This author’s note originally appeared in the August 1st edition of my author newsletter. To subscribe to my newsletter, click here.
So Mrs. Vasicek is currently in Florence, Italy for a work conference that’s been going on all week. Am I jealous? Yeah, a little. Do I miss her? Yes, of course. Does she miss me? That’s what she tells me, though she’s also having a really good time touring the city and eating delicious Italian pizza and gelato. Am I jealous? Am I?
In any case, it’s been really quiet here in the Vasicek household with her gone. I’ve been taking advantage of that to get some household chores done. After we came back from the honeymoon, we went systematically through each room of the house to organize our stuff, and everything we didn’t have an immediate place for we dumped in the spare room until we could find a place for it to live. Just before she left, we finished going through all of it, so now I’ve turned the spare bedroom into my workplace:
Here’s what it looks like right now. It’s not as messy as it seems. All of those cardboard boxes contain our books, which will have to remain in storage until we figure out where to shelve them. When two bookish people marry each other… you understand.
So yeah, it’s been quiet around here with Mrs. Vasicek gone. Quiet, and a little bit lonely. It reminds me of the time a few years ago when I was living alone without any roommates and got sick. I didn’t have any meaningful human contact for weeks on end, which was almost unbearable.
Writers tend to be introverts, but I’m actually an extrovert. Not the super bubbly kind who always greets everyone with a wide-eyed smile—I actually find it draining to meet new people, and prefer to keep to a small circle of close friends. But spending time with friends energizes me, while spending time alone drains me even more than being around people I don’t know.
Mrs. Vasicek is the opposite of me in that regard. She finds it draining to spend a lot of time with a close circle of friends, but gets energized when she’s in front of a large group, teaching or presenting or otherwise performing for them. She’s definitely an introvert, though, and tries to avoid unnecessary social interactions, especially when they might be awkward.
On our first date—which, incidentally, was at a bookstore (go figure)—I struck up a casual conversation with another person browsing the shelves. It’s the sort of thing that comes to me naturally, being an extrovert, but it really impressed her, enough to make her interested in a second date.
You don’t have to be alone to be lonely. That’s probably why I don’t do as well in large crowds of strangers. You also don’t have to be an extrovert: introverts can get lonely, too.
For extroverts, though, it’s either a virtuous or a vicious cycle. Spending time with people energizes you, which makes it easier to spend time with people, which energizes you, etc. On the flipside, spending time alone drains you, which makes it harder to have meaningful interactions with people, which drains you even more, etc.
All of this rambling probably makes me sound like I’m quietly losing my mind, but don’t worry: I’m actually just fine. My family was in town earlier this week, and I ran into an old college roommate just today and learned that he’s got a movie coming out in theaters next month. Awesome stuff!
So yeah, everything’s fine, but I do miss my wife a lot. She comes back in a couple of days, and I’m definitely looking forward to that.
