Frustrations – Page 15 – One Thousand And One Parsecs

School is kicking my trash

It’s true. This is what my wordcount spreadsheet currently looks like:

Note that the seven day totals are dropping consistently. If I want to finish this novel before World Fantasy, I’m going to have to keep that number above 7,800…not including the work on Genesis Earth 4.0.

Something tells me that’s going to be very hard.

This week was particularly busy. I had a research proposal presentation for my capstone class–that was stressful–plus a writeup of the presentation. Thankfully, the full written proposal isn’t due for a couple of weeks.

Besides that, I’ve been working my two TA jobs and doing a buttload of readings and summaries for my other classes. Ugh.

The cool thing, though, is that when it’s my office hours and the students aren’t coming, I can get paid for reading Aeschylus, Plato, Sophocles, and all those other awesome Greek writers. The Libation Bearers was surprisingly good. I’d like to read The Furies, but I’ve got to read Plato’s Apology in order to keep up with the class. Still, the Apology is good stuff, too.

Reminds me: today, I went kayaking on Utah lake with the wilderness writing class. While I was there, I had this story idea: what if the Greek civilization had developed in Alaska instead of Aegea? And then I realized that it already happened: the Norse.

With school and work consistently kicking my butt, the only time I have to write EVER is between 10pm and 12pm. Every day this week (except for one time, when I drove a girl home), I’ve been in the Harold B Lee library until closing time, when the music starts to play. Every day, I come home exhausted. And then I get up the next day at 7am to get ready for class. Something tells me this isn’t sustainable.

Still, I think the worst times in the semester are at the beginning and the end. In the beginning, you’re still in the summer mentality, so the work beats you up until you get used to it. In the last half, everything gets so insane with exams and term papers that you can barely keep your head above the water no matter what you do. I’m adjusting slowly, but adjusting.

I’ll keep up with the writing as best I can, but Genesis Earth is going to be my top priority when I start that. In the meantime, I’ll just try to finish Bringing Stella Home by plugging away and catching up on the weekends.

In the meantime, I’ve got some great ideas for my next big project. Come November, I’m going to have a lot of fun.

🙂

I look forward to having a 9 to 5 job

I really do.

School is difficult, because you can never really separate yourself from your work at the end of the day. You’ve always got homework to do for the next day, or some project to prepare, some reading to do. There’s never a defined time where it “ends.”

This semester so far has been pretty crazy–not as crazy busy as some semesters, but it’s starting to approach it. I’m taking my capstone class, and it’s fairly rigorous. Today, I’m doing a research proposal presentation, and I just discovered, after looking in the syllabus last night, that a 2 page mock grant proposal is due Wednesday. On my birthday. <groan>.

I’m stressing out a bit about this presentation. Professor Christensen is a real stickler for presentations. Going over 6 minutes will dock your grade 10%+. Looking at the audience for less than 90% of the time will dock your grade about 5% or so. It doesn’t help that I’m going on the last possible day.

Now, I’m probably stressing out more than I need to. I’m just unfamiliar with this format for presentations, and that’s getting to me. The result is that when I sit down to write, I find it very hard to concentrate because my mind is on this other stuff. And since I could be using any writing time to work on my presentation, I usually end up doing that. Unfortunately, because I’m not very familiar with this kind of assignment, I don’t think a lot of that time is particularly productive.

It will be nice to have a job that ENDS at five o’clock and gives me the rest of the day to do what I want, without having to worry about the stuff that happens from nine to five. In some ways, it will probably be more conducive to my writing, even if it does require more time than my classes. It’s very hard to have the mental space for writing when you’re over your head in homework.

Battle scenes are HARD

I’m in the middle of revising a major battle scene right now. This is supposed to be one of the more important climaxes of the book, adding a lot more tension and emotion as the novel approaches the main climax.

Let me just say, writing a good battle scene is tough. The first version of this one…yeah, it sucked. Hardcore sucked. I’m cutting whole sections at a time–five hundred words, eight hundred words–and completely rewriting them from the ground up. I’m not sad to see these sections go, either–they were BAD.

I think the most difficult thing is to keep the pacing up without confusing the reader. For that reason, I reconceptualized most of the action here and made it simpler. I also repeated several times the main point of tension–basically, will we get out of here before reinforcements come and kick our trash? I hate it when a fight scene is so confusing that the tension just leaks out. I don’t want that to happen here.

At the same time, I’m trying to filter everything through the viewpoint character. Too often, I’ll read an action scene that’s just a blow-by-blow of the physical action. That gets boring REALLY fast. Without character, you have no stakes. I want the stakes to be high from the very onset.

Still, it’s hard. I don’t know if I’m succeeding yet. I probably won’t until I distance myself from what I’ve written tonight and take a good, hard look at it.

Since I can’t do that until the third revision, I’m not going to worry about it. Better to write it out now and move on than to try so hard to get everything perfect that I can’t see the story for the words.

On the plus side, I’ve been listening to a LOT of Star Wars battle music while writing this. That’s always fun!

Conversations with a pedestrian

People in Utah are generally nice and easy to get along with…until it comes to traffic. That’s when all the jerks come out. I’ve seen the finger more times here in Utah than anywhere else in my life–even as a missionary in California. After living here for a while, it starts to irk you.

So tonight, as I was waiting to turn left on the corner of Canyon and Bulldog, just as the light turns green a jogger runs out in the road. Predictably, the oncoming traffic honks at him, but what does he do? He flips them off.

I turned left to cut through the RB/SFH parking lot on my way home, and realized that the jogger was running the same way. Since his disrespectful gesture had rubbed me the wrong way, I decided to slow down, roll down my window, and confront him.

So, while he continued to run, I drove parallel to him and we had this conversation:

Me: Hey, why did you flip that guy off?
Jerk: Because he was being a prick!
Me: But you were the one who ran across the road.
Jerk: Yeah, but I have the right of way!
Me: Not when you’re running a red light.
Jerk: Oh yeah? Pedestrians always have the right of way, retard!
Me: So I’m a retard? Is this how you plan to get through life, by being rude to everyone?
Jerk: <laughs> EXACTLY. That’s exactly how I plan to get through life.
Me: That’s not a very good way to live. You should control your temper.
Jerk: Yeah, whatever. <waves me off> Later, dude.
Me: So now you’re just going to run away from what you did?
Jerk: <runs up to car window> Look, do you want to make this a little more serious? <threatens to punch>
Me: Not really. I just want to hold you accountable for what you did.
Jerk: <runs off again> Whatever, dude. I’m just trying to exercise.
Me: And I’m doing you a favor. You should learn to control your temper. <drives off>

I don’t know if I accomplished anything by this (or even what I wanted to accomplish), but it felt satisfying knowing that one less jerk in Provo got away with his rude and disrespectful behavior. I hope that guy remembers this conversation for a while, even if it only makes him madder. One day, he’ll learn.

First week drama and other news

It’s been a while since I’ve written here, mostly because it’s been a crazy week so far. Gosh, it feels like Saturday already. School’s back in session, and while the homework hasn’t been bad so far (and probably won’t be), I’ve been jumping through hoops just to get this semester figured out.

Long story short, my work schedule has been clashing with my class schedule, especially since I decided I wanted to drop this English class that didn’t look very appealing. But to graduate with an English minor, I must take an English class this semester, and all the ones I want to take conflict with this two hour weekly mandatory in service class. My boss will probably fire me if I can’t make the meeting, but you know what? As much as I love the FHSS Writing Lab, school comes first. If push comes to shove (and I really hope that it doesn’t), I’ll probably just find work elsewhere this semester.

Augh. Everything’s complicated by the fact that you have to use add/drop cards for some dumb reason, so you can’t just rearrange your schedule online. If you drop a class, then realize that you shouldn’t have done it…tough. Blegh.

Making things even more complicated are the looming deadlines. I’ve barely touched the FAFSA (need to get on that), and for Washington Seminar I’ve got a lot of application work to do ASAP.

As usual, though, it’s the little stuff that really gets to me, not the big, earthshaking stuff. In twenty four hours, all this crap will probably be resolved. Twenty four hours ago, I was frantically trying to find an English class, and now I’m signed up for this AWESOME wilderness writing class! I am so looking forward to it!

With all this first week upside downness, you would think my writing has suffered. Well, not so! I put in a solid 3k today, writing in hour-long blocks between classes and from 7pm to 11pm tonight. Very satisfying to get so much done, at least as far as writing is concerned.

Now, I need to get to bed. I’ve decided to keep working out in the mornings, like I did all summer, but the SFH weightroom closes from 8am to 4pm for classes, so I need to get up around 6:30 if I want to work out. G’night!

Blarg.

I’ve got a bad case of writer’s avoidance. It’s annoying.

I wrote 1,500 words in Bringing Stella Home today, and about 800 words of outlining. That might seem like a lot, but when you consider how much free time I had today, it’s really not that much. Blarg.

I’m all moved in to my new place, with my class and work schedule all worked out, my insurance paid for, groceries in the fridge, books on the shelf (or boxed in the closet–not much book space, considering that Ben’s already taken most of it!), etc etc. I even went on a date last night–a really awesome one! So it’s not like I can say “I had chores” and use that as an excuse.

Part of the problem, though, was that I didn’t have this particular section very well planned. Without having a good macroscopic view of the novel, it’s hard to revise things right. Fortunately, I took a step back today and planned out the next three chapters or so. That should keep me going strong for a while.

Whenever I stop procrastinating and just write, I usually dive right into it. It’s thinking too much about it before I start that really holds me back.

So, no more thinking–just doing.

Tomorrow is the last Friday before school starts, and the last 100% open day I have before the craziness begins. Here’s what I plan to do:

Cook chili (all from scratch–I’m soaking the beans tonight).
Pick up tupperware and a cutting board from DI.
Read and critique the stories for writing group.
Read required readings for Poli Sci 309R (or, if not, at least on Saturday).
Go to the temple–gotta go to the temple before school starts.
Catch up a bit on the blogging backlog (and boy is it LONG).

Hopefully, in between all of that, I can knock off a chapter or two. My goal: 4k words. Gotta buckle down!

In related news, I got an amazing compliment from my friend Drek! We were chatting online, and this is what he said:

Ben: Just remember you have to find a girl BEFORE you become an incredibly famous novelist, or you’ll never know if your wife married you for your money or your looks.

me: ha

ha

ha

no, I”m probably going to be poor and destitute all my life

working a day job

Ben: No way, I predict you’ll be a professional author within five years.

me: thanks

but will it be enough to make a living?

lots of bestselling authors still have day jobs

Ben: Eh, you’ll have more of a day “hobby” just so you can earn some play money.

me: perhaps

Ben: Anyway, see you on Saturday!

Thanks Ben! I haven’t really thought of it that way (I don’t dare get my hopes up), but that would be awesome if things worked out that way. That’s the goal, in any case. I just hope I can keep my head out of the water after I graduate!

Finally, I’ll leave you with some awesome Celtic music–part of the reason I haven’t been writing!

I’m back!

Wow, I’m back from vacation. Not “back” as in back in Utah, but “back” as in no longer at the cape. We drove home to Western Massachusetts this evening and arrived just a couple hours ago.

Family vacation this year was lots of fun! It was me, mom and pop, and Sarah and Mykle at a local cottage for about a week. We went to Nauset Light Beach, Coast Guard Beach, Race Point Beach, Provincetown, Hyannis, Moby Dick’s restaurant, the Cape Cod Natural History Museum, and, of course, good old Sheep Pond in Brewster (Brew-stah). When we weren’t out and about, we were either watching movies or playing Hearts and Shanghai, the Vasicek family card game of choice.

It was a lot of fun to hang out with the family at Cape Cod, but after a week I’m ready to head back into life as usual. My back is fried, I’ve had enough Shanghai to make me sick (especially considering how CRAZY our family games can get!), and I’m looking forward to no longer smelling like salt water or sun tan lotion.

I’m also looking forward to writing again. I kept up the writing at the cape–about 1k to 2k each day, mostly in the evening–but man, stuff like moving and vacations and travel and having fun tends to throw out your daily routine. I haven’t had one for the last week and a half, and I want to get back to something a little more stable (not to mention productive).

Alas, the summer is just about over. I’ll be flying back to Utah on Tuesday, moving all my stuff into my new apartment on Wednesday (Ben Crowder is going to be my roommate–I think it’s going to be a fun and interesting semester!), helping a friend move her stuff out of storage on Saturday, and doing other get-ready-for-school things on the other days, including filling out the FAFSA, getting parking stickers, books, figuring out what’s going on with my double-major capstone, and blah blah blah other boring annoying stuff.

Gah! Why can’t I just write all day, every day? Looks like those days are over…<sob>.

Someday, inshallah, I’ll make that dream a reality. Someday soon, inshallah!

To write on vacation or not to write?

That is the question.

These last couple of weeks have been very unproductive. I hate it. Yeah, there have been reasons–moving apartments, sister’s graduation, coming home, etc. Worthless excuses–I should have been writing more, and I didn’t.

At the same time, taking a break every now and again is very important. Sometimes you just have to sit back and recharge your creative batteries–otherwise, you’ll overwork them and they’ll die. What better way to kill your productivity than that?

I noticed, back at the beginning of the month, that I needed a break. I produced about 85k words each month in June and July, and I’ve been sloshing through the middle of Bringing Stella Home 2.0 for some time now. Consequently, my creative brain seemed to shut down about two weeks ago (or at least switched to power-saving mode) and I haven’t been writing at a consistent rate since. Blargh.

So I know I need a vacation. I’ve needed it for some time. And now that I’m here in Massachusetts, heading to the cape on Saturday, I’ve got the perfect opportunity to relax and recharge my batteries.

Trouble is, if I stop writing altogether, will I lose momentum? Will it take me another week just to get back into the story? I’ve already lost so much productivity, it makes me feel disgusted. I need to be so much further along in this story than I am if I’m going to meet my (self-imposed) deadline.

So, I’m wondering–should I write while I’m on this vacation?

Of course, I’m not going to spend eight hours a day writing full time, the way I have been for most of this summer. I’m going to relax. But should I set a modest goal of 1k words a day while I’m there? I kind of think I should.

Don’t worry, though. I’m going to take time off for fun as well. I’ve been looking forward to this trip for a very long time!

As if writing weren’t fun enough already. 🙂

Uh oh…more projects?

That’s right. I recently formed a writing group with some friends, and decided to workshop Bringing Stella Home through it. They went through the first chapter yesterday and tore it apart. I appreciate the help a TON, but I’m going to have to start making revision to it now, so that subsequent submissions to the writing group won’t have the same issues.

So, that makes three major ongoing projects for me now: the Genesis Earth 3.0 revision draft, the Ashes of the Starry Sea 2.2 draft, and now, Bringing Stella Home 2.0. It’s going to be very hard to juggle all three, and one of them will probably fall through the cracks (probably Ashes, to be honest). However, I’m going to do my best to give them all equal time. We’ll see if I succeed.

In order to accomplish this, I’m probably going to have to make some changes to my daily routine. Right now, I work out, eat breakfast, read the Book of Mormon, and arrive on campus ready to write…at about 11:00 am. And that’s on a good day. I write until about 2:00 or 3:00 pm, then go home for lunch, take a nap, check the internet, be lazy, etc. At about 7:00 or 7:30 pm, I head back up to campus and write until about midnight.

So far, it’s been working. I’ve been averaging 4k words per day pretty regularly these past couple of weeks. However, if I’m going to work on these projects, I might have to focus and up that wordcount a bit.

Therefore, I’m going to try to cut back on IMing while I’m writing. Usually, during the day, I’ve got gmail open on my browser and I check it from time to time. I’ve got a couple of friends with whom I usually keep a running chat for the entire day, which can be maddening when you’re trying to concentrate.

I’ve been thinking about cutting back on the IMing for the last few weeks, but thus far it hasn’t been too much of an issue. However, if I’m going to buckle down, something’s got to go. Sorry.

(Of course, it remains to be seen if I keep this resolution. Internet habits die hard.)

In unrelated news, I cooked the AWESOMEST chili today! Best chili of my life, and what’s even better, I cooked it in MASSIVE amounts! Here’s what I put in it:

corn
diced onions
ground beef
kidney beans
pinto beans
black beans
crushed tomatoes
diced jalapenos
plain yoghurt
spices

The secret ingredient was definitely the yoghurt. Adds a creamy texture, like sour cream without the unhealth stuffy. Also give it a rich and interesting flavor.

Good stuff!

Quick update

Haven’t been writing as much in Ashes these past few days. With my new goal, I need to be doing about 2.5k per day in that work, but things have slowed down considerably. I need to rekindle some excitement for this project.

I will finish it–I’ve made the goal, set the deadline, and determined that this will be one of the big three projects to get ready in time for World Fantasy 2009–but I’m working on the hard parts now, the long and tedius middle. The emotional roller coaster has begun, but I’ll hang on and see this out to the end.

It will probably need another extensive rewrite, however, before World Fantasy. Don’t know when I’m going to slip that in.

But even though I only got about 1,838 words of writing in today, I finished reading through Genesis Earth 2.0 today and completed the 3.0 draft revision notes! I’m WAY excited to work on this project! My goal is to complete it within the next two weeks. It will be a very hard, very intensive rewrite, but I’m psyched up and ready to do it!

I love revising. Drafting is when you start from scratch, with nothing but your ideas to work from. The deeper you get into it, the more you find yourself saying “this is crap, this is crap, THIS IS CRAP AND I SUCK AS A WRITER!” Revising, on the other hand, is when you start with something on the page; something that needs a little (or a lot) of work, but at least you have something besides the story in your head to work with. The deeper you get into it, the more you find yourself saying “it’s so much better now, it’s so much better now, IT’S SO MUCH BETTER NOW AND I AM AN AWESOME WRITER!” That’s the way it works for me, at least.

So I am very excited to start Genesis Earth 3.0 tomorrow!

In other news, I’m starting a writing group with some serious/semi-serious writer friends here in the Provo area. Gosh, this deserves its own post. More on that later.

In still other news…I totally forgot. Blegh. Need sleep.

Oh, and here’s a cool song I found. I love anime…why didn’t I study Japanese?

Oh, and I remembered what I was going to write about! I talked with an academic advisor today, and I have enough credits to finish up my Poli Sci major and graduate in April by doing an internship in Washington DC or Scotland! More on that later, for sure.

Anyway, the LRC is closing and I have to go to bed. Gnight!