Saw this in my recommends and found it fascinating. I’m currently happily married and not on the dating market at all, but I’ve got friends and family who are, so I like to keep an eye on it. And from some of the black-pilled manosphere content makes me feel like I got out on the last AC-130 out of Kabul, getting married just before the coronapocalypse. So it was good to see something a lot more reasonable and nuanced.
A more accurate picture of the dating market
Tis a nightmare out there, I feel for those seeking love in this market.
Lemme tell you, the pool of men around my age (early 30s) who are active LDS is relatively large, but based on those who attend my 25-35-year-old Institute class, they are highly skewed toward the socially awkward. And look, it’s not a crime to be socially awkward, but it’s so hard to get excited about a date with someone who makes you internally cringe during your entire encounter. Or the ones who plant their own red flags (who actually tells a woman on the first date that they suffer from anger issues? Points for honesty, I guess).
Sure, the problem may very well be me, as I’m introverted and take a while to warm up to strangers. However, dating in general as a mechanism for finding a spouse seems to be fundamentally broken. It worked for a good hundred years, but the social skills that undergird society have broken down over the last decade, and it feels like no one plays by the same playbook anymore. Expectations for a first date are too high – or too low; everyone’s gotten way too comfortable with cancelling plans at the last minute, or ghosting; there’s no agreed-upon etiquette for dates anymore, so every gesture or conversational gambit feels like a potential minefield. It’s exhausting!
Also, I live at home with my aging parents, who have serious health issues. I am straight up too tired and emotionally drained right now to worry about dating, even though I desperately desire a husband and children of my own.
Sorry for complaining. I genuinely am happy when I see other people find a good spouse! Dating just seems like a Sisyphean task right now, for many people, for many reasons.
I hear you, E.C. That’s pretty crazy. I bounced around a couple of mid-singles wards for about 5 years before I got married, so I know what it’s like. Everyone’s got a story, some of them crazier than others. My wife and I both got married over 30, though, so it is still possible. She was just starting to resign herself to a life being single and childless, but now we’re happily married with three beautiful kids.