On Writing – Page 12 – One Thousand And One Parsecs

500 words EXACTLY

And I did it all in about half an hour before running off to an Arabic speaking appointment. But that’s not the half of it.

I’ve been feeling these past few weeks that the plot in my story has been advancing very slowly. I’ve only written maybe 5,000 words in that time, but it seems like everything has been dragging on really slowly. I haven’t really been bringing in any new ideas to move the story much.

But now, in the scene I’m working in, I decided to start moving on. At first, I had no idea what this scene would be like. But then, I just grabbed at something that made sense and ran with it, and other ideas came from that idea for a scene. And then, more ideas, from that as well.

Then, as I was working on the dialogue in this scene, I started getting really excited about it because the stuff they were speaking about was actually surprising me, and giving me even more ideas for how the story could go! If I didn’t have a writing appointment right then, I probably would have written for another hour or so, just to run with it! It was pretty cool!

So, yeah, you could say that I’m still at that stage where I’m always coming up with cool new ideas for the story. In fact, I really don’t have that much of an outline–just a general idea of what I want to happen up to about the midway point (maybe a little bit after), and then this vague nebulous idea of the huge twist that happens around then. I have a good idea of the world where this all happens, and a general pattern for each character, but not too much more than that. The result is that this story surprises me even when I’m in the very act of writing it. And then I come up with cool ideas, and it gets even more exciting, and I just have a very fun time with the whole thing in general.

I suppose, though, that I shouldn’t just run with every idea that pops into my head first. I need to think about it (and, what with so may interruptions from writing, I definitely have enough time to do that). The other thing is that I need to keep a good idea of what is going on in the story globally. If all the stuff that’s happened in the last 20 pages from where I left off isn’t present in my mind, there is going to be a disconnect. I don’t want to be so focused on one particular page that I lose the sense of what it’s like to read the story as a whole.

Other than that…am I missing anything? I’m just an amateur at this, and though this isn’t my first novel attempt, if I’m successful it will be the first one that I finish. Any suggestions that will save me headaches, trouble, and my personal sense of self worth in the future?

Thank God for Political Science!

Man, I am SO happy that I’m a Political Science major! I can’t say it enough! I will NEVER have to worry about looking back and saying “man, why didn’t I major in Political Science?” That right there is a mightily compelling reason! But there are a lot more reasons as well! A LOT. For one, the stuff that I’m studying here for Political Science is REALLY giving me a lot of good ideas for writing fiction! Man, the Middle East is such a complicated area of the world, with so many conflicts and such diverse cultures, religions, and ethnicities…there is no shortage of questions to ask and stuff to explore! And Science Fiction (and fiction in general) is one very valid and interesting way to explore it! I mean, take any aspect of the Middle East, and say “what if we do this to it?” Put it in a sci fi setting, and you’ve got the potential for an amazing story! Or take the problems that we’re struggling with in the region, isolate them, and write a fictional world where the characters struggle with those same problems. Add in some imaginative stuff, some awesome technology, compelling, well-written characters, and all that, and you’ve got something EXTREMELY relevant to the real world! Even more so because it’s fiction, because if it’s written well, you’ve put it in a setting where people can look at the problem without being so burdened by their silly and irrational prejudices! But besides that, just from studying something like Political Science, I’ve tapped into an AMAZING source of ideas and inspiration for my own writing! Even if I just wanted to write fiction for the sake of writing fiction (and honestly, I really think that almost any other approach is going to backfire–ESPECIALLY the dogmatic approach), by studying Political Science, I’ve opened a fountain of ideas in embryo that are just screaming to be born! MAN! I am SO happy that God put me in a place where I could study Political Science!!!

There was an amazing lecture today at the BYU Kennedy Center. Reza Aslan, author of No God But God, gave an excellent lecture on Iran and US-Iranian relations. Just in case you don’t know, relations between us and them are…well, let’s just say that they’re pretty freaking bad.

Please, PLEASE, PLEASE pray that we don’t start bombing them! Just when you thought the US couldn’t shoot itself in the foot any more (because the freaking Neocons have been doing a @#$@! good job of that since Sept 11th–either they’re EXTREMELY stupid, or, for all intents and purposes, they are traitors to this incredibly wonderful country we call the USA), Dick Cheney and his neocon goonies start sounding the war drums. Right now, just about every missile in the Middle East (and we have troops in EVERY COUNTRY bordering Iran) is pointed at some target inside the sovereign Islamic Republic of Iran. Not good…definitely not good!

But I learned a little bit today WHY it’s not good…and the reason was very surprising! If we launch airstrikes against Iran (and we almost certainly won’t do a ground invasion–not because the Neocons aren’t stupid enough to make that blunder, but because our military simply doesn’t have the capability to do it!), it will play right into the hands of the extremists and tyrannous clerics who rule (under, may I add, upwards of a 90% popular disapproval rating)! In fact, according to Mr. Aslan, EVERYTHING we have done in that region FOR THE LAST THIRTY YEARS HAS PLAYED INTO THE HANDS OF OUR ENEMIES!!! It’s been an unrelenting disaster! Reza Aslan made a very compelling argument that if we were to end sanctions, recant regime change as the stated policy of the United States, and do everything to open up that country to the rest of the world (“we should be prying it open with a crowbar,” he said), the horrible, cruel, autocratic clerics wouldn’t have a leg to stand on! It would be like China–you look at it now, and it is DEFINITELY not a communist country! I mean, in name it is, and it’s not yet a democracy, but it’s a far cry from what we saw under Chairman Mao–that spawn of Satan himself!

And the big difference is that Iran ALREADY HAS almost everything a liberal democracy needs! It has a thriving civil society, with all kinds of NGO’s, Foundations, Institutions, etc, it has a rising middle class, it has a constitution with legislative, judicial, and executive branches, it has regular elections…it’s just that all that power rests with a handful of tyrannical clerics! And the only way that tyrants stay in power (according to Mr. Aslan) is by isolating their people! Man, if we would just OPEN UP to that country–I mean, if they weren’t so scared of us, it would be a LOT harder for Ahmedinejad and his cronies to get people to support the Iranian nuclear program! I mean, the average Iranian cares a lot more about the economy than their nation’s foreign policy! That’s the only reason they elected Ahmedinejad in the first place–and the reason why he’s so unpopular back home right now! Everything we’ve been doing in the history of our dealings with the Islamic Republic of Iran has either helped our enemies or hurt our own interests, and it’s HIGH TIME we had some change!

</political rant>

Ok, I’d better calm down (note to self–breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out). But MAN! You see why I’m so happy that I’m a Poli Sci major! And the cool thing is that this stuff really has some potential for some good stories! I mean, just about every time I learn something new about the Middle East, I think to myself “Oooh, that would be really awesome to put into the story I’m writing!” It’s gotten to the point where there’s just too much stuff to cram into one novel! Fortunately, I can write others. But man!

I mean, I felt like my eyes were totally opened today! Up until this point, I’ve seen Iran as this scary, totalitarian nation led by a crazy, maniacal leader, bent on the destruction of all that is good and holy in the world. Even when I’m rational enough to realize that that’s probably not all true, the idea has been lurking in the back of my paradigm. But this lecture painted the picture of a completely different country! A civilized, rational, highly cultural, and essentially peaceful people who are working, despite the interference of the United States, to free themselves from the rule of a few bad men! Man, this lecture made me want to study Farsi and travel to Iran, for heaven’s sakes! I might just do it! I just might!

At the very least, I’m going to read this guy’s book and subscribe to just about every raw news RSS feed that I can (AP, NPR, Reuters, Al-Jazeera, Agence-France, etc–basically, the ones that Drudge links to) so that I can have a heads up on what’s REALLY going on in this wonderful world! I mean, I just learned from Mr. Aslan that representatives from EVERY MUSLIM SECT got together a few months ago to sign a document calling on the Christian world to help improve relations and fight extremist fundamentalism in both religions! I mean, imagine the press we’d be hearing if all of the Christians sects did something like that! It’s unprecedented! I don’t even think it would even happen! And yet…where was that in the mainstream media? Buried somewhere. Time to start digging it up.

Man, I am SO GLAD that I’m a Political Science major!!!

I really hope I get into this class!!! (and other thoughts on Brandon Sanderson)

MAN!!!!!!! Today was the first priority date to sign up for classes, and every slot except for one filled up in English 318 section 3 (the one taught by Brandon Sanderson)!!!! MAN!!!!! I SO want to get this class!!!!!! My sister told me she’d try to hold it for me, but last I heard she had a hold on her account…and so did two other senior friends that I asked! Well, if I fail to make the date, I suppose I can try the add-drop card approach. And I’ve already emailed him (not just a fan email–I asked him if it would be alright if I worked on this novel in his class). Many of my friends in the writing group have taken his class, some multiple times, so I suppose that it’s possible…I don’t know. I’m stressing over it.

I’ve heard Sanderson interviewed on a couple of writing podcasts that I listen to. The most notable one, IMO, was Adventures in Sci Fi publishing. Apparently, he’s been doing a book tour out here in the West with Dave Wolverton (maybe that’s why he hasn’t responded to my email 🙂 )

He said a couple of interesting things on the podcast. The first thing was really frightening, actually (I forget if it was him or Dave Wolverton). One of the two of them said that the major publishers are so paranoid that they’re rejecting new authors who even have the support of big name reviewers. Apparently, a publisher in NY turned down a new sci fi novelist who had his draft reviewed by one of the big name book reviewers over there, as well as having other credentials. Ouch. As an amateur writer who only has vague, nebulous dreams about getting published…this is really scary. And, even though I’ve attempted to write a novel like five or six times, I have yet to succeed in even finishing a rough draft. So…I’ve got a lot of road ahead of me. And I have no idea how long it will take–decades, maybe. Yikes!

The other thing was about him and science fiction. Someone on the podcast asked him if he planned on writing science fiction, and he said that he just wasn’t well versed enough to participate in the conversation. That’s really interesting that he called it a “conversation.” Coming from one of the social sciences, it really struck a chord in me. Academia is like a conversation, and the important thing isn’t about being right so much as it is being relevant. You need to do a lit review and know what the debate is like, what the sides are on the issues–otherwise, either you’ll waste your time with research that’s already been done, or you’ll end up answering a question that nobody is asking.

So, what I took from that, is that I really need to read more sci fi, if I want to write it! Man, as if classes weren’t enough…but this is something I love, so it shouldn’t be hard. Maybe I should set some kind of goal, like one novel per month? I have no idea. But yeah, I want to write something that’s worthwhile, and possibly get it published eventually. Like, if I can…

UPDATE: ok, so in the time that it’s taken to write all of this (interspersed with interruptions, like driving my friends down to a disgustingly huge Halloween party at the Hollywood house and hanging out with some of my other friends), I just heard from my sister Kate! She was able to hold the class for me!!!!! YAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’M IN!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I thought this was supposed to be fun…

Well, it is. At least, the net effect is fun. But the day to day writing can be kind of…difficult.

I’ve made some progress in the last few days, even though I neglected to write about it here. Mostly, it’s just been between classes or insanely late at night, so I haven’t had time to write any blog entries. But I’ll write a quick one tonight.

In the last section that I wrote, I introduced this new character who believes that Ian is some kind of a holy figure and decides to become his disciple. The feedback I got from the writing group was that the way I introduced Master Elijah from his own POV was very good, so I decided to do basically the same thing. That is, from a limited 3rd person point of view, give a very brief summary of the character and any aspects of his life story that tie directly into what is actually going on in the action. The result is a short synopsis of the character’s life that transitions nicely into the action in the particular section, without feeling too info-dumpish.

I tried to do the same thing here, and threw in a couple of ideas about cleavages and tribal friction that we’ve been learning in my Political Systems of the Middle East class. I want to take a lot of the ideas of stuff that we’re learning in that class and apply it to this fictional society. I don’t want the culture to exactly parallel Arab culture, but to take enough aspects from it that it gets the same flavor. Besides, it’s kind of a fun testing ground for experimenting with the ideas that we’re learning in class. And it’s an excellent class, btw. I’d highly recommend it, if you’re interested at all in the modern Middle East. PLSC 357 with Dr. Bowen.

However, I was very disappointed with how this section turned out. I wrote it in about three chunks over three days, but each time that I sat down to write, I was doing it more to reach the 500 words a day goal than because I felt inspired to do it. Basically, I sat down and forced myself to write. And…it wasn’t as fun as it usually is. The words didn’t flow. I was falling asleep at the computer in the LRC. Things didn’t seem to be meshing together properly. It was WAY too info-dumpish, and I had to make up a lot of the information there on the spot, which made it even more difficult because I had to force myself to start coming up with new ideas. It hurt a bit, but I came up with a few good ones. Hopefully I can develop them more and better a little bit later.

Now, I suppose that you can’t just expect writing to be fun all of the time. It does take work, which can in some ways be unpleasant. And it’s not practical to just wait to feel inspired all of the time. At the same time, you really do have to enjoy what you do, and you can’t force inspiration. Ideas will come and hit you at times when you aren’t expecting them, and you have to be ready to take them and fit them into a framework, otherwise they just slip through your fingers.

So, I suppose that good writing is some kind of a balance between hard work and pure inspiration. And the direction my story is taking me at this time is hard work.

And I’m willing to go that way–so long as it makes sense to do that. Tonight, for example, it’s freaking late and I need to get some sleep, so I probably won’t write in my novel tonight. It just doesn’t make much sense to me to trudge through the required wordcount and come up with some barely cohesive prose and crappy story elements. It makes much more sense to me to work myself up to being excited about the next part, and then writing 1,000 words of good prose and good story tomorrow.

Of course, the balance to this is that if I keep putting off writing, the ideas that I have will die. So, I really can’t just do this all the time. Sometimes, you’ve just got to trudge through it. But…I don’t know. I just hope I can keep this story going strong until it finishes.

(btw, this dilemma is why I chose as a teenager that I would not become a professional writer. I knew enough to know that if writing became my main source of income, I wouldn’t enjoy it anymore. At the same time…I can’t just expect to reap the fruits when I didn’t nourish the seeds. So…I don’t know.)

AUGH!!!!!!!!!

Shoot! Today was a crazy day! I feel almost like it was a waste! The last couple of days, I was thinking about how great it would be once the weekend comes, how I’d have tons of free time to write in my novel, and how many thousands of words I would write, how awesome it would be. But now, it’s the end of the day, and I haven’t even written anything at all!

It’s weird. I think that it’s a tendency that we all have–procrastination. Some people have it worse than others. I’m extremely horrible at it. I read on a photoblog I read that we spend about five years in our lifetimes just waiting for buses, subways, cars, doctors appointments, etc. If you could add up all the time I’ve spent in procrastination, it would probably add up to five already! The weird thing is…this is something I actually enjoy doing. Why procrastinate THAT??

It reminds me of a priesthood lesson we had once in church last semester. This guest speaker came to speak with us on the difficult subjects, like chastity, pornography, etc. He started out by discussing a conversation he had with a neurologist once, about how we are hardwired, through our brain, to try and get a maximum output with a minimum input. Basically, the idea is that we are naturally disinclined to do the productive, creative things that require effort, and naturally inclined to waste time on mindless activities that give us basic, low-level pleasure. It might be a LOT more satisfying to do something creative, but that requires so much effort to do that we have a natural impulse to avoid doing it–and to waste time instead on video games, tv, staring at the wall, and other stupid stuff.

The other weird thing is that even though I did almost all of my homework yesterday, I spent the whole day today stressed out about that tiny little bit that I hadn’t yet done. It was very, very weird. I did about three or four hours of homework yesterday, and had only about an hour (half an hour of focused effort, but I never focus) left. I KNEW that I had a significantly lesser load of homework, and yet, despite that fact, I still felt weighed down in the back of my mind! All day! AUGH!!!

So, I guess I’ve learned two things from this experience: the urge to procrastinate is not confined to unpleasant tasks, and that no matter how much or how little work you put off, it will still weigh on the back of your mind.

Freak!

Well, there is some good news though. I have NO homework that I need to do tomorrow! (except blog in Arabic, but that’s fun and isn’t strictly necessary for my Arabic homework anyways) I am FREE! What’s more, the day is almost totally open! At least, as far as Sundays are open (and believe it or not, Sundays are actually fairly busy for us students). What’s more, it’s not all that late right now! I’m going to go to bed before 2:00, which means that I’ll be able to wake up in the morning and actually be awake! I’ll actually get sufficient sleep! So, tomorrow is looking good. Even though I didn’t write today, I will spend lots of time writing tomorrow, inshallah.

I feel an emotional roller coaster about to begin…

You know, I used to get really freaking emotional about my writing. I’d post these notes up all over my room, some of them philosophical, others just giving myself general encouragement, and I’d read, revise, analyze, reanalyze, tear apart, and thrash my own writing. And then I’d get so emotionally wrapped up in it that when I got to about 120 pages I’d decide that the whole thing was crap, take down all the notes, put away the story, and just leave it all behind me. Totally cut it out of my life. And then I’d be depressed for a long time–until I could finally work up the courage to take out the wretched manuscript and look at it again.

Well, those were the old days. That’s what I USED to do. I’m much too grown up and enlightened to revert back to that. After all, it was just teenage angst. I’m past it. I’m capable of looking at my writing rationally and keeping its quality detached from my own view of myself. I can be brave, self-confident, and not get hung up on the little things. I can look at the problems with my writing and fix them without getting upset or depressed. I can take criticism and it won’t be all that painful.

Well, these were the things that I USED to believe. But now, I’m starting to realize that it’s probably all crap.

I’m approaching 120 pages again. My story is at 25,000+ words and I’m definitely committed to it now. More committed, perhaps, than I’ve been to a story since returning from my mission (at least, more committed to a novel-length story since I’ve already finished two short stories). And now that I’m committed, and right in the middle of the story itself, I’m starting to feel the unpredictable emotions coming on.

It’s like I’m on a roller coaster as it slowly gets pulled to the top of that very first drop–the machine is going <click> <clack> and I’m about 200 or 300 feet up in the air. The first drop off is maybe 30 feet away and I’m already starting to feel sick.

I think this realization came today during the writing meeting. It was a very good writing meeting, and I got some good and much needed feedback on my story. But I really started to feel kind of anxious as I heard people analyzing my story. I’ve felt that a little bit before, but I’ve always been able to put it aside. This time, it felt a lot stronger, and came when I wasn’t expecting it–even when people were giving my praise.

Last Winter, when Aneeka was still around, I remember the expression she would have on her face as I would give her feedback and criticism on her writing. She’d get really tense and almost a little bit scared, like an animal backed up into a corner or like a prisoner watching the torturer approach carrying some kind of unpleasant looking tool in his hand. It seemed very strange to me at the time, but I think I started to feel like that today.

And also, I think that it’s getting easier and easier to doubt my story. I’m past the honeymoon stage, where the story has just begun, I’ve got all these great ideas in my head and everything is in front of me. Now, I’ve covered some sizeable distance, and I can look back and say “oh, I need this character to be more like this,” or “I really did a poor job of this and it’s going to affect what I want to write in this upcoming scene.”

At the same time, I’m approaching the point where all these crucial questions and concepts about the world I’m writing need to have concrete answers. When I started, I could just generalize and say “well, the universe of my story is kind of like this,” or “this culture has a certain religion, and it’s kind of like this, but I’m sure I’ll work out the details when I get to that point.” Well, I’m at that point now, and I haven’t finished working out the concept. And because I don’t have the answers that I need in the concrete and specific form that I need them, it’s very easy to doubt the story and say “is this idea really any good anyways?”

So, things are starting to get a little bit tough emotionally. I can only expect it to get worse as I go along. If it happens even to the pros, so how can I expect to get away unscathed?

But there is some hope. Plenty of it, in fact. Right after the writing meeting today, I decided to go through and quickly make all the revisions that I felt the story needed (and there were plenty of them, including the embarrassing fact that Jorgen praised me for how villainous I made out this one character to be, when in fact that character was supposed to be one of the good guys!). As I thought about the revisions that I needed to make, I got really worried about them. My story, I felt, was pretty bad, and needed some major work. Well, as soon as I put in my flash drive and pulled up the story, those thoughts of “my story isn’t very good, it needs a lot of work” went away, and I just focused on what was in front of me. I saw a problem, fixed it, worked in some new stuff that made that area a little bit better, then moved on to the next thing. In a couple of hours, I had made all the revisions that had been suggested and really felt satisfied with the changes. I was excited to move on and keep writing. It was great!

So, I guess that once you REALLY commit to a story, you start to experience some pretty intense emotions. But not all of them are going to be bad. My experience so far has been that the more distanced I am from my story, the worse I think that it is, whereas the more I sit down and work on it, the more satisfaction I get. That may change in the future, but for now, it’s enough to keep me going.

Some thoughts on writing, reading, and stories

I’ve had some interesting thoughts recently about stories. It’s come mostly from interacting with the writing group and with friends from the writing group. As I’m getting more and more into writing fiction, my thoughts about fiction, stories, and science fiction get more and more complex and interesting. This post is going to be a little bit abstract, but I think it will be a bit shorter than usual. And probably a bit more interesting.

There was this thread on the Quark board going on in the last couple of weeks about giving and taking criticism, and one of the points was that, as a writer, you really shouldn’t defend your own work. You shouldn’t argue with the readers.

I’ve heard this same argument before, but on slightly different terms. Those terms were “you should let your work stand on its own, without you trying to defend it.” I think that’s good rationale, but I would go a step further: I would say that you shouldn’t argue with readers because criticism is never objectively true or false. Criticism is a reaction from the reader’s experience, and no matter how much you argue with the reader, you can’t change the fact that that was the experience that he (or she) had with your story. The reaction isn’t objectively true or false; it simply “is.” And therefore, if you start arguing and saying “that’s not true about my story!” then really you’re just wasting your breath. Criticism may be helpful or unhelpful, but it isn’t going to be true or false–at least, not in some objective way independent of the reading experience.

So then, I was reading Aneeka’s personal writing blog (notice, Aneeka, how I preserve your privacy by not linking to you, even though it’s a really good blog), and I read this really depressing post about how bad her novel is (even though it’s not that bad) and about how she’s doubting that she can ever be a writer, etc. I wanted to say something, so I left this really long comment. And I wasn’t planning on saying anything in particular, but as I was writing, this really interesting idea came out:

I guess that at some point you just have to transfer ownership of the story to the reader. Since everyone has a different life experience, they’re going to experience your story a little bit different. When you want it to be “perfect,” you might actually be trying to control what cannot be controlled. Everyone who reads your book is going to come away with a slightly different story in their heads, just because they’ll approach it in different ways. You can’t really control the readers’ experience, so trying to do it is futile. I guess all you can do really is open a door and invite the reader in. Your story needs a reader just as much as it needs a writer in order to exist.

I wasn’t planning on saying that, but the idea just came to my head and I said it. Usually, when I do something like that, it ends up a) offending people, or b) making me say or do something that I regret, or c) both. But this time it just got me to thinking: does a story exist independent of someone reading it? What is a story anyways? What does “perfection” mean when you apply it to writing fiction?

Once you realize that a story doesn’t exist independent of someone reading it, it can really free you up in a lot of ways. First of all, you realize that you aren’t going to please everyone, since the story will be different for different people. Second, you realize that “perfection” is not something that you create alone. It’s something that is created by the writer AND the reader. You aren’t, by yourself, going to write a “perfect” story. At least, not independent of someone reading it. Your goal is not to write some story that is objectively “perfect,” independent of someone reading it, but to reach through the narrative to connect with the reader in some way, and allow them to realize the “perfect” story.

Sometimes (in fact, quite often) writers will have this fallacious idea that there is some possible combination of words, sentences, paragraphs, and other elements that is the “perfect” version of their story. They’ll slave and slave just to get that write combination, then get discouraged and fed up with it all. But if you can realize this point–that it is impossible for a story to exist independent of it being read–it can free you up to realize that there isn’t any one perfect combination of words, letters, sentences, paragraphs, structure, form, etc. Once you try to get down to that level of minuteness, you are trying to exert too much control over the reader. The truth is that the reader has some work to do as well. We don’t call it “work” because it’s actually pretty fun, but the reader is the one who puts things together and actually “creates” your story from the ink that he (or she) sees on the page. So, really, you shouldn’t be focusing on the words, sentences, paragraphs, and other structure, but on the reader and how the story will be read. It’s not about getting the perfect combination of words as much as it is helping the reader to construct the story in his (or her) own head. And really, you have to free yourself up to the idea that maybe the story that the reader reads isn’t the same story that’s floating around in your head. You have to leave freedom for that, otherwise you cut the reader out of the act of creation. When that happens, your story starts to suck–but if you can, essentially, open a door for the reader and enable the imagination to spread its wings and take off–if you can do that, you have got the potential to write an amazingly good piece of work.

So, those are basically my thoughts at this point. I may be right about some things, and I’m probably wrong about most things. But it’s a fascinating journey. I love pondering things. And these are my latest thoughts. Feel free to share your own, debunk mine, or otherwise enlighten me. I’m very eager to hear your own thoughts.

question on novel length

So, I’m coming up to about 25,000 words, and I’m starting to get worried that I’m not as far in the storyline as I should be for this time. I’m not all that sure what to do. How long is a normal novel? Is there a length in particular that I should aim for? How do I know if the story is progressing as it should?

I figure (as with everything) that I’ll just write it and cut out all the unecessary stuff after I’m finished. But I do want to know what I’m aiming for right now. There is SO much stuff that I want to have happen in this story, and I hope I’m not at page 150 or something by now.

And I fell asleep like five times trying to write this. Good freaking night!

Why are writers so self conscious?

This is something I’ve noticed: that aspiring writers are generally introverted and very self conscious–to the point even of being fragile. It’s hard for them to feel confident and very easy for them to feel depressed because they think that their writing is all bad.

I’ve been in the same boat–and now that my latest attempt at a novel is starting to really become something, I’m starting to feel the same way again. In fact, I spent an entire year during high school vaguely depressed because I became frustrated and discouraged with my writing (there were other factors, of course, but my own feeling of failure about my writing was what really triggered it).

I was chatting with Aneeka via gmail the other day, and I asked her “why are writers so self conscious?” The conversation went like this:

Me: why is it that writers are almost always so self conscious?
Aneeka: because writing is a talent that is so subjective.
Me: what does subjective talent have to do with it?
Aneeka: subjective talent means if you think you do well and a few other people do too, you can be devastated when someone else says it’s awful and you realize that that’s completely right for them.

I think Aneeka was saying that it’s so easy to be self conscious because people can both lift you up with the highest praise and tear you down into the dirt with criticism, and both views can be right at the same time. The idea is that since writing is so subjective, different readers can say different, even contradictory things about your writing, and be right about it. Because of this, it’s very hard to hit a point where everyone can say “this is good writing,” and so long as someone can rightfully say that it’s bad, it hurts.

However, to my mind, this doesn’t exactly answer the question. It points out how the self-consciousness comes about, but it doesn’t address the root cause itself–the question “why.” At least, it doesn’t seem to to me.

In my opinion, there are at least a couple of reasons why writers are so self-conscious. The first reason has to do with the amount of effort and emotional commitment that goes into the act of writing and telling a story. It takes a tremendous amount of work to write a piece of good fiction–not just physical or mental work, but emotional work as well. It’s only natural that a significant piece of your identity becomes invested in such a tremendous undertaking. Because you spend so much effort on the story, you feel that you yourself will succeed or fail according to how the story succeeds or fails. And, as Aneeka said, because stories are so subjective, it’s very easy for someone to write off your story as crap. Thus, consciousness about your story’s quality is transformed into self-consciousness.

The second idea is related, but slightly different. It has to do with the way that we, as a society, build boundaries around our lives.

The degree to which our lives are ruled by social norms is incredible. Most of these norms we don’t even notice even as we obey them. When we communicate with each other, we do so through a set of filters–not just on the receiving end, but on the transmitting end as well. When I’m talking with a girl that I think is cute, I will express my thoughts in a completely different way than I’ll express them when I’m around my roommates. Indeed, there are many thoughts that I’ll completely filter out, depending on the situation. It’s not just because society expects me to do it. It’s because I myself want to run things through this filter–that I feel a need to put on a mask. It might be a small mask, or a mostly transparent mask, but the mask is still there.

However, in order to be a good writer, you have to break down these personally-enforced filters and take off these masks to express your most personal and embarrassing thoughts and ideas. This comes from the idea that you can’t really write anything that you haven’t experienced (which, I’m learning from my Phil 202 class, was argued by Hume). The characters that you write are going to have different bits and pieces of you in them–otherwise, you just wouldn’t understand them. It’s possible for you to imagine the setting or the storyline or any other part of the story, because you can piece it together from things that you’ve actually experienced. The emotions that your story draws upon and (hopefully) invokes are emotions that you yourself have experienced.

In order to make sure that the characters are real, the setting and plot are believable, and that there is real emotional depth to the story, you have to take your mask off. You have to expose your real self to the paper, without filtering it for the girl that you’re trying to impress, or the roommates that you’re trying to get to accept you, or any of the other people that you interact with. As soon as you start filtering, you hold yourself back from really using that part of you, or of your experience, to generate that really interesting character, or that really amazing world, or that really powerful emotional depth. Your story will suffer.

According to this take on the question, learning to write well is learning to stop filtering yourself and completely expose yourself, in a hundred different ways, to an audience of hundreds, thousands, or even millions of people. No wonder, then, that it’s so easy to be self-conscious! The more you work on your story, the more you take down your filters in order for your story to be good, and the more exposed and vulnerable you make yourself.

I could keep on running with this thought, and wonder how this relates to what seems to be a correlation between self-consciousness and introvertedness among writers–whether one causes the other, vice versa, or a third variable is causing both–but I figure that this post is long enough as it is, without my rambling on. Maybe that’s a subject for later.

What does it mean when it comes easy?

So, I went on a blind date this evening with a girl who is a fantasy writer / English lit major. It was interesting and fun, and we had a lot to talk about. One of the things that surprised me was a comment she made about writing.

Basically, she said “if it’s easy for you to write something, that’s bad. Good writing is always challenging.”

Now, this contradicts my own view, which is that when you’re writing is good, it comes naturally and so it flows a lot easier.

Which one is right?

OTOH, it’s easier to resort back to cliches and formulaic writing than it is to come up with new phrases and metaphors to describe things, so that would logically mean that the easier writing is, the more cliche it is. OTOH, writing is conveying thoughts, ideas, and imaginary experiences, and the stronger the connection between your imagination and that part of your brain which decides which words to put down on the paper, the easier and more natural it will come.

I could say more, but I have some homework I have to do before I go to bed. What is your take on this? Does your writing get better the easier it becomes, or worse?