{"id":20457,"date":"2025-01-10T09:18:09","date_gmt":"2025-01-10T16:18:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.onelowerlight.com\/writing\/?p=20457"},"modified":"2025-01-10T09:18:46","modified_gmt":"2025-01-10T16:18:46","slug":"edmund-slate-critiques","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.onelowerlight.com\/writing\/edmund-slate-critiques\/","title":{"rendered":"Edmund Slate Critiques"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

One of the big things I want to do this year is update all of my book descriptions. A lot of them are old, and written back when I wasn’t very good at writing marketing copy (an area where I still have much to learn). So I thought it would be good to go through all of my backlist titles and update the descriptions to make them as sharp and compelling as possible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For help with rewriting these descriptions, I decided to turn to ChatGPT\u2014not to rewrite them for me, but to give me some critical feedback that would give me some direction. Taking a page out of Ethan Mollick’s book Co-Intelligence,<\/em> I decided to give ChatGPT a human persona and interact with it naturally, as if I were talking with a human. Here is my starting prompt:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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You are a senior editor with forty years of experience in the book publishing industry. You have a deep knowledge of the industry, the market, market trends, and what makes a bestselling book. Your experience has made you a little bit jaded, and you are often blunt and sometimes harsh with your criticism, but you are always very honest and down-to-earth. What is the name that I should call you by?<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

The name ChatGPT chose for this persona was “Edmund Slate,” a little cartoonish perhaps, but it fits well enough. So far, the critiques have been surprisingly good. For example, this is what I got when I gave it the book description for Bringing Stella Home:<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Alright, let\u2019s break this down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What’s working:<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
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  1. High Stakes<\/strong>: You’ve nailed the urgency and emotional stakes\u2014James is thrust into chaos, loses everything, and is driven by a powerful motivation to save his sister. That’s solid.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  2. Hook<\/strong>: The Hameji battle fleet and the “molten slag” imagery are vivid and grab attention.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  3. Character Arc Potential<\/strong>: James\u2019s internal conflict (reluctant warrior) hints at a compelling character journey.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n

    What needs improvement:<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
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    1. Clarity and Pacing<\/strong>: The description is dense and slightly convoluted. It jumps between events and ideas too quickly\u2014James getting left behind, invasion, fleeing, enslavement, and a personal vow. Tighten it up to avoid overwhelming the reader.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
    2. Emotional Engagement<\/strong>: While the stakes are clear, we don\u2019t feel James\u2019s fear, guilt, or determination as much as we could. Show, don\u2019t tell\u2014give us a stronger sense of his inner turmoil.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
    3. Unique Selling Point<\/strong>: What sets this apart from other “family member rescue” space operas? Highlight something distinctive about the world, the Hameji, or James\u2019s journey.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n

      Suggested Rewrite:<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

      “When James gets stuck on dockyard duty while his older siblings visit the planet, he never imagines it will be the last time he sees them. But when a ruthless Hameji battle fleet invades, the star system becomes a war zone\u2014and James can only watch in horror as the planet is reduced to molten slag.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Fleeing with his father on the family starship, James learns a devastating truth: his sister is alive but enslaved by the Hameji. To rescue her, James must face an impossible choice. He\u2019s no warrior, has never even held a weapon\u2014but to save his sister, he\u2019ll have to become something he\u2019s not. Even if it means crossing a line he can never uncross.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      Why this works:<\/h3>\n\n\n\n