One of the first stories I ever wrote

I was looking around in some of the old files that I have, and I came across this old piece. It’s one of the first stories that I ever wrote–probably the first piece of creative fiction that I wrote outside of school. I remember writing this! It was back in 5th grade, so that would make me about ten years old! I wrote it on the family computer–an old 386 that died during y2k (well, not really, but we had to use a fix to get around it, and then we forgot how to use the fix and my Dad gave it away. Gave it away!!! What I wouldn’t give to still have that computer!!!!!). I wrote it back when I was reading books on African wildlife and the Goodals, and my goal was to become a naturalist someday. A lot of that comes out if you read between the lines here. Of course, I had already decided that I would be a fiction writer, but that would be a part-time thing–I’d still need a day job.

I think the real significant thing about this story was that it was the first one that I did independent of school. I was really fortunate in that my elementary school had a strong creative writing program, so I’d already “written” a dozen or so books already–mostly stories that were about 500 to 1,000 words long, with pictures that I drew. This one was about 3,500 words long, and when I finally finished it, I felt really tired and really proud of myself! I don’t remember how long it took, but it took several weeks, and possibly even months. This story marked the starting point in my life of writing creative fiction on my own. After this, I went on to write about five more hyena stories, then I started a science fiction piece based off of one of my imaginary universes, and then, after maybe a couple of other projects, I started my first attempt at a novel in the 8th grade. Ever since then, I’ve always had this writing bug. Even when I was on my mission I had it, and at one point even scribbled a few chapters for an allegorical story based on Lehi’s dream.

So, you could say that this Hyena story was a milestone for me. It’s not something I’d try to publish now, but I do think it offers a wonderful view into what I was thinking and writing back then as a budding creative writer. Enjoy!

Deep in the heart of the Grasslands of Africa, along the River of Plenty, lie our dens. For hundreds of years we hyenas of the Rivers Clan have lived in peace. That is, until the time that the river overflowed, flooding our dens and destroying our home.
When I was just a cub, I would tussle and wrestle with all the other cubs, Fisi, Lou-Lou, Wana, Topi, and several others. I was one reckless cub, though I was only a male. On many occasions, Ano, the leader of the Rivers Clan, quieted me down by barring her teeth. To the other adults of our clan, I was no more than a stupid, bothersome cub. However, that all changed when the river flooded.
I was a young hyena who was not quite an adult when the river overflowed it’s banks.
On that day, I had just come back from the mudhole. It was at noon day during the dry season.
“Hiya, Lou-Lou,” I said. “Hey, ya wanna know what was happenin’ at the waterhole? A Nile Croc was eatin’ an Impala! It was neat, you shouldev’ been there!” Lou-Lou looked at me funny. “We’re supposed to do the greeting ritual, Nenya, before you tell me anything. You know that.” she said. “Okay, I forgot, Lou-Lou.”
We did the greeting ritual, and then we did the leg-lifting ritual.
“Okay, now listen, Lou-Lou, it was neat! First, of all-“ Suddenly Osep, an adult male, came rushing up the path to the river. “The river is flooding! The river is flooding!” We didn’t even take time to do any ritual. We all rushed over to the steep riverbanks.
“See?” shouted Osep. Indeed, the river WAS beginning to rise. Already the water level had risen well over the mudhole I had just rolled in, and was rising fast.
“Oh my gosh! Quick, we must warn the others!” shouted Lou-Lou. “Run!”
We ran as fast as we could up the muddy slopes. When we reached the dens, we didn’t even take time for the greeting ritual. Ano soon awoke, and immediately we all began scrambling madly about like ants in the dust of a Wildebeest stampede. Unfortunately, the river soon flooded over our dens before everyone could come out.
Most of the adult males had come out, but the females were busy taking out their cubs. Soon the water had crept up the path and was spreading to our dens. We could do nothing. I felt mad, guilty, and fearful all at once. Soon, most of the females and cubs were out of the dens, coughing, gasping, and wheezing. Ano soon led us to higher ground, where the water could not spread. Those of us who weren’t half dead were trying to help the other ones.
Soon night fell. Most of the others went out on the open grasslands to hunt. Only a few stayed at the high land. Those staying were the strong ones, because should a lioness attack, those half drowned would need a good defense.
Ano pulled me aside. “Look, Nenya, I know that you are reckless, and only a male, but I need, WE need you to go upstream and stop the river from flooding,” she said.
I was stunned. “I can’t do that! I haven’t even proven myself worthy to be an adult! And besides, I’m only a male. Choose someone else.”
Ano replied, “All the others who aren’t half dead are either hunting or protecting the other ones. We need you, Nenya, to go upstream. Besides, soon the Crocodiles will come on land due to a destroyed home. And the Wildebeest herds can’t cross the river when it is flooded like this. Please, Nenya, you are the clan’s only hope.”
I thought about it for a great while. After I had pondered about it for a long time, I answered. “Ano, I will go and do what you told me to however great the danger or urge not to go.” “Good, Nenya. Now you must get enough sleep in order to start out in the morning sun, when you can see all the dangers of the open grasslands. I’ll send for you as soon as the others come back from the hunt.”
While I was sleeping, the ones on the hunt managed to chase a wounded Wildebeest near the high land. Soon Ano woke me up. “Come, Nenya, the others have driven a sick Wildebeest towards the high land and have crippled it!”
The Wildebeest was soon dead, and the others came and gorged themselves.
Since Ano was the leader of the clan, she soon found me a good place at the kill. “You males, take some food to the half drowned ones. Let the strong females at a good place. And let Nenya have the best place at the kill, since he will leave in the morning to journey upriver.” Several hyenas grumbled at the last part of Ano’s command, for as you know, I was not the most popular one in the clan.
Never before in all my life had I had such a wondrous amount of food! I ate most of the tastiest parts of the Wildebeest! Ano herself had resigned from her rightful place at the kill, and later I learned that she had also lost her place in the clan as leader by giving me the most meat, skin, and bone. However, that all happened while I was away.
I awoke at the crack of dawn. While the others were either asleep or resting, I began to walk towards the edge of the high land.
Our dens are at a part where the river banks are low. The high land is a patch of land higher than the surrounding land. In order to get to the land on the side of the river, I had to swim across twenty feet of shallow water. This water probably had a few Crocs in it. I decided to risk the swim.
I started with a leap, which took me over about five feet of water. As soon as I hit the water, I began to swim like crazy. I soon noticed a nearby ‘log’ start moving closer to me. I had about ten feet left to go. The Croc was closing in fast. I knew I could never make it.
Suddenly I heard a hyena howl. The Croc stopped swimming. I managed to barely make it to the other side. The Croc, able to move swiftly and stealthily in water, was not able to travel fast on dry land. He roared in anger, and then he was gone.
I looked back at the hyena who had saved my life. It was Lou-Lou. “Good luck and farewell, Nenya.” She said. She smiled, and went away. “Farewell, Lou-Lou.” I said softly.
I had not gone very far when I saw a herd of hippos. They were on the other side of the river. When I came close to them, a few started running underwater to the banks where I was passing. Since hippos have very sharp teeth and are very dangerous, I decided to run as fast as I could along the riverbanks.
It was about midday when I ran into a pack of hyena dogs. They were no doubt hungry, just as I was. A one hyena is easy prey for a pack of hyena dogs. Hyena dogs can run faster than a hyena, and are very good hunters.
I spotted the hyena dogs from about a mile away, for their coats are bright and make poor camouflage. As soon as I saw them, I knew I must be careful, or I might fall prey to them. At first I thought of running, but I overruled that because hyena dogs are faster and can run just as long as hyenas can. Second, I thought of fighting, but I overruled that because ten hyena dogs are much deadlier than one hyena. I thought of giving myself up, but I just couldn’t do that. I had no choice but to run and dodge and hope.
It was fortunate that I knew how to dodge like the impalas and gazelles. Up ahead about a mile were patches of trees. The hyena dogs were about a half a mile away, and beginning to speed up. Then, suddenly and unexpectedly, I sprinted as fast as I could.
A running hyena dog is much faster than a running hyena, but a sprinting hyena is about as fast as a running hyena dog.
I sprinted as fast as I could, and I reached the trees just before the hyena dogs did. As soon as I reached the trees I started dodging like some prey.
I had never dodged before, so I do not know how well I did. Soon the hyena dogs were on my trail again, so I had to think of something fast.
I saw, not a mile away, a herd of elephants. Elephants are big and have few enemies. I sprinted away from the hyena dogs and ran as fast as I could towards the elephants. The hyena dogs were hot on my heels and closing in fast.
The hyena dogs brought me to the ground at about the same time I went into the elephant herd. As soon as the y had brought me down, they ran away, for the elephants were becoming angry. I was wounded, but not badly, and I could still walk. The elephants were so intent on chasing the hyena dogs away that they did not even see me, which was very fortunate.
Since I was wounded, I could not go on until my wound was better. Some vultures lead me to a freshly killed animal. I gorged myself and then went into an old abandoned warthog den. I stayed there for several days, until my would were better.
When I came out of the abandoned den, I was very hungry, for I hadn’t eaten for days. I desperately needed food.
I managed to find a dead elephant body, which had already been half eaten by hyena dogs. I had to be very careful, for the hyena dogs were certainly in the area. Fortunately, the dogs were already in the middle of a hunt.
As soon as I had eaten, I left, for I did not want to be wounded a second time.
I started out by running, and then when I was a safe distance away from the hyena dogs, I slowed down to a trot. I kept on walking, towards the source of the flood.
I had not gone far when I started to see signs of the devastation. Exactly as Ano had said, the wildebeests could not cross the flooded river. On the other side I saw a large herd of wildebeests searching in vain to find a way across.
That day I had little trouble and traveled a great distance. Soon night fell, and I had to find a place to sleep. I found a patch of long grass suitable enough to hide me from predators and lied down.
I awoke in the middle of the night when I heard something. It sounded like something creeping along in the grass. I broke into a cold sweat. I knew that I was being hunted by a leopard!
I instantly got up and ran, for a leopard is very strong, fast, and hard to see. As soon as I got up I heard something that sounded like a huge creature pouncing! I sprinted as fast as I could, and barely escaped being pounced upon.
I could hear the leopard right behind me, and I knew that if I could keep running for about fifty yards, I would make it.
I started out sprinting and dodging, but I couldn’t shake him. He was closing in fast, and I knew that if I couldn’t go any faster, I wouldn’t make it.
Suddenly I heard a roar. The leopard heard it too, and slowed down. I made it the next few yards to safety. The leopard was so intimidated that he ran back to his tree. I, too, was intimidated, and found a very safe place to sleep; in a hollow log.
When I set out in the morning, I was very cautious. I knew that the roar came from the direction upriver, and knew that I would have to face the lions.
I had not gone too far before I saw a herd of rhinos. I knew that I would have to be careful to avoid them, for even though they are nearsighted, they are very dangerous.
I would have made it if that oxpecker bird hadn’t screeched out a warning to the rhinos.
Instantly I was up and running, and all the rhinos were chasing me! I had to dodge like the wind, or their horns would find their mark! After a while, all but one rhino turned back. The one who hadn’t turned back was a very strong bull with a terrible temper. I was tiring and had to lose him.
Suddenly I heard a sound like I had never heard before. It was a very loud thunder, and as soon as I heard it, the rhino fell to the ground, dead. I was so tired I collapsed.
After I had rested, I went over to the dead rhino. I was very hungry, and I gorged myself. While I was eating, a strange creature came to the carcass. He looked like an erect monkey, but he had no fur, except on his head. He had no tail, and was wearing animal skins. In his right hand was a strange stick. In his left had was a strange, flat looking object He used the object to cut off the rhino’s horn, and he left with it. I knew now who had killed the rhino, and why. It seemed like such a waste, to kill a rhino in cold blood and only take the horn, leaving the other parts to rot. I ate no more of the dead rhino.
After I had left the carcass, I was still hungry, and in need of food. It was midday, and I was still hungry. I decided to hunt some impala.
I waited in he bush and silently stalked my prey, searching for an old or sick impala, for hunting goes easier when you hunt the weak.
I soon found a very old male impala. He was lying down on the grass. I snuck upwind as close as possible before I ran out, roaring and screaming. The impalas thought I was a whole pack of lions! Before long they stampeded, leaving a huge dustcloud in their wake. I soon found the old animal, who had been unable to run with the others. It was a quick and bloodless kill. Soon I had gorged myself, and left the kill to the other animals.
A test for me would soon come. After I had walked for a while, I came to some rocky land. As soon as I went close to the first rock, I smelled a lion. Instantly I crouched down, into the brush. I knew I could not escape a pride of lions, even if I tried. It would take planning to get by this obstacle.
I decided to get past them during midday, when they would be sunning themselves. If I mad myself smell like the river, and sneak down on the banks, I just might make it, thought I.
I attempted to do it just as the sun was high over the plains. First, I rolled in the river and the mud. Next, I crept down so I couldn’t be seen. I then began to silently make it across the lions’ territory.
It started out good. I was hardly noticed by anyone. I made good time and was almost out when I ran into the lion cub.
I was creeping along when all of a sudden the lion cub came out of the grass. I froze. He froze too. Then he started sniffing me and soon wanted me to play with him. Not wanting him to call is mom and get me killed, I played along, too. Though we could not understand each other’s language, we were soon playing and roughing and doing all that. He knew by then that I was a hyena, but he didn’t care. As long as we both played and roughed, it didn’t matter that we were different . I was having fun, same as he was, and I will admit I got a little carried away. Then the lioness came.
At first she stopped. Her son didn’t understand why she was afraid of me. I was so scared I couldn’t breath. Then the mother began to growl. That growl turned into a roar. I didn’t hesitate to run as fast as I could! The lioness, along with several others, joined the chase. I ran as fast as I could! I was faster than I had been when I was being chased by the hyena dogs!
Soon I passed the lion’s borders. I know this because the lionesses soon stopped and went back. I was safe now. For a long time I thought about how the cub and I had been so happy playing together, and now we were separated. It didn’t seem straight.
After that I continued upriver. The source was very close, I could feel it. Soon I came to it, the source of the flood.
Right here two rivers ran parallel for about twenty yards, then went their separate ways. The river of Plenty was flooded because a mudslide the recent rains had caused had stopped the other river’s flow. The water was forced to go over the narrow strip of land and into the River of Plenty.
Starting the flow again was easy. All I had to do was make a small opening in the dam that the mudslide had caused. All the water tried to go through at once, making enough pressure to burst right through the dam. I was out of the way when the dam got washed away. If I hadn’t been, I would be washed down the river. I watched from higher rocks as the River of Plenty resumed to it’s former size.
By then it was dark, and I went to sleep. When I got up, I was hungry. I managed to find a half eaten carcass the lions had left, And ate my fill. Cautiously, of course.
I did not wish to travel back to the dens the way I had come. Instead, I searched until I found a good sized log, large enough to support me and steady enough so it wouldn’t roll over.
I dragged the log over to the banks, threw it in , and hopped on. As I was floating along, I saw the lions. A little while later I saw the herd of rhinos, and the leopard basking in the sun. He roared at me, then went back to sleep. I also saw the Wildebeests, on the other side now. When I passed the hyena dogs, they went wild with wrath!
Then, up ahead, I saw the hippos! I immediately jumped off the log and swam. One of the hippos was swimming closer to me! He opened his mouth…
…And bit off a chunk of air. I was a much better swimmer now, and had gotten to the other side fairly quickly. I did not hesitate one bit. Quickly I ran to the dens. It was late in the evening by now, and I wanted to get back.
I ran into a patrol of female Rivers Clan hyenas just as the sun went down. We did the greeting ritual, then the leg-lifting ritual. Then they escorted me down to the dens. The other hyenas had just killed an antelope near the dens, and everyone was rushing over to the kill.
I was about to rush over, when Ano called for me. I quickly came to her. “Hello Ano. Aren’t you going to go to the kill? You are the leader of the clan.” I said. “ Not any more, Nenya. While you were gone, the others made Wana the new clan leader.” Said Ano. “And I see now that you are no longer just a reckless cub. You have proven yourself to be an adult.” It was then that I noticed that Lou-Lou had not yet gone to the kill either.
She smiled, then came over. “Hello, Nenya, it’s good to see you back at the dens. What Ano said is right. You aren’t a reckless cub anymore. Luck was with you.” She smiled and I smiled back
I then went over to the kill. As soon as Wana saw me, she ran over. “Nenya, everyone wants to give you their thanks for saving them! We are so grateful! Oh, and I have more good news! All the half drowned hyenas are all better! Here, let me find you a good place at the kill.” She said.
All the other hyenas let me through. To them I was more than just a nuisance. I was A hero!
Wana soon found me a good place, and I gorged again. I knew that it would probably be the last time I would eat so well, but I didn’t mind. I ate heartily.
After the kill, I went to the dens and laid down. The others had all gone hunting again, so it was nice and quiet at the dens. Two cubs came up to me.
“Gosh, Nenya, it must be cool to go n a journey like that! And slay lions and leopards and hyena dogs and wildebeests and Crocs and, and , and, and, other stuff!” they sad. “Cubs, cubs! Calm down! There’s more to journeying than all that. You learn to be cautious, to be calm, to be sensible and most importantly, you learn things.’
“Oh. I never knew that. But it must be cool anyways! C’mon, big sister, lets pretend I’m Nenya, and you’re a lioness!” The cubs ran away in the distance, playing and pretending.

By Joe Vasicek

Joe Vasicek is the author of more than twenty science fiction books, including the Star Wanderers and Sons of the Starfarers series. As a young man, he studied Arabic and traveled across the Middle East and the Caucasus. He claims Utah as his home.

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