calculus using some excellent resources my Dad is sending me, then go back to school in a hard science…probably. Still not sure what I want to do school-wise, but hopefully I’ll figure that out in the next year or two and head back soon.

That is, if I don’t get published and launch my writing career by then.

So that’s what my life is looking like right now. If you’re still reading and aren’t bored stiff (or if you just skipped to the end of the post, which is what I would have done), here’s an excellent song from one of my favorite Celtic bands, The Rogues:

Looking for work (and possibly an adventure)

Ever since graduation in May, I’ve been doing my best to support myself and be 100% financially independent. I haven’t gotten a steady, well-paying day job yet, but fortunately summers in Utah are cheap and I’ve more or less been able to make ends meet.

That’s not to say it’s been easy, though. I’m operating under an extremely limited budget, and things are only going to get worse in August. My current employment is more or less a dead end job, and I’m going to need to find something else if I want to stay in the black (and keep myself mentally sane).

Here’s what I’m trying to do to change that, in order of priority:

1) Apply for full/part time positions at BYU. My ideal job at this point would be to use my writing/editing/mentoring skills as a BYU employee in some capacity. Not only would I be able to stay in Utah Valley where all my writing contacts are, I’d be able to take classes at BYU for free! Besides, BYU is an organization behind which I can completely throw myself. Having graduated from there, I believe 110% in the university’s mission and the value of a BYU education.

The trouble is that there are probably hundreds of other graduates in my position trying to do that right now. More spots might open up quickly if the economy improves, but the competition is still going to be fierce.

2) Apply for a bookstore job in Utah Valley. Working in a bookstore might mesh very well with my aspirations to become a full-time writer. It would give me a chance to see a useful side of the publishing/bookselling industry, as well as opportunities to network with authors, readers, and booksellers. The pay might not be great, but as long as it’s full time and pays at least minimum wage, it would be enough.

I hear that a lot of local venues are going to be making hiring decisions later in August, as the summer term at BYU comes to an end and the students start moving back to Provo. For that reason, I’ve been holding out contacting places like Chapters (formerly Pioneer Books) and Barnes and Noble–the last thing I want is for my resume/application to get swamped under a huge pile of other applicants.

3) Apply for a Wilderness Therapy job. There are a lot of these in Utah, and I hear that they’re always looking for new staff. The work is strenuous–one to three weeks out in the wilderness with a bunch of troubled teens, living in survivalist conditions–but the life experience may well be worth the extended time commitment. Besides, considering how much it will cut down my living expenses (since I won’t be spending money in the wilderness), the pay should be pretty good. I may be able to save up a sizable amount.

The main reason I’d want to do this is because of the adventure. I feel that at this point in my life, I need to do something big–something I can look back and point at as a major milestone or accomplishment. For this reason, I almost want to take a wilderness job more than a BYU or bookstore job, but the tradeoffs are pretty serious. My social life will probably suffer, as well as my daily writing schedule.

Redcliff Ascent has their next staff training session in September. If I’m still looking for work by then, I’ll probably take it.

4) Try to find some opportunity in the Middle East. When I came back from Washington DC in April, I decided to hold out for a year before returning to the Middle East to see how the tensions between Iran, Israel, and Lebanon play out. While I still think there will be a war, however, I’m less worried about getting caught up in a bad situation if I’m in, say, Jordan or Egypt.

This would also be an awesome adventure. The trouble, though, is how it may cut into my writing career here in the states. I’ve already bought tickets to World Fantasy 2010 in October, so I probably won’t be leaving before then. Besides, most Middle East jobs only pay enough to cover living expenses–not enough to save up, or even buy a ticket back. Getting stranded in a developing country might not be so fun.

5) Take any part-time retail/labor job I can find in Utah Valley. This is the last option, because I don’t want to end up with a job that, for all intents and purposes, isn’t going to lead to anything bigger and better. If it pays the bills, though, might as well take it.

That’s what I’m currently trying to do to improve my employment situation. In the meantime, I’m looking up part time jobs and gigs on craigslist and trying to be as resourceful as I can. It’s not fun being poor.

Inshallah, though, something big will come my way. I have every confidence that things will work out for the best, whatever happens.

Image courtesy Postsecret.

The need to change

I picked up this sign at institute last Wednesday. The lesson was on our desires; specifically, how the thing that we truly desire deep down is often the thing that we get.

The main reason I posted this sign on the door was to motivate me to get a better job than my current one. However, it applies to so many other things as well.

Take writing, for example: if I’m going to actually turn this writing thing into a full time career, I’ve got to bust my butt to make it happen. Writing a paltry 250 words each day on a novel you’ve been working on for the past twenty years just isn’t going to cut it.

I got two form rejections today, and that made me realize that I need to be more serious about submitting my work. So instead of working of working on Worlds Away From Home, I researched a slew of agents, rewrote my query letter for Genesis Earth, and sent out four carefully prepared and researched submissions. I don’t want to spend any more time bouncing around from job to job than I have to–I want to break in and make this writing career take off.

So far, I’ve gotten approximately 14 rejections for Genesis Earth: ten form rejections, one personalized rejection, one rejection after the partial was requested, and two that I haven’t heard back on but have been out for so long they’ve probably been rejected. Interestingly enough, rejection itself is not that hard for me to deal with: it’s building the motivation and nerve to submit to the next place that’s tough.

But I’ve got to do it. I feel kind of like Hachimaki from the anime series Planetes, who quits his job without taking the severance package when he applies for the Jupiter mission. If he has the safety net, he knows that he’ll get lazy, so breaks goes out on his own, even sleeping on the streets for a while during the initial tryouts.

I haven’t quite fallen that low yet–I’ve got an apartment, a bike, and a job, even if it’s only a subsistence level one. But when it comes to long term careers, I’m putting everything into my writing right now–there isn’t anything else.

It’s still discouraging to get rejected, but I’m still very optimistic that things will work out. Even if everyone rejects Genesis Earth, I’ll have Mercenary Savior ready to submit before the end of the year. It’s just a matter of time–I just hope it happens soon.

In the meantime, here’s the opening sequence from Planetes. Such an awesome series–I’d take a job with Debris Section in an instant! Even garbage collecting is cool when it’s IN SPAAACE!!