Joe Vasicek

Forget it…I’m going for it

Ok, so you remember what I said about putting off my novel and focusing on some other stuff? Well, I went a couple of days without writing in my novel, and by the end of it, I decided to change my mind. I’m going to go for it–and if I end up writing too much, well, I’ll just split my time between two projects. I’ve really gotten into this world that I’m writing, and I don’t want to leave it until the story is finished.

I am working on another project with my friend Steve, though. He was my roommate last semester, and he’s a film major. We get along REALLY amazingly well, and we decided to get together to write an online tv show. He’s really gungho about it, feels confident that once we finish the script, we can get funding and actors and all kinds of other stuff. He also thinks that it could be profitable. As for me, I’m more interested in just writing the story, but I’m also excited about this. Because, if this is a webisode series (I’m not sure exactly what you call it–it’s a tv series not on a tv), and we’re the ones who can write and direct it, then I want to make sure that it’s actually good! I mean, the biggest complaint I have with the stuff coming out of Hollywood is the horrible writing–and it’s really not the writers’ fault, it’s the system’s fault. #$%! Hollywood! So, if this is something we’re writing by ourselves, I’m going to make sure that it’s actually good! So far, we’ve just been working on the basic concept of the story, and we have some really good ideas, but I’m going to wait to post about it until we get a little further (and after Steve tells me he’s ok with me blogging about it).

On another note, I found a really interesting podcast. It’s called Tor Podcasting, and the first episode I downloaded was some kind of a panel between sci fi writers / bloggers, and it was really interesting. They said that when aspiring writers had a blog, it really helped the editors to get a feel for them as writers and in some cases helped move them out of the slushpile and on to other things. It’s not a silver bullet, of course, but it seems that blogging could be a good thing for aspiring writers. Which means a couple of things: 1) I need to be more careful about my grammar on this blog–make my rambling more coherent and pleasant to read–and 2) I need to blog about something more interesting than how many words I wrote each day! So, I will probably be making these improvements in the near future.

Other than that, I’m off to go camping with my friend Steve and my other old roommates! No, seriously–they set up a tent in their living room, and they’re going to sleep in there while watching some really amazing nature documentaries in HDTV! It’s going to be SWEET!! An excellent opportunity to relax and write a bit!

And so, with that, I’m off! Bye!

2001: A Space Odyssey by Arthur C. Clark

As I’ve become more and more involved in writing Science Fiction, I’ve felt a strong desire to educate myself on the genre and read the major Sci Fi books that have come before me. I want to do this so that I can make my own works stronger, and also because I really enjoy them. When I picked up this book, I did so more because it was one of the more well known books and I felt that I ought to read it than that I really wanted to read it. After all, 2001: A Space Odyssey is known to be really hard sci fi, and most of what I’ve experienced and come to love is more “soft” sci fi.

However, even though this book really is “hard” science fiction, I became totally engrossed and really came to love it. The last 50 pages in particular had a huge impact on me–I literally couldn’t put the book down!

2001: A Space Odyssey kind of reminds me of Asimov’s Foundation series, in that the thing driving the story the most isn’t the characters, the plot, or the conflict, but the idea. In Foundation, it was psychohistory and questions about free will and the ability to predict the future. In 2001, it has to do with the growth and development of humanity and wonder at the universe.

Like Foundation, it really isn’t character based at all–the story starts three million years in the past, when aliens encounter our primate ancestors, and goes forward to 2001, when astronaut David Bowman again contacts these aliens on a mission to Saturn that goes disastrously wrong. But really, it isn’t about David at all–he’s more of a vehicle through which Arthur C. Clarke describes the planets and the aliens.

The thing that really makes this book stand out for me is the writing. When the Discovery was flying by Jupiter, I really felt like I was there. It was almost as if I could feel the same anxiety and wonder that the astronauts felt–and when the probe broke through the first few layers of Jovian clouds to send out a video picture of what lay underneath, my eyes grew wide as if I were there. The writing throughout the book was superb like that.

One thing that surprised me a bit was that I didn’t mind how Arthur C. Clarke treated the man-apes at the beginning of the book. I’m a fairly religious person, and even though I accept most of evolution, there are some things about the Darwinist worldview that clash with my theology and can sometimes irk me. It’s not that I think I’ve got it figured out–because really, like every reasonable person I have to admit that I haven’t–it’s that there are certain things about the Darwinist worldview that I feel leave no space for the kind of stuff that I believe in. However, even though 2001: A Space Odyssey adhered very close to the Darwinist view of human pre-history, I didn’t feel all that upset or thrown off by it. I think this was because Clarke wasn’t preachy about it, or tried to use it as a way to downplay religion. Indeed, Clarke didn’t seem to have much to say either for or against religion–just that this was one aspect of where we came from.

And I think this gets onto something much bigger that I really liked about this book–Clarke didn’t try to explain everything. Indeed, there was a lot more left unexplained than explained, and that helped to preserve the supreme sense of wonder that the book conveyed. This wasn’t like the Star Wars prequels when they tried to do something as lame as explain the force–this book really showed that there are a lot of unanswered questions and fascinating possibilities in the universe. And I really think that that helped to strengthen the book as Science Fiction.

By far the strangest and most fascinating part of the book was the last fifty pages, when David Bowman gets to Saturn aboard the now partly derelict Discovery and finds the stargate. Once he goes through it, ALL KINDS of crazy stuff happen! And it was really thrilling to read! I won’t give away any spoilers, but it was really crazy–and really good as well! The thing that made it good was that even though it was really psychedelic and mysterious, I didn’t feel lost as I was reading it. I felt that I could visualize it very well, even if I didn’t know what “it” was, and every once and a while, Clarke dropped in a short explanation or two without breaking the action. Indeed, since the point of view was not really limited to David, there was room for the narrator to talk with the reader and explain some of the stuff that was going on. But Clarke really did a good job balancing the information he gave so that he preserved a sense of mystery without losing the reader. That, I feel, takes skill and practice, and can really strengthen a good story.

2001: A Space Odyssey is definitely hard sci fi, so if you like reading about characters or stories, you won’t get much from this–but if you have a sense of wonder about the universe and you like pondering scientific ideas, this is a really excellent book to read!

Some of my short story ideas

Alright, here are the two ideas I have right now. I’m not really at a good stopping point for The Lost Colony yet, but I think I can slow down enough to divide my attention.

The first one I got when I finished 2001: A Space Odyssey just last week. I was thinking about dating and relationships, and also thinking about the last 50 pages of 2001 (which, let me tell you, are psychedelically crazy!), and the thought came into my mind that a guy and a girl getting to the point where they start up a relationship is kind of like a first contact situation with an alien species. In both situations, both sides are trying to put their best selves forward; in both situations, communication is awkward and neither side quite knows what to expect; in both situations, each side is driven to figure out what the other side is thinking, and to predict what they will do; in both situations, the stakes are very high. So, I thought I’d write a story which is actually two stories–a first contact story that parallels an awkward dtr, where it’s unclear whether the first contact story is real or is just happening inside the guy’s head. Yes, I know it’s a really nerdy story. Yes, I embraced my geekdom long ago. And…to make it more geeky, I’m probably going to need a little bit of help with this one. So I talked with my good friend Steve, and we’re going to collaborate on this one. I think it could be really funny–just like Decision LZ150207! (speaking of which, I need to send out that story to some publishers)

The other idea I have is a bit darker. I got the idea of it from Joe Haldeman’s Forever War. I thought that the space combat in that book was very intriguing, about space battles fought across solar systems at relativistic speeds, and how the soldiers return after every combat to a very different world. For a few months, I toyed around in my head what a spaceship would look like that fought at such speeds, and I came up with this idea of a one man spaceship that was equipped to defend a planetary system from attack. And then, I thought “what would it be like if one of the pilots blacked out, was thrown out of the solar system at relativistic speeds, and by the time he came back, it was nearly a hundred years later and a peace treaty had been signed?” So now, I just need to come up with an idea for this pilot’s character, and to figure out a few more of the military details. And…I need to figure out what this guy is going to do after his life loses its meaning. He basically forsakes everything to go and become one of these pilots (since he knows that he will be flung far into the future), and the thing that compels him to do that is the urgency of this terrible war, but when something goes wrong in this battle (which he thinks is the final battle for his world) he comes back to find that the enemy that he has dedicated his life to destroy has made peace with his people, and they are now in an age of prosperity. He becomes a relic. What does he do about it? That’s the key issue–and I don’t know exactly how to solve it. I’m not exactly the person to do so, either, since I’m not a soldier and not a veteran of any war. But…maybe I can come up with something. I hope that something in my personal experience can help to suggest an answer to this soldier’s problem. Because I don’t want this to be a lame story where the whole point is to destroy the hero. I want it to be realistic, but worth reading as well.

So, those are some of the ideas I have in my head now. I hope that more will soon come! And really, the thing I need to focus on now is submitting the two stories that I’ve already finished. I’ve been lazy on that end–too lazy.

1,500+ words in two days and some thoughts on practical issues

These last couple of days, I’ve been writing in the morning/midday, and it’s been a lot more productive than waiting to do it as the last thing. I think that if I could get into a routine of doing it early in the morning, maybe before classes, it could be really good. The way I have my schedule next semester, that’s probably what I’ll end up doing. And, if I end up writing on the side of a regular job, that’s probably what I’ll end up doing after college as well–getting my fiction writing in each day before I go to work. I’ve heard that it works very well for some people.

The story is definitely progressing nicely. However, I think I may start turning to some short stories in the near future. There are a couple of reasons.

First of all (and some of you, I know, will laugh at this), I’m a little bit worried about getting too far into this novel before the beginning of winter semester. You see, for English 318 in the winter, we’re going to all start writing novels, but I’m hoping to get away with working on the one I’ve already got going. That becomes kind of hard, though, when I’m already 45,000+ words into mine, and everyone else is at the beginning. And I want to at least finish the rough draft of this one before I start another. So, either I go too far and have to start something new for the class, or…well, I just put it on the back burner for a while. Maybe I’m just stressing about it too much–after all, Sanderson seems like a pretty cool guy–but I dunno. Laugh if you want–it’s what I’m good for. 🙂

Second, I want to get a couple of short stories published in the not too distant future, and if I want to do that, I’d better write a few more. There are a couple of reasons for this. First, I want to prove that I can do it, both to myself and to my parents. It would be really awesome to sell something and see it in print / hear it in a podcast. It would help me feel a little bit more self-validated and encouraged to write more seriously–to feel like I can actually get the ball rolling on this writing dream that I have. And second, it would help validate what I’m doing to my parents. Rightly or not, they feel that I’m stretching myself thin, and want me to focus on the things that I’m passionate about and see if I can make a practical living off of it. I’m passionate about writing, but I don’t plan on doing that as a primary vocation, and I haven’t gotten published yet (although I have made some money off of it–$200 last year with the Mayhew contest!). If I can sell a few short stories, hopefully it will prove that I can actually do something legitimate with this writing thing that I have going.

Now, talking about this reminds me of what I’m reading in this book of L’Engle quotations, about how one of the ways the world marginalizes the truths found in fiction is by saying that writing isn’t a “real job.” And I don’t feel like my parents are doing that. It’s just…financial independence and providing for a family is also very important. I don’t think that they’re telling me not to be a writer–just to evaluate how important are the things I’m doing, and cut out the things that aren’t important.

But the thing is, writing is very important to me. It always has been. I was wondering the other day if I could ever get to a point in my life where I stop writing fiction altogether. And I have to say that I don’t think that that’s possible. When I came back from my mission, I found myself with a completely empty schedule–a life without anything to really keep me busy. And it took me only a week or two to jump into creative writing again–and in 8 months I had a 69,000 word novel. And after the winter semester, when I again found myself with a mostly open schedule, a number of ideas came together to compel me to write the short story The Clearest Vision. Then, while I was in school again, I wasn’t doing too much writing at all, but this idea came to me so strongly that I felt overwhelmingly compelled to write it down. And so I gave birth to another story (ok, the giving birth analogy is kind of weird, but it’s kind of…true…).

What I’m finding nowadays is that ideas are constantly developing in my head, sometimes quickly, most of the time very slowly, always on a subconscious level if not on a conscious level, and that when a number of them get to a critical point, I feel overwhelmingly compelled to write. Before that happens, I can go about my life doing whatever, not even thinking about writing the story, but when it gets to that point, it just has to come out. It’s just the way my mind works. And for that reason alone, I don’t think that I could ever become an un-writer.

The key is to embrace this condition that sets me apart and use it–not only to serve myself, but, according to L’Engle, to “serve the work” as well. Because some of these ideas could probably help to bring people to truths that they didn’t have before, and to see and experience life-changing things. So I want to embrace this, and get good at it. I don’t want to write just to sell something, or to entertain, but to tell stories as good as the ones that have profoundly impacted me and my life. I hope I can do it.

So, that’s what the vision is. And the way to do it is to stop waiting until the idea absolutely must come out, and to try and work with it while it’s developing. Writing is hard work, not just flashes of inspiration and word sprints that turn into golden stories. If I’m going to make this writing thing work, I’ve got to learn how to write regularly, submit my work and get it published, and work with my ideas before they get to that really pregnant stage. And so I’m probably going to work on a couple of short stories in the near future.

This post is getting pretty long, so I’d better wrap it up, but the next post will have some of the short story ideas I’d like to work with. And also, when I get a chance, I’d like to write some reviews of some of the books I read recently, like Mistborn, Princess of Mars, and 2001: A Space Odyssey (a piece of really hard sci fi, but a d*** good book!)

Zion and Babylon

So, I got back yesterday from my spontaneous trip with my old roommates! It was a lot of fun! Definitely worth skipping the last couple of days of classes! However, I can’t figure out how to upload pictures to this particular blog–I’m sure there’s a way to do it, I’m just not all that proficient at wordpress. Shoot. Well, you can check out my photoblog for pictures, since I’ll probably be posting most of them up there in the next few days. And if you bug me enough, I might just put them all in a pdf or a word file and upload it to this post. So there you go. But here’s basically what we did:

My old roommates are really awesome. I’m really glad that I got the chance to get to know them. They are just a lot of fun to hang out and do stuff with. I drop by every once and a while (you can do stuff like that when you have a car 🙂 ) and Sunday night, I dropped by to find them getting ready to leave for Zion National Monument! And they wanted me to come with them! Well, I’m the kind of guy who takes a long time and a lot of working up to finally decide to do something, so it took me a couple of really strenuous hours of convincing myself, but I finally went! And it was a ton of fun!

We drove until about four in the morning, listening to music and having a general good time, and sticking our heads out to look at all the stars, because HOLY COW you can see a TON of stars in Southern Utah, especially when you’re out in the road in the middle of nowhere! We passed through Hurricane and started looking for a park. Yeah, we’re all pretty cheap–we didn’t want to pay money to go camping at an official campground! Besides, it was 4:30 am. We ended up crashing on the lawn of a local church there–it was kind of funny! I was expecting that we’d stop at a campground, but instead I ended up feeling like I was homeless! But the weather was warm, and it was good. My friends told me that the bishopric stopped by and just kind of watched us for a while, but I was asleep and they were pretending to be asleep, so they didn’t bother us.

Then, after grabbing some breakfast from the grocery store, we went up to Zion’s! And it was awesome! The mountains there are vertical, red, and beautiful. We climbed up Angel’s Landing, which was rather short but fairly strenuous. There were all kinds of switchbacks and stuff, and I think we climbed up over a thousand feet above our starting location. It was kind of funny, because I noticed these signs that said “warning, falls have resulted in death,” but I didn’t realize what that actually meant until we got to the trailhead and on to the part where the trail runs parallel to a sheer cliff. They had these chains attached into the rock, and without those chains, holy cow! every other person to go up that trail would be dying!

I didn’t think much of the chains until I looked over my side and saw how sheer of a cliff it was, and then my legs started to get weak and I found myself gripping that chain very tightly! I guess I’m afraid of heights or something. And, as much as I would like to say that I conquered my fear and went ahead…I didn’t. Yeah. We got to the part with the bridge, and then I saw where the trail was REALLY headed, and holy cow! I just kind of stopped there. Man, it made me feel so…terrestial! Like I was falling short or something! But yeah, it was still something of an accomplishment. And I really didn’t have the shoes for it (I was wearing Birkenstocks, with REALLY sandy socks). And it was still very awesome. So I came back and read for an hour or so on the top of the mountain, it was very peaceful and nice. Read some more of that Madeleine L’Engle quotebook.

So then, on the way down, we spontaneously decided to go to Las Vegas and get a hotel there, instead of spending another night under the stars. Also, it would be kind of cool to experience Las Vegas. I thought that it would be interesting–I’ve heard a lot of things about that place and how evil it is, but never actually been there, so it would be a good experience.

We drove down there, had a good time (man, I love road trips!), and pulled in. The hotels there are really cheap! We got ours for maybe $40 or so. And the parking is free as well! But the way these places really make their money is in the Casinos and nightclubs. We went out and spent the night walking around the strip, and holy cow! I really got to see why they call it “sin city!” I won’t go into details (and don’t worry, I observed from a safe distance–and refrained from observing some of the more immoral stuff altogether!), but it was really crazy! Man, when you legalize prostitution, you get all kinds of evil stuff going on! We had so many people offer to take us to these sleazy places, or give us pornographic business cards for whores (little Mexican women were handing out those cards! Holy cow! How much more evil can you get than that?!), or try to talk with us, and man, it was pretty crazy! My friends had this competition going, where they wanted to get as many girls’ phone numbers as they could (girls who were not hookers). It was pretty funny when they tried to walk into a nightclub with their tattered jeans and ripped t-shirts! The doorkeepers would look them up and down and tell them “sorry, you’re not dressed for this place!” They eventually teamed up and succeeded in getting a couple of legit girls’ numbers, and they were pretty dang happy about it! But by then, it was ridiculously late, and we crashed pretty hard at our apartment. It was hard to get up in the morning, but we did it, and had a groggy but quick drive back to Provo.

The highlight of the trip was definitely Zion’s. It was a beautiful day, and a wonderful climb. As we were driving away from there, I was trying to sleep, but all I could see in my mind was the car driving off of one of those cliffs! It took a while to finally get the immediate impression of them out of my mind, but I must say that it was quite awesome, and I’d definitely recommend heading over there! And as for Vegas, it was quite an interesting experience to see that place. Now I know why the stuff that happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. And what was really interesting was that it wasn’t tempting and it wasn’t scary. It was just there, and just wrong. The casinos didn’t really entice me, and all those crazy pictures and skanky people were more jarring than arousing. I’ve already figured out that I don’t want that in my life, so it’s really not an issue at all for me.

One thing really got me riled up, though. My friend Steve told me that he knows of a professor at BYU who did a study on the sex workers in Las Vegas–the ones who work the brothels. He said that 45% of them are Mormon, and that most of those come from dual income households where the wife lost her job–and they both decided together for her to go into the sex industry. HOLY FREAKING COW. Most of those people are probably inactive anyway, but that just boggled my mind. I would amputate my right arm RIGHT THIS VERY MOMENT if it was necessary to keep my future wife from working the sex industry–and I’m sure that once I’m finally married and in a deep relationship with my future wife, I would be willing to sacrifice my life to keep her from going into that line of work! Yikes! THAT got me riled up quite a bit!

So, yeah, sorry there aren’t any pictures here. I have tons, I just don’t know how to post them! If you would like to see them, either bug me or check out my photoblog over the next few days.

rrrrrrRRRRRRR!!!!!!! ALRIGHT I’M GOING!!!!!!!!!

Drek says this blog is boring. He says he doesn’t like reading post after post about how many words I did each day. He says my life as a writer is boring.

I’m going to cry.

But I have a chance to redeem myself. Because my old roommates are completely and totally insane. They decided today to skip the last two days of classes and drive down to Zion’s National Park, just for the heck of it. No plans, no nothing. Just go and do something crazy.

Well, it was a tortuous process, but I finally decided to go with them! So yeah, we leave in like half an hour, and we’re totally going to be trashed when we get back Tuesday afternoon, and my parents are going to think I’m crazy, and I’m going to feel guilty for skipping so many classes, and I won’t be able to write, and I have no idea what I’m doing or what’s going to happen…

But it’s going to be awesome! YEAH!!!

An awesome day!!!

Today was an AWESOME day for the Quark club! We had a ton of really great activities and meetings, and it was really fun!

First, we had a book club meeting at 11…with a special guest! Brandon Sanderson joined us to discuss his book Mistborn! It was a lot of fun to ask him questions and hear about the way he writes his book, as well as to discuss the Mistborn universe and other stuff! I also asked him about coming to a writing meeting, and he sounds up to it! We’ll probably do it in the winter semester. I’d like to hear him come speak with us about submitting and getting published. That’s a really big step that a lot of us haven’t taken yet.

Then, we had a writing meeting right after that. It was also a lot of fun! We had some good turnout, reviewed some good stories, and got off on a ton of fun and interesting tangents (ok, I’m not very good at staying on topic–but at least our tangents had something to do with writing science fiction and fantasy!) On the way out, Danke made the comment “man, every time I come out from these writing meetings, I’m always so energized and ready to go!” It was her first time submitting something to the group, and she was really nervous about it, so it was good that it turned out so well! We had about ten people there, but with four stories and two hours, we aren’t hardly pressed for time at all, which is nice because everyone gets a chance to say what they want and we don’t have to worry about running out of time. We actually finished early, and I think that everyone had a really good time.

Then, in the evening, we had a writing party over at Jakeson’s and Gamila’s! It was WAY fun! Gamila was kind enough to bake cookies for us, and we had a great time just hanging out and working on our stories for two hours. Well, we did occasionally become unfocused, as people would get distracted and talk about other things. But it was way fun! And we DID focus every now and then! At the end of the party, I figured out everyone’s wordcount, and the total collective wordcount came to 7,126! Yeah! I managed to get in 980 words, and I’m slowly but steadily making progress towards the part of the story where I want to be! Yeah!

So, thanks everyone for coming and making today such a fun day!

527 words–I did it!

Yeah! I was tired, and thought that I’d throw in the towel after writing just a couple hundred words, but I kept saying to myself “come on, you can at least stay awake to write fifty more words–come on!” and it worked! I met both goals today, and I feel that the story is progressing very nicely again! A couple thousand pages and I’ll get to the really awesome part where Ian tries to go and rescue the captain–in the middle of the lands of the ancients! I have some good ideas for what to have happen in the next chapter! I’m excited!

I’ve also been reading more of that L’Engle quote book, and it’s really good! I plan on dedicating at least a post to it. She really treats writing as an art, and a spiritual one at that. It’s very different from what I’m used to hearing nowadays from all of the writing and publishing podcasts that I listen to (I’ll have to do a post on that as well–sheesh, this blog might require as much or more writing than my actual stories!). I’ve never heard of someone making so many connections between writing and spirituality. It’s very compelling to me, actually. I’m very interested in finishing reading this book.

Also, my friend Steve told me today that he needs to write more often. He is a film major, and he’s written a few screenplays and won a few contests, but he usually gets pretty distracted when he goes to sit down and write. He wants to write every night. That works out really well, actually, because I don’t like writing in my apartment (too much noise), so I like to come over to his place to write! And, er, there are just as many distractions there, but at least I can find a quiet place to sit down (it’s where I am now, actually). So, I will be helping him out and we should be hanging out more often to write together! Good times!

And I’ve got to publish this before my battery dies! So here you go!

not too much

Tonight, it was late, and believe it or not I actually do value my sleep (not as much as other things, but I do value it nonetheless), so I didn’t write anything original today. Instead, I went back about ten or fifteen pages back and did some light revision while reminding myself what’s going on so far.

It was actually quite good! Helped to renew some excitement for me in the story, which was nice. Good motivation for writing tomorrow. And, day after tomorrow, there is a writing party over at Jakeson’s and Gamila’s (who actually live on the same block as me, I found)! I am definitely looking forward to getting WAY ahead during that night!

Man, I suppose I’m either a wimp or just really busy with other things to only be doing 500 pages a day, and some days less than that! I hope I can learn to balance writing with my career (not to mention career and writing with family!). As it is, I can’t hardly balance anything. Not the important things, anyways. Temple, scriptures, friends, homework, tests, papers, readings, reading for recreation, vs. all the stupid things that can waste one’s time…shoot man! It’s a hard, difficult battle!

And I really hope that writing is more than just a “good thing” on that list. I really do. If it’s just a “good thing,” then it means that I should cut it out of my life, because there are already so many “good things” that I could be doing that I don’t have time to do them all! It would be a matter of cutting them to allow time for the “great things” and the “best things.”

But then again, I think it’s quite likely that writing fiction IS something more than a “good thing.” I’m reading this collection of quotes from Madeline L’Engle, the fantastic writer of children’s literature who wrote A Wrinkle In Time, the book that (believe it or not) hooked me onto Science Fiction and becoming a writer. In this book, L’Engle talks about writing as something holy and sacred, about serving the story, and about how art and creative writing is a profoundly important and spiritual thing. It’s quite interesting, because it’s very different from my current view of writing (which is basically “I want to write because it’s cool and there’s something compelling me to do it that I don’t understand”). Very thought provoking, actually. I really want to understand where she’s coming from and see it for myself. It could really change the way that I approach all of this, in a very positive way. I’ll have to blog about it once I’ve read the book.

And you know, this might be me going out on a limb, but if writing really is a way that I could profoundly shape the world for good (or the life of an individual, which really is the same thing ultimately) then it would make sense that Satan would want to put doubts into my mind about my writing and my stories and the possibility of getting published and all of those other problems. If it has the potential to be that good on a spiritual level, then it makes sense that there would be so much opposition. In which case the answer, of course, really is faith–stepping out into the unknown, trusting in something greater than yourself to show you the way and lend power to your writing that you yourself could not have put into it. I believe quite firmly that all of this is possible–I just need to make the leap. I’m still trying to control my own writing too much, and not focusing on the ultimate potential that lies beyond my limitations. If it is true that there is a place for spiritual significance in writing, then I need to make space for God and enter with Him in a partnership to do this.

I honestly don’t know. Until I sat down to write this, I didn’t know that I had these doubts–indeed, maybe they didn’t enter into me until I started to write this. And I honestly don’t know what I’m saying or where I’m going with all this spiritual stuff. It’s something I still need to think about. But it really does seem like it’s something worth pondering and contemplating. I feel that it has the power to profoundly and fundamentally change my approach to creative writing in general. For that reason alone, it is worth focusing a fair measure of my attention. I will definitely be doing this, because I have a lot of questions.

About 500 words and some frustrations

Man, I wrote about five hundred new words today, but I’m really dissatisfied with them. I wrote them late at night / early in the morning, so they aren’t all that coherent. Towards the end, I was practically asleep hitting random keys. My brain is like an old machine right now that you have to hit a couple of times to keep it running. It’s no good!

It seems that the only time I have for writing is late at night, when my writing sucks because I’m incoherent. Of course, if I were to get more homework done each night, I’d have that time between classes to write. That’s worked out really well when I’ve done it. I’ll have to arrange things so I can keep doing that.

Also, I’m kind of frustrated that I’m writing this novel in 500 word chunks. Sometimes, it seems that I lose sight of what’s been going on in the past 15 or so pages, and so when I sit down to write it’s like shooting from the him. If I read a little of the story first, it can help. But then, I really hate it how each time I write, I’m not sitting down to write out a scene, I’m sitting down to pop out a certain number of words. It’s like these scenes just don’t end! And they’re probably not that good because the way I’m writing them is too…chunky. I don’t know. I suppose I can go back and smooth them out (and that’s basically what I”ve been doing), but in the meantime, it’s like I don’t know what I’m doing. Adn =I’m getting very tired around now. Tiem to go to bed………………………………………