{"id":21611,"date":"2025-07-08T10:00:00","date_gmt":"2025-07-08T16:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.onelowerlight.com\/writing\/?p=21611"},"modified":"2025-07-18T13:37:39","modified_gmt":"2025-07-18T19:37:39","slug":"fantasy-from-a-to-z-l-is-for-love","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.onelowerlight.com\/writing\/fantasy-from-a-to-z-l-is-for-love\/","title":{"rendered":"Fantasy from A to Z: L is for Love"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>What is love? (Baby don\u2019t hurt me\u2026)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Seriously, though, what counts as \u201clove\u201d in fantasy these days? The romantasy subgenre is taking the field by storm, but much of it seems to be outright pornography, at least to me. Back when <em>Twilight<\/em> was all the rage, I at least understood the romantic angle, even if I didn\u2019t particularly care for it. But now, there\u2019s all this stuff about mate-bonding, consent\/non-consent, something called \u201cthe omega-verse,\u201d and a weird hierarchy of various forms of bestiality that I frankly cannot follow at all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<span class=\"embed-youtube\" style=\"text-align:center; display: block;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" class=\"youtube-player\" width=\"750\" height=\"422\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/q1fPn9D1n84?version=3&#038;rel=1&#038;showsearch=0&#038;showinfo=1&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;fs=1&#038;hl=en-US&#038;autohide=2&#038;wmode=transparent\" allowfullscreen=\"true\" style=\"border:0;\" sandbox=\"allow-scripts allow-same-origin allow-popups allow-presentation allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox\"><\/iframe><\/span>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>I should take a few steps back, and perhaps abandon romantasy altogether. I\u2019m sure there are plenty of non-pornographic books in that subgenre\u2014in fact, I\u2019m fairly certain that one of my old college friends, Charlie Holmberg, was a pioneer in it. Everything of hers that I\u2019ve read is pretty good, and also quite understandable, even to a dopey guy like me.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Outside of romantasy (and paranormal romance, which it appears that romantasy has more or less cannibalized), the love stories are pretty straightforward. Epic fantasy in particular tends to have at least a couple of romantic subplots in every book\u2014which makes sense, considering how expansive the subgenre is trying to be. After all, if you\u2019re writing a story where the world itself is a major character, you\u2019ve got to have at least a few good love stories in there too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But as the internet has continued to spawn narrower and narrower niches and subcultures, all existing in their own little subcultures, things on the extremes have gotten\u2026 weird. And as the gender divide appears to be widening with each subsequent generation, especially in areas like politics and culture, it\u2019s beginning to seem like we aren\u2019t even speaking the same language, even when it comes to something as basic and essential as love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<span class=\"embed-youtube\" style=\"text-align:center; display: block;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" class=\"youtube-player\" width=\"750\" height=\"422\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/IXpMMgMHKD0?version=3&#038;rel=1&#038;showsearch=0&#038;showinfo=1&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;fs=1&#038;hl=en-US&#038;autohide=2&#038;wmode=transparent\" allowfullscreen=\"true\" style=\"border:0;\" sandbox=\"allow-scripts allow-same-origin allow-popups allow-presentation allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox\"><\/iframe><\/span>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>Now, male-coded romances are pretty easy to understand (though I could be biased\u2026 I am a man, after all). It starts with a boy who really wants a girl. Like, really, really, really wants a girl. He likes her so much, he spends the whole book trying to get her\u2014and by the end, he either wins her, or he realizes that he doesn\u2019t actually want her, he wants this other girl he met along the way. If things get spicy, it\u2019s all very straightforward and everyone generally has a good time. If there are issues with rape or non-consent, those are generally separate from the romantic subplot<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And often, male-coded romances don\u2019t even include much spicy content at all. Even Robert E. Howard\u2019s original Conan the Barbarian stories were pretty mild, in terms of spiciness. Yes, there was usually a scantily-clad female love interest, described in such a way as to increase Howard\u2019s chances of getting his story featured on the magazine cover (and thus earning double the pay). But when it came to the actual, you know, kissing and stuff, Howard never went into graphic detail. The most he would do was hide behind euphemisms like \u201che crushed her in his arms.\u201d All of the ejaculations in his stories were saidisms\u2014as in, \u201clook out!\u201d he ejaculated, waving his hands wildly (and you would be shocked how often he used \u201cejaculated\u201d as a saidism\u2014seriously, I think there\u2019s at least one in every classic Conan story).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Side note: just because Robert E. Howard\u2019s Conan stories were pretty mild on the spiciness scale, that does not mean that subsequent authors kept it mild. Lin Carter and L. Sprague de Camp tended to keep it more in the vein of the original, but Robert Jordan\u2019s Conan was\u2026 let\u2019s just say, it was too much for me.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<span class=\"embed-youtube\" style=\"text-align:center; display: block;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" class=\"youtube-player\" width=\"750\" height=\"422\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/ejklu1OvWFs?version=3&#038;rel=1&#038;showsearch=0&#038;showinfo=1&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;fs=1&#038;hl=en-US&#038;autohide=2&#038;wmode=transparent\" allowfullscreen=\"true\" style=\"border:0;\" sandbox=\"allow-scripts allow-same-origin allow-popups allow-presentation allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox\"><\/iframe><\/span>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>And it used to be that female-coded romances were pretty simple, too. An ordinary, boring girl somehow finds herself the object of attraction between two incredibly powerful (and incredibly sexy) men from the other side of fairy, who are positively obsessed with her. However will she choose between them both? Oh, look\u2014now they\u2019re fighting each other to determine which one gets her. Stop fighting, you sexy fairy men! But seriously, however will she choose?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Somewhere along the line, that morphed into a thing called \u201creverse-harem,\u201d which (as I understand it) is where the girl throws up her hands and decides that she can\u2019t possibly choose between them, so she chooses them all. Which meant, of course, that the love triangles quickly turned into love dodecahedrons\u2014since if you\u2019re going to have a harem, you might as well fill it up with as many sexy fair men as you can.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<span class=\"embed-youtube\" style=\"text-align:center; display: block;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" class=\"youtube-player\" width=\"750\" height=\"422\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/Qe1lyogOePs?version=3&#038;rel=1&#038;showsearch=0&#038;showinfo=1&#038;iv_load_policy=1&#038;fs=1&#038;hl=en-US&#038;autohide=2&#038;wmode=transparent\" allowfullscreen=\"true\" style=\"border:0;\" sandbox=\"allow-scripts allow-same-origin allow-popups allow-presentation allow-popups-to-escape-sandbox\"><\/iframe><\/span>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>And then somehow, things got <em>really<\/em> weird\u2014and also, really toxic. According to Malcolm and Simone Collins (who know more about this subject than I do), some of the more toxic behaviors that romantasy normalizes include:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Fated or \u201cmate-bond\u201d relationships that override consent,<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Extreme male possessiveness portrayed as genuine love,<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Drugging and public humiliation portrayed as romantic tension,<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Huge age and maturity gaps between partners,<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Serial betrayal framed as female empowerment and playing hard-to-get,<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Intentional miscommunication, with heroines refusing to talk through their problems\u2014again, often framed as female empowerment,<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Violence rebranded as safety, since the love interest will never <em>really<\/em> hurt the heroine,&nbsp;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Wish-fulfilment with serial partners, often framed as a justification for serial betrayal mentioned above, and<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Lazy trope stacking (eg \u201crich-fey-boyfriend,\u201d scent\/marking, etc) without confronting the darker implications of coercive and non-consenting relationships.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Sadly, it seems that all of these toxic aspects of romantasy are reflections of the current state of modern dating and relationships. For example, in a world of online dating where ghosting and fading is all-too common, serial betrayal is a bit of a power fantasy, as is wish-fulfillment with serial partners, since if \u201ctrue love\u201d doesn\u2019t work out, there\u2019s always another one just a swipe away. Similarly, because women who have taken multiple sexual partners find it difficult to pair-bond with any of the later ones, the concept of \u201cmate-bonding\u201d may have arisen as a way to recapture that lost sense of bonding that comes with the \u201cfirst time.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Call me old fashioned or out of touch, but I preferred it when things were simpler, and the traditional boundaries around sex and relationships were still very much in force. There\u2019s something charming about the love stories that were written before birth control and the sexual revolution, where men had to woo their women and get them to say \u201cI do\u201d before any of the bedroom gymnastics became a factor. Of course, I\u2019m totally biased, because my wife and I both have a \u201cbody count\u201d of exactly one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I think romantic love is one of the greatest things in the world. I think that sex is also a wonderful and a beautiful thing, especially when it is used to fulfill its primary purpose: to facilitate lifelong pair-bonding between a man and a woman. In my experience, this is an even more important purpose of sex than procreation, though of course that is a very important (and very fulfilling) secondary purpose.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I don\u2019t read or write romantasy, so you won\u2019t find any of those tropes in my books. You will find a lot of romantic love, though, especially in my sea mage cycle books. <em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.onelowerlight.com\/writing\/books\/rescuers-reward\/\" data-type=\"mbt_book\" data-id=\"18819\">Rescuer\u2019s Reward<\/a><\/em> is probably the closest thing I\u2019ve written to a straight up romance, at least in the fantasy genre. <em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.onelowerlight.com\/writing\/books\/the-widows-child\/\" data-type=\"mbt_book\" data-id=\"18820\">The Widow\u2019s Child<\/a><\/em> also has a strong romantic subplot, though it goes a little further than fade-to-black. And of course, the Soulbond King books are going to have a lot of romance, since the magic system requires a man and a woman to become bonded in love in order to unlock their unique magical powers. Those books are going to be a lot of fun to write.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-buttons is-layout-flex wp-block-buttons-is-layout-flex\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-button\"><a class=\"wp-block-button__link wp-element-button\" href=\"https:\/\/www.onelowerlight.com\/writing\/fantasy-from-a-to-z\/\">Fantasy from A to Z: All Posts<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What is love? (Baby don\u2019t hurt me\u2026) Seriously, though, what counts as \u201clove\u201d in fantasy these days? The romantasy subgenre is taking the field by storm, but much of it seems to be outright pornography, at least to me. Back when Twilight was all the rage, I at least understood the romantic angle, even if&hellip; <a class=\"more-link\" href=\"https:\/\/www.onelowerlight.com\/writing\/fantasy-from-a-to-z-l-is-for-love\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Fantasy from A to Z: L is for Love<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1911,1806,1830,1916],"tags":[1857,1913,758,1882,1915,1690,1914,160,1887,257,408,190],"class_list":["post-21611","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-rescuers-reward","category-sea-mage-cycle","category-the-soulbound-king","category-the-widows-child","tag-fantasy-from-a-to-z","tag-gender-divide","tag-gender-roles","tag-malcolm-simone-collins","tag-reverse-harem","tag-robert-e-howard","tag-robert-jordan","tag-romance","tag-romantasy","tag-sex","tag-sexual-tension","tag-women","entry"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p7iXK-5Cz","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onelowerlight.com\/writing\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21611","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onelowerlight.com\/writing\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onelowerlight.com\/writing\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onelowerlight.com\/writing\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onelowerlight.com\/writing\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=21611"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.onelowerlight.com\/writing\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21611\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":21775,"href":"https:\/\/www.onelowerlight.com\/writing\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/21611\/revisions\/21775"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.onelowerlight.com\/writing\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=21611"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onelowerlight.com\/writing\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=21611"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.onelowerlight.com\/writing\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=21611"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}