I have a confession to make…

I should have been writing these past three hours.  I really should have been writing.  But a couple of days ago, I downloaded this awesome program called Celestia.  And when I say awesome, I mean awesome!

Imagine Google Earth.  Now, imagine Google Earth…for the Universe.

I told you it was awesome.

Anyway, I just downloaded all the messier objects , gps satellites, and some other random addons, and spent the last two hours playing with them when I should have been writing. Gah!

Oh well, I guess you can call it research. :)

My goodness–words cannot describe how cool this stuff is.  It’s like…like a planetarium on my computer.  I’ve never felt so small in such an incredibly vast universe!  And oh my heck, do you know what it’s like outside of our galaxy?  No stars–just blackness everywhere!  It’s so freaking scary!  And inside of those massive globular clusters, like M13–holy cow!  What would it be like to live on a planet in one of those clusters??

I should probably stop rambling.  But…but…it’s just so awesome!

This is the kind of stuff I’ve been writing all my life!  Stars and galaxies and planets, other worlds–and now, at last, I can get some kind of a tiny picture of what it all looks like.  I feel like the nexus 6 soldier from Blade Runner: “I’ve seen things…” Seriously, this has the potential to revolutionize my writing.  The things I’ve seen…

But anyway, time to get my mind off the stars (at least temporarily) and write!

For To Search the Starry Sea, I’m writing from the point of view of a far future starfaring culture completely independent of Earth. They’ve preserved our concepts of “hour,” “day,” and “year,” but these units of time do not correlate in any way with the revolutions of the worlds on which they live (basically, a set of tidally locked moons orbiting a gas giant planet several AUs from its sun).

The people of this culture use terms like “morning,” “evening,” “day,” and “night” to describe their waking and sleeping cycles, but having been cut off from Earth for so much time, they don’t associate these times with the position of the sun.  In order to convey that this is different, I’m thinking of spelling “afternoon” like “afternune,” to show that there’s been some cultural drift since the migration from Earth.

Does that work?  Or if  you had to read “afternune” instead of “afternoon,” would it completely throw you out of the story?

Or am I just not making any sense at all?

So my Turkish supervisor at WINEP took us new interns (all four of us) out to the Mayflower hotel last week for high tea, where we talked about how things have been going for us at the institute so far.  It was interesting–the first time this Mormon boy has been out to tea, particularly in such an upscale setting.

One of the questions he asked was “what are your long term career goals?” I don’t remember exactly what I said, but I know what I didn’t say–that I wanted to break into publishing and become a novelist.

(Just in cast my supervisor reads this, I want to make it clear I wasn’t uncomfortable talking about my literary aspirations with him; it was just that the conversation at the table seemed to be headed in a very different direction, and I didn’t want to derail it.  Everyone else was talking about grad school, study abroad, government, that sort of thing–and I got the sense that that’s really what my supervisor wanted to talk about.)

My experiences in the past three weeks in Washington DC have only confirmed and strengthened my goals to pursue writing as a full-time career.  At the same time, though, I’m starting to realize that I don’t have to limit myself to one career track; many people in this “town” (as everyone calls it) bounce around in multiple careers, some of them quite different.  It’s not so much about working a “day job” until you get published, so much as doing multiple things and being ambitious.

That said, I don’t see myself pursuing a career in policy-making.  Everyone I see doing that is working overtime, all the time.  Instead, I want to find something that’s going to facilitate and reinforce my writing career.

There are some things I like very much about where I’m working, though. One of those is the emphasis on the Middle East–such a fascinating and dynamic part of the world, rich in history and culture. Another thing I love is how informed I am about current events–never in my life have I been so up to date in what’s going on in the region. The news really comes to life when you’re keeping up with it on an hour by hour basis. And I also enjoy the more academic-ish feel to the place here–the emphasis on research and scholarly pursuits.

Some things, though, I really don’t like. One of those is being stuck in an office all day. The people I work with are great–I couldn’t ask for better. But the office environment, with its dynamics…I don’t enjoy being in an office all day. The same goes for wearing a suit and a tie–I’m not a big fan.

In short, I really don’t know where I’m headed in my non-writing career; nothing has really “clicked” yet (if anything, just the opposite). But whatever I do, it’s probably going to involve something Middle East, and something that helps to facilitate my literary aspirations. That’s all I know for now.

I like to tell people that I don’t believe in the concept of “falling in love”–that true love isn’t something you fall into, it’s something you grow into.  The thing you fall into is called “infatuation,” which by itself doesn’t last long.  It’s happened to me many times, and look at how single I am.

However, I was listening to this week’s episode of This American Life, and the first story got me to think about the concept of “falling in love.” The story was about an American exchange student in China who went back a year later in order to chase down this girl he’d met over there.  Miraculously, he found her, and in a short period of time, they married each other.

The story doesn’t end there, though, nor does it gloss over or ignore their struggles since getting married.  In fact, they’re both surprisingly candid.  Even though they could have broken up, though, they said that the incredible story of how they got together kept them going until they worked through the crisis.  The narrator finished:

..Eric and Yuen-Yuen had to make that same transition that all couples do, from the crazy, in-love stage to the other thing—the hard part of love. And it’s when you’re in that struggle that you most need the story of how you’re meant to be, because the alternative–that the person you’re with could be one any one of hundreds or thousands of other people–well, if that’s true, then why even try?

This got me to wondering–is there something besides sentimental hogwash to the notion of falling in love? Is it a necessary myth? Or is it more than a myth? Growth is generally something you control, but if all you can say is that you and your significant other “grew” into where you are today, is that enough to keep you going?

Snarkiness aside, I suppose it’s different for everybody. Some people have to believe they were fated to be together, while others abhor anything but the idea that love is something that grew slowly and steadily, without crazy flashes in the pan.

The important thing, I suppose, is that when it comes to love, we all have to have a story that we tell ourselves. Without a story to help us make sense why we’re with our significant other, it’s possible to think about leaving them.

By definition, every story has a beginning, a middle, and an end. In a love story, I suppose that “falling in love” happens in the beginning, while “growing in love” has to do with the middle, while the end is this hopeful, optimistic future, full of wonderful possibility. No one part makes any sense without the two others, but together they must give a comforting sense of direction, of destiny.

So maybe there is something to the idea of “falling in love.” I don’t think for one second that the initial “falling in love” is the most important part of any functional romance, but I’ll grant that it has its place in the story.

I’ve been stuck in the same scene the whole week, and I really wish I could get it over with so that I could move on to other stuff.  What that other stuff is, exactly, I don’t know, but I’m eager to find out.

I don’t plan things out much when I write.  Usually, when I do think about where I want the story to go, I think ten or twenty steps down the road, painting in broad strokes where things are going to end up.  It’s like Paul Atreides’ foresight in Dune; time is like an ocean where you see a few isolated events like cresting waves, but you can’t see all the stuff in between.

I’m really annoyed because this scene is so long, but in some ways it has to be long.  I’m introducing some of the major characters, the major story conflict, introducing setting and cultural elements, etc etc.  Most of what I’m writing is crap and will probably be significantly edited,  but I’ve got to at least get it out there first.  But it’s hard to do that when you’re only averaging 500 words a day.

I’m going to take advantage of the holiday tomorrow by finishing this scene, no matter what it takes.  Hopefully that will build some momentum that will carry for the rest of the week.

Also, I sent out Bringing Stella Home 2.1 to a bunch of first readers.   I wasn’t originally going to do it, since it’s pretty bad…but Kindal kept begging me to read it, so I figured what the heck and sent it out to half a dozen other people as well.  It’s probably for the best…though, after reading over some of the more violent scenes, I hope the girls I sent it to don’t think less of me after reading it.  Holy crap, it needs a lot of work.

Anyways, in tribute of MLK day, I’ll end with this awesome tribute to Martin Luther King by U2. Happy MLK day!

Just a few quick, scattered thoughts before I run off to work.

Working a desk job has convinced me that if at all possible, I want to make my full time living as a novelist.  I don’t see myself doing what I’m doing in this internship for the rest of my life, or even for a major part of it.

Don’t get me wrong–WINEP is a great place to work.  The people are great, the organization is prestigious and very well run, the public events are fascinating and frequent, and the stuff we produce is good, well-researched material.  I’m not writing this in response to anything specific I’ve encountered at the institute–just a realization after being immersed for two weeks in an office environment.

I’ve only been averaging about 500 words a day since I came here–but I’ve been writing every day, because now, more than ever, I see this as the path I want to take.  The path I need to take.  I don’t want to be stuck in a desk job the rest of my life.

So I started my internship with the Washington Institute for Near East Policy last week, and it’s been quite interesting.  Trying to figure out the new routine while starting a new novel has been quite challenging, but somehow, I’ve written at least something every day (except Sunday–I try not to write Sundays now).

I can tell, though, that it’s going to be just as difficult to juggle writing and work as it’s been to juggle writing and school.  There is NO room for procrastination–when I succumb to other things on my to do list instead of forcing myself to pound out the next scene, the day goes by and nothing gets written.

There is one thing I’ve been putting off for almost a month, though, and that’s the query letter for Genesis Earth. I recently received a very encouraging rejection letter from Eddie Schneider, where he basically said “this is good, but I’m not the right agent for it because it doesn’t excite me enough.”

I’ve written the book, polished it, made the writing solid–now, all I have to do is find an agent who’s passionate enough about it to take the project on.  That’s the last hurdle–most of the difficult work is already finished!  All I have to do is write a solid query letter and send it to the dozen or so agents I’ve researched…but yeah, I’ve been putting it off.  Query letters are…difficult.

For that reason, I’ve decided to set a new goal: submit Genesis Earth to at least 12 agents/editors by February 1st.

The only way that’s ever going to happen is if I write a query letter in the near future–as in, sometime this weekend.  When I do, I’ll post it up here and ask what you think.  Queries are very tricky–they are extremely different from novels, and otherwise good writers often botch them up.  We’ll see how this one goes.

So look out for an “I need your help!” post here in the near future!  Thanks!

I just started a new blog!  It’s called To Fly Across the Sun, and it’s going to be about my travels and adventures in Washington DC and afterward.

Check it out!