Category: Desert Stars

Summer roundup

Alright, with the first week of school already over, I figure I should recap and evaluate my writing progress this summer.

When school ended in April, I was still waiting to hear back from Brandon Sanderson’s agent about an internship.  My backup plan (which I started as soon as classes ended) was to stay in Provo and write full time.

Sanderson’s agent ended up taking on a different intern, which ended up being the best for both of us, since I get the sense that he was looking to mentor someone who would go on to become a professional agent.  Me, I was just looking to network and develop some connections in the publishing world, which I did anyway (at least in the local Utah scene).  Besides, Provo is WAY cheaper than New York!

From the beginning, I treated writing as a full-time job.  I set project deadlines, daily and 7-day wordcount goals, and spent somewhere around 8 hours a day working on my various projects.  I submitted a full to an editor from the BYU Writing and Illustrating for Young Readers conference and partials to the other two editors.  I also submitted to the Writers of the Future contest and to the LDS Publisher Christmas story contest (much smaller, but geared toward a niche market).

I started keeping my stats on May 25th, using a spreadsheet to keep track of my daily wordcount for each of my projects, the daily total wordcount, the 7-day cumulative wordcount, and any writing I did for synopses or revision notes.  Since BYU’s summer recess begins in April, I missed the stats  for the first three weeks or so, but I kept consistent records since then until now.

From May 25th to August 31st, I wrote 244,065 words in 8 projects (3 short stories and 5 novel drafts).  I averaged 2,490 words per day.  Adjusting for Sundays (I typically take Sundays off), I averaged 2,906 words per day.

My goals were to write 4k words per day, and to shoot for a constant 7-day total of 24k, but to never let that total dip below 12k words.  In 98 days, the 7-day running total only went below 12k eleven times–on those particular days, I was either traveling, moving out, moving in, or extremely busy with back-to-school chores.  For the two weeks I was on vacation, I still wrote more than 12k words each week.

Interestingly enough, out of the eight fiction projects, only one was a rough draft–a short story that I worked on for two days and never completed.  The vast majority of my writing went into revising novels that I’d already written.

I completed the first draft of Bringing Stella Home in early June (my third complete novel rough draft).  Later, in July, I began the second draft.  I’m currently just over halfway through with the revisions and hope to finish by October 10th.

I started a revision of my first novel, Ashes of the Starry Sea, but decided midway through that I was running up against diminishing returns and decided to drop it (I completed the rough draft in April of 2008–it was my first finished novel and the reason I started this blog, waaaaay back in August 2007).

I started a new draft of Hero in Exile, making some drastic revisions, but found it difficult to juggle more than one writing project at a time and put it on the back burner.  I may or may not pick it up again once Bringing Stella Home 2.0 is finished.

I completed the third draft of Genesis Earth and started to submit it.  I will probably do one language/readability edit before the World Fantasy convention in late October and try to sell it while I’m there.

Overall, the summer was a practice run to see if I could write full time and survive the insanity.  I always feared, as a child, that if writing became my full time job I would come to hate it.  I found, however, that writing full time (8+ hrs/day, 6 days/wk) only made me enjoy it more.  Now that school is back in session, I already wish I had more time and mental space to dedicate to my writing.

I miss the summer, but not because of the lazy days, or the parties, or the vacationing–I miss the opportunity to write full time!  Provided I can find a way to support a family off of this, I can definitely see myself turning this into a career.  In the meantime, I’ll keep honing my craft and start working on getting an agent.

Now, more than ever, I feel that breaking in is more of a question of ‘if’ than ‘when.’

🙂 🙂 🙂

Fine tuning and David Gemmell ROCKS!!!

With Danke’s help, I’ve tweaked the site yet some more: updated the header image, put in the site description under the title, moved the comments link at the bottom of each post (where it really belongs–having it at the top is confusing), etc.  Now, the site is even better than ever!

All this playing around with CSS and the site code is making me wish I had majored in computer science or graphic design–this stuff is kind of fun!  I’ve also noticed that there seems to be a ton of job opportunities for graphic design (though I haven’t really been looking)–maybe this is something I could teach myself and figure it out while on the job?  It sounds like fun, but where to start?

Speaking of which, I need to do something useful with my photoblog.  I’ll bet I could make money off of it, I’m just not sure what the best way to approach it is.  I’m thinking a “tip the artist” button somewhere unobtrusive, a “buy this image” kind of thing, perhaps some kind of a print-on-demand coffee-table book…well, probably the BEST place to start is to drive more traffic to the site.  30 unique visitors per day isn’t all that impressive. =P

In miscellaneous updates, I picked up a book by David Gemmell at the library.  Gemmell writes some amazing heroic fantasy, and I’ve realized that that’s kind of what I’m shooting for with Bringing Stella Home.  I’m reading some other novels, too, but none of them have really grabbed me (in fact, I put a couple of them down just out of disgust and content issues).  

This Gemmell book I picked up, however, is awesome!  Hooked me on the first page, with some fast action, engaging characters, and interesting philosophical reflections.   Unlike the other stuff I’ve been reading, most of which I’ve been reading over the past few weeks, I’ll probably finish this Gemmell book in a few days.  Good stuff!

And…it’s past 2am.  Bah.

EDIT: Oh, I forgot to mention that I decided to pick up Hero in Exile and revise it.

 I’ve completely revised my outline (translation: I threw it out wholesale and decided to play it by ear, with a vague idea of the ending instead of a firm plan) and decided to give one of the side characters a viewpoint, since I don’t think the main protagonist has enough of a story to drive the entire novel by himself.  Renamed him from “Tristan” to “Cavin,” and I’ll probably change the title as well.  

The first chapter is still shaky, but meh, it’s good enough for a first draft.  I’ll probably throw it out once I’ve written the ending and start somewhere else.

There are two reasons I decided to pick up this project–three, actually: 1) I enjoy writing in the universe of Bringing Stella Home, and Hero in Exile is where I got most of my setting ideas for that novel; 2) I need practice writing endings, so I didn’t want to leave this as an unfinished project, and; 3) I feel I need a second project to work on when I get exhausted with the first one.  

Hopefully, instead of getting tripped up,  can recharge my creative batteries for the one while working on the other.  At least, that’s the theory; we’ll see how it translates into practice.

Miscellaneous news updates

I’m so bad at writing catchy titles for my blog posts.  CORRECTION: I can come up with catchy, sexy, exciting titles for my blog posts, it’s just that the first one that comes to mind is always dull and uninteresting.  Well, too bad.  To quote my mother: “suffer!”

Item One: State of the summer plans

Real quick: still haven’t heard back from the guys at JABberwocky.  I’m starting to think their either really disorganized (not out of the realm of possibility), or they’ve picked someone for the internship and it’s not much of a priority for them to get back to me.  I’ll email them tomorrow or Friday and ask what’s going on; probably I’ll stay in Provo, at least for spring.  But you know what?  I’m actually okay with that.

Lately, I’ve been staying at my sister’s apartment, hanging out with her and her husband, and spending most of the day at the HBLL writing (and chatting with Charlie, who seems to be perpetually bored at her nine-to-five job).  Should I end up staying in Provo, I don’t think that’s going to  change much.  I might work a couple part-time and/or temp jobs, and definitely attend a few cons and writers’ conferences, but that’s about it.

Oh, and maybe go on a random road trip every once and a while.  Fun! 🙂

Item Two: State of Genesis Earth

The rewrite is coming along very well!  I’m over 80% finished now and I think it’s getting better.  Incrementally, certainly, and there remains a lot of room for improvement, but at least it’s headed in the right direction.

I’ll probably write a different blog post on this, but I got Brandon’s comments back on the first three chapters (I submitted those for the final) and his comments were…interesting.  Helpful, certainly, but a lot more negative than I thought they would be.  Basically, he got really confused in chapter 2, and that ruined it for him.  I’ve got to completely overhaul a couple of those scenes to make sure they’re clear.  Fortunately, he really liked chapter 1, so if I can fix chapter 2 in the same way I fixed chapter 1, I think I’ll be in business.

Item Three: Other projects

With all this free time, now that school’s out, I think I should take on another writing project.  Back in the fall, I tried to do this and utterly failed at it, but now that I’ve got the time I think I can manage.  The question is, which project should I choose to work on first?

Option 1: Bringing Estella Home

Summary: When their home system is conquered by the ruthless Hameji barbarian warfleet, James leaves his home and sets out to rescue his older brother and sister, who have been captured and enslaved.  Little does he know, his brother is being turned into a Hameji killing machine and his sister has become one of the Hameji overlord’s personal concubines.

This is the most recent project.  It’s about half finished, but it needs some major revision work before I can comfortably continue where I left off.  It’s got a lot of action, but it’s also pretty dark and tragic.  Not a happy space opera, that’s for sure.

Option 2: Hero in Exile

Summary: Tristen (lamest name ever–I’m totally going to change his name if/when I pick up this project again) fell from the sky in an escape pod when he was only eight years old and was raised in the desert of Nova Gaia by a clan of desert tribesmen.  When he sets out with Mira, the chieftain’s daughter, for the legendary Temple of a Thousand Suns to ask the keepers of the Holy Archives of the Earth of Legend about his true parentage, he has no idea of the disparity, depravity, and danger he will meet in the world outside the small, isolated community of local tribesmen–or of the corruption and intrigue within.

I started this one in the fall, planned it out extensively, and then, halfway through…realizing I was writing a completely different story.  If I pick up this project, I have virtually no idea where I’ll end up with it.  However, it’s a fun space opera with a lot of action and a fair amount of romance (unlike Bringing Estella Home which has virtually zero romance.  No, slaves and concubines don’t count).

Option 3: The Phoenix of Nova Terra

Summary: When Ian finds himself stranded on a distant planet, the only thing he wants is to meet up with the rest of his crew and go home.  Little does he know, the native humans already venerate him as their chosen savior and their king has selected his daughter to be his wife.  When his journey takes deep into the forbidden lands, from which no-one has ever returned alive, Ian begins to uncover the secrets of this long-lost world, and the alien artifacts that will forever alter the paradigm of galactic human civilization–for its good or its destruction.

Gosh, how do you write a paragraph summary for a 168,000 word epic?  This is the first complete rough draft of a novel that I’ve written, and it is HUGE.  It spans dozens of worlds, six separate civilizations (including one alien and one AI), seven or eight viewpoint characters, and a friggin boatload of internal and external conflicts.  INSANE.  What’s more, it requires a lot of work–the rough draft was REALLY bad.  But you know what?  It might be kind of fun to try out.  It’s definitely a very fun, very positive story, with lots of intrigue and lots of romance.

So, the question is: which one should I pick up first?  Which ones should I work on this summer?  I’ll probably only be able to do two, plus Genesis Earth; which ones should I choose?

Item Four: Looking for Beta readers

 

This last item is pretty brief: I’m about to finish up with the Genesis Earth rewrite, and I need some beta readers to help out with it.  I’ve already got about a dozen people or so, but it wouldn’t hurt to have some more.  I’m looking for as much criticism and feedback as you can give me–anything helpful, including specific problems as well as your broader, overall impressions.  

Who wants to help out that can read this story by the end of May?  I really appreciate it!  Email me or post a comment if you want in (but please don’t ask to read it unless I already know you from real life).

Aaaaand…this post is almost 1,100 words long.  Yikes!  See y’all around!

(images courtesy Inkygirl: Daily Diversions for Writers)

Semester endgame

Seven days!  Seven days! And then the semester is over!  Hallelujah!

Unfortunately, in the course of those seven days, I’ve got three major papers to write. It’s going to suck.

But then it’s over!

Thank goodness.  This semester has been pretty crazy–not in terms of work, but in terms of motivation.  A lot of the classes I took (especially MESA 350) are basically just repeating the things I already know, which is really boring.  When you’re bored, you don’t have much motivation to do the work, and when that happens…well, let’s just say that bad things happen when that happens.

Fortunately (or unfortunately, as the case may be), there’s nothing quite as motivating as last minute panic.  The work will get done.

Unfortunately (and this is definitely unfortunately), the end-of-semester crunch will almost certainly take time away from my writing.  Just when things were going so well, too.  The revision of Genesis Earth is coming along VERY well–I’m not only enjoying it, I think I’m making some excellent fundamental improvements on the story.  Of all of the novels I’ve written or worked on, I think this one is the most promising.  If I didn’t have any other obligations, I could almost certainly finish this revision in a week–possibly even less.  I’d really love to get into it.

Also, the other day I had an idea how to revive Hero in Exile and turn it into a workable story.  Hero in Exile is the working title of the novel I started last fall, but after I got 70,000 words into it, I realized that the story I was writing and the story I had in mind were incompatible with each other.  I put it all away, recycled some of the basic ideas, and used those for Bringing Estella Home.  Well, now that I’ve put Bringing Estella Home on hold (ironically, after getting 70,000 words into it), I just had some really interesting ideas how I could make Hero in Exile work!  It would require throwing out my original outline almost completely, but I could use almost everything I wrote previously–basically, tell the story that I was writing instead of the story I thought I was writing.

Except I have to change the name of the main character.  “Tristen” just isn’t a good guy’s name–at least not for science fiction.

So now, I’m considering picking up that story and putting Bringing Estella Home on hold for a while.  I’m going to be really busy these next couple of weeks, but after all the craziness has settled somewhat it’s going to be a very interesting question.  Honestly, I have no idea.  It could go either way.

But it’s all academic until the semester is finally over.  But dude!  SEVEN DAYS!!!!  And then…FREEDOM!!!!

I love writing

Man, I love writing.  I wrote 1,617 words today, and when I wasn’t writing I was thinking about what I was going to write.  I only regret that I waited until about 10:30 pm to start writing; it’s 2:10 am and I still haven’t started my Arabic homework 😛

When I started Hero in Exile, I tried to plan everything out before I started writing.  As a result, writing was a real chore, and to make it more of a creative exercise than merely transcribing what I’d already worked out in my head, I played around a lot with the language and writing style.  It was still a chore, but I think my writing improved quite a lot.  I’ve gotten some really interesting comments back on my writing style for Genesis Earth, some very encouraging comments about the way I played around with the English language.

For this story, Bringing Estella Home, it’s both completely different and more of the same.  I’m going into chapter 4 without any planning or preconceptions, so practically all the world building is on the fly.  It’s wonderful.  This is the chapter where Estella enters the harem and gets assimilated, in a certain way, into Hameji society.  It’s basically her discovery of this new world, and it is so much fun creating it as I go along.  Lots of room for a creative outlet, and yet at the same time, I’m also playing around with the language aspects of the narrative like I did in Hero in Exile and Genesis Earth.  The result, I hope, is good quality creative writing.

Of course, one of the side effects of this process is that it sucks up a ton of my time.  A ton of time, and not just time–since I’ve got internet access here, there is no shortage of distractions to tempt and indulge me.  This is actually quite a serious problem–and yet, if I forced myself to focus, would I really have been more productive?  It’s hard to say, because taking little breaks every once and a while can actually help you think of better ways to phrase things.  Still, I know that I worked a lot slower because of all these distractions; perhaps a little more self-discipline would have really helped me out.

When I move out on my own and make my own writing space, it’s going to be in a secluded corner of my house somewhere, with an old desktop computer that has no internet access, just word processors and perhaps an electronic encyclopedia of some kind.

I’m going to have an overstuffed easy chair pulled up to the desk where the computer is, the kind that I can just lay back in and get absorbed by the sheer comfort of it.  I’m sitting in a chair kind of like that right now, and it is wonderful.

I’m going to have lots and lots of music on this computer, especially trance music because it helps drown out a lot of outside distractions.  This room is going to have a skylight, but it’s also going to have a door with a lock.  There will be no phone in this room, and I’ll probably leave my cell phone outside.

There will, however, be a bookshelf on the wall behind me (at least one, perhaps two), filled with all kinds of books, most of them sci fi paperbacks, but also with a few key books on various interesting and miscellaneous subjects, as well as books with quotes about writing.

Sitting prominently on my desk, between a couple of bookends, I’ll have a few copies of my own books in print, just so that I can look at them and think “wow, that’s my name on those books!  My very own name!  I’m in print!” And, at least for the first few years, it will not get old, no matter how many times I look at them. 🙂

It’s going to be great.  In the meantime, I should do my Arabic homework. 😛

Productivity breakdown

I’ve been thinking a lot about the writing I accomplished in the past few semesters. In some ways, I worry that I’ve become a lot more disorganized and a lot less productive than I was a year ago.

Back in winter ’08, I took a couple of really difficult classes, got up early each morning to work in the BYU Bookstore stockroom, wrote a handful of very difficult research papers…and still managed to write about 120,000 words. Oh, and I wrote on this blog almost daily. I finished my first novel, started my second, read a dozen other novels, wrote reviews of them all…
I accomplished quite a lot.

In fall ’08, however, my workload was much lighter, my classes were ridiculously easy, I didn’t have to get up early to work…and yet I only wrote about 70,000 words, didn’t hardly write for this blog, only read a couple of books, etc etc.  Much less productive.

Though, I guess you could say that I made up in other areas.  I started working for the FHSS Writing Lab, and that took a lot of my time and mental energy.  Also, I think the quality of my writing improved quite a bit, and I experimented a lot with things that I hadn’t tried previously.  Right now, I feel that Genesis Earth, my second novel, is a much better work than The Phoenix of Nova Terra.

So maybe all of this “oh my goodness where did my productivity go” is just me worrying for no reason.  It’s hard not to worry about it, though.

I know for certain that I could be much more productive with my time.  I come home tired, with less than an hour before dinner, and I usually squander the time on the internet or with video game emulators.  I tend to put off homework, and only do the stuff that will get me in trouble if I don’t do it (though some would say that that’s a life skill…hmmm…).  On any given day, the last two hours before I go to bed is filled purely with time wasting activity.  I could use an extra two hours of sleep…

Meh.  I guess it’s always a struggle.  A year from now, I’ll probably be saying “I can’t believe how productive I was back in winter ’09!” That, and “holy cow, what am I going to do after I graduate??”

Assessment

Well, it’s a new year now, and English 318 has started! We had a wonderful class yesterday, getting things set up, figuring out our writing groups and all that. I am so looking forward to this semester!

With all of these changes happening, I thought I’d do a little recap and assessment of the last six months. I tried out a lot of new things over this time, and learned quite a bit about myself as a writer. I wish I could say that all of my experiments were successful, but at least I know a little bit better what works for me and what doesn’t. Here goes.

Experiment #1: Extensive planning and prewriting

About three months before I started Hero In Exile (the book I was writing last semester), I downloaded wikidpad and wrote a huge collection of articles, all about the world and the story plot. I spent a lot of time in worldbuilding before I’d even written a single word. I wanted to try this because I’m a discovery writer, and in my previous writing I tended to figure out the details of my world on the fly, as I wrote out the story.

This experiment was largely a failure, I think. I stopped writing Hero In Exile because it became too massive to write. As I wrote the story, I kept receiving story ideas and tried to integrate those, but towards the end of the first part, I realized that I was trying to doo too much. Planning didn’t stop me from discovery writing like I always do, and by the end everything was just too cluttered.

Experiment #2: Extensive prewriting of characters using Meyers Briggs personality types

I remember how a few months ago how I wrote a long post describing my characters using the Meyers Briggs typology (INTP, ESFJ, etc). I did this because I wanted more depth to my characters, and I supposed that by planning them out a little more, I would be in a better position to fully develop them.

My assessment on this is mixed, but overall I would tend to call it a failure. There were a handful of descriptions in the personality profiles that helped me to better understand these characters, but once I sat down and started writing, the characters started to do things that surprised me and that didn’t fit into what I had planned. By trying to describe their character before writing them, I wasn’t giving them enough room to show me who they really were; I didn’t give them enough space to act on their own and surprise me.

Studying the personality profiles was good in that it got me thinking more about my characters, but not a good way for me to conceptualize them before writing. I was simply trying to structure too much and not giving myself enough room to discover them and let them act on their own. By the end, I felt as if I were forcing my characters too much, and that made things very difficult.

Experiment #3: Waiting for the ideas to accumulate critical mass

For Hero in Exile, I felt all of my ideas reach a critical mass and converge while I was studying in Jordan. I then waited for nearly a month before sitting down and writing chapter 1. I did this for a couple of reasons: first, it simply wasn’t practical to start the project while I was studying abroad, and second, I had heard that a good novel is built out of a synthesis of several ideas, not just one, and I wanted to have all my ducks in a row before I started.

This also proved to be a mistake.  Yes, it takes more than one idea to make a novel, but you don’t have to have all the ideas lined up before you start.  I guess that planners do, but I’m not much of a planner, I’m more of a discovery writer.  By waiting too long to start the book, I had too many ideas to work with.

However, with Genesis Earth, I had the exact opposite problem.  I started way too early, before I had enough ideas to work with.  Now, a year later, I’m struggling to wrap it up.  The ideas have come, but the writing process was very choppy.

How do you judge when you’re ready to start?  I have no idea how to measure it.  It’s very touchy feely.  I think I started Phoenix at the right time, but Hero was too late and Genesis was too early.  At least I’m in a better place now to tell when is a good time to start.

Experiment #4: Spend more effort on detailed physical descriptions

When I wrote Hero in Exile, I found myself spending a lot of time on the aesthetics and physical descriptions of the world.  I did the same in Genesis Earth.  In doing so, I always tried to show, not tell, by giving some visceral or sensuous detail of something the viewpoint character was sensing.

I think this was a success.  Whenever I brought in an excerpt from Hero into the quark writing group, everyone always complimented me on how how full and engaging my world was.  The descriptions really added to the sense of wonder and helped them to feel that they were there.

Experiment #5: Avoid info dumps at all costs

Related to #4 was my decision to completely excise all info dumps from my writing.  Anytime I found myself telling instead of showing, I stopped and focused on what was happening in the here and now of the story.  I also withheld information to create curiosity and intrigue within the reader’s mind.  Throughout this, of course, I always tried to keep my writing as clear as possible.

This, also, was a success, I think.  At times, the readers became confused, but the withholding of information did create a lot of curiosity and desire to read more.  Many times in the quark writing group, people said that they were sucked in by the writing and very much wanted to read on to find out what happened next!

Experiment #6: Create difficult ethical dilemmas and have the characters wrestle with them

I wanted to try writing stories that are more thematic and deal with controversial and difficult issues.  For Hero, I had the main character struggle to keep his honor and chastity, where the people he trusted and loved the most try to manipulate him by tempting him to give in to his sexual urges.

I’m not sure if this was a success or not.  I think that it was, but it was like pulling teeth, and some of the scenes are a little bit graphic.  I guess that without giving my story out to some alpha readers, I have no idea whether it was a success or not.  I have learned, however, that it’s not a good idea to sacrifice entertainment for a message.  It’s possible to do both, and if your own story is something you’re not excited to tell, it’s not going to be easy to write it.

In short, last semester I wrote about 75,000 words total, without much to show for it except the unfinished rough draft of a flawed book, and a partially finished novel that I started last year.  Still, I think I’ve learned quite a bit from the experience.

Back in school

So, school has started again!  As fun as the vacation was, it’s good to be back.

I think I’ve more or less finalized my schedule by now.  I’m taking an Arabic grammar class, a poli sci class on Islamic politics (taught by an Arab guy who drove ambulances in Lebanon during the Israeli invasion/occupation in the 80s), a class on modern Middle East history, a class on Islam and contemporary society, and…English 318!  The one taught by Brandon Sanderson!

I took this class last year, and it was a lot of fun.  Brandon Sanderson is the best selling author of the Mistborn fantasy series, as well as the Alcatraz YA series and Elantris.  He also teams up with Howard Taylor and Dan Wells for the excellent writing podcast, Writing Excuses.  Genesis Earth, the novel I’m currently working on, is a novel I started in his class last year.

Last semester was really miserable for me because few of my classes were challenging or interesting; most of them were easy, boring classes that I was only taking because they were required.  Not so this semester.  Even if two or three of my classes this semester turn out to be tedious and draining, English 318 is going to make it all worth it.

Here’s the thing, though; I’m not sure if I should rewrite one of my older novels or start a completely new one for English 318 this year.  Brandon tends to encourage us to start with something fresh, but I would really like to revise the novel I wrote last year.  I was originally planning on doing that, but then I thoought about it for a little bit, and realized that I wanted to do something with the Mongols in space idea before it drifts out of my mind.

In some ways, though, this throws a wrench in the works for my long term plans.  I want to have three novels polished for World Fantasy 2009, and I was originally thinking about doing The Phoenix of Nova Terra, Genesis Earth, and Hero in Exile.  However, if I were to start something completely new, that would mean throwing out all the work I did last semester for Hero in Exile and doing something completely new.

I don’t know, but before I can do anything, I’d better finish Genesis Earth, and fast.  The first English class is in two days, and I don’t want to juggle two novels.  That means I’m going to have to sprint these next two days to finish this novel.

Finishing this novel is harder than I’d thought

So is trying to hit 3,000 words each day.  For the past week, I’ve been doing between 1,500 and 2,500 words every day, but lately it’s just been really hard.  I’m on break, and I know that I should have more time for this kind of stuff, but I don’t know.

It has been a while since I’ve worked on this story, and that might be a part of it.  I dropped it in the summer and just picked it up again a week ago.  That might have something to do with it.

I think it’s more than that, though, and I’m not sure what it is.  Instead of savoring the time that I have to write, I dread it and find myself putting it off and finding other things to do.  Most of my writing has been coming late at night, at the end of the day.  If I really was driven and enthusiastic about writing this novel, I think I’d be doing all my writing earlier on in the day.

Bah.  It’s like there’s some law of the universe that the closer you get to the end, the more you think it sucks and the less motivation you have to finish the damn thing.  At least, that’s the way it is for me.

But I will finish it before school starts up again.  That’s what I set out to do, and that’s what I’m going to accomplish.  Even if it ends up being less than 50,000 words, which is quite possible.

Right now, I’m just over 35,000, and right on the cusp of the central climax of the story.  At least, that’s the way I’d originally envisioned it–the rest should mostly be winding things down.

The really interesting thing is that now that I’m banging my head against a wall with this story (Genesis Earth), the other one that I was struggling so much with before (Hero in Exile) doesn’t look nearly as bad.  I could almost pick it up and work on it again.  And the novel I finished last year–the one that I want to workshop in Sanderson’s English 318 class this year (The Phoenix of Nova Terra)?  When I wrote the last chapter, I felt like the book was pretty crappy.  Now, though, I can’t wait to work on it, I think it has so much potential!

It’s all so weird.  All I can hope for is that something publishable will come out of it all.